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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Do you think your average 13 year old has had sex?

43 replies

SmilePlease · 17/12/2008 21:38

I do not have a teen myself but i'm forever being fazed with all these 'teen pregnancy' scenarios... do they really do this kind of thing at 12 ?

I have a 13-year-old brother and my mum wants to have 'the sex talk' with him after my dad has refused. But i don't think there's any need, surely 13yr olds aren't ready for such intimacy?

At what age would you say most 'lose it'?

OP posts:
FairyMum · 17/12/2008 21:39

16-18, but I am probably naive

southeastastra · 17/12/2008 21:39

do you have children yourself?

Sidge · 17/12/2008 21:40

13 year olds do have sex (I work with some) but not many, I would say they are the minority.

But IMO you can't start the sex talk too early - knowledge is power. Talking about it doesn't mean doing it.

Original poster
SmilePlease · 17/12/2008 21:40

No i don't, maybe some soon

OP posts:
Desiderata · 17/12/2008 21:40

14 was the average when I was at school in the late seventies.

14 has been the average since the dawn of man, so I wouldn't delay the sex-talk

ilovetochatupsanta · 17/12/2008 21:40

16 ish but would have talk earlier just in case.

hester · 17/12/2008 21:40

I dont' think your average 13 year old has had sex, but I think a significant minority have. Your brother is definitely old enough for the sex talk, I would think.

AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 17/12/2008 21:41

I fucking hope not !!!

Original poster
SmilePlease · 17/12/2008 21:42

AnyFucker -That's exactly what my reaction was pmsl!

OP posts:
ChasingSquirrels · 17/12/2008 21:44

I was 14, and I think I was fairly young amongst my friends.
I do however think that a 13yo's parents should had had discussions with him about sex which should have started way before he got to 13yo.

MrsMattie · 17/12/2008 21:45

It's the right time for a chat about it. Best to do it before it's too late. They aren't as naive as they make out to mummy!

southeastastra · 17/12/2008 21:45

why do you post on mn if you don't have children?

Original poster
SmilePlease · 17/12/2008 21:47

I found it whilst google searching Erin O'connor and i just ended up signing up.

Plus i am planning to have children maybe a couple months down the line.

OP posts:
flaminhell · 17/12/2008 21:54

Oh Jesus, this is my one scary thought at the mo, my ds is 13, he has no gf, but the sex thing is at the for front of conversation lately, I have always been open and honest. We have good talks but I am dreading it, my db was caught out on a one night stand, we now have a wonderful dn, but God please no, 13 is not the norm.

LynetteScavo · 17/12/2008 21:59

So what is the sex talk?

Does he not know the fact of life at 12?

Or is it more about how to put on a condom?

shitehawk · 17/12/2008 22:00

Better sooner than later with the sex talk - and yes, there is a need.

Some 13 year olds, even if not having sex, will be thinking about it - and that may include your brother.

We owe it to our children to educate them about such things - otherwise they believe the crap they hear in the playground about not getting pregnant if you do it standing up, or not being able to get STDs the first time you have sex.

Personally I think that by 13, he should already have some idea what it's all about - from his parents, not from the school playground. Knowing the facts is as much about protecting him as teaching him about sex.

NotanOtter · 17/12/2008 22:00

i think research has shown that it is later
despite high teen pg rates in uk - our teens are not that young

i think its later on average than you would believe

LazyLinePainterJane · 17/12/2008 22:01

I wouldn't think most of them do, no ....however, I personally, I think 13 is far, far too old for his first sex chat, it should have been done YEARS ago.

ZipadiSuzy · 17/12/2008 22:21

My ds went through pubity at 10yo, he is nearly 13yo he looks 15yo he knows what he needs to, without the graffics, but and a big but, I'm sure he knows more than I think he knows. I am waiting till he is 13 to show him the condom on the banana ah my baby, where has time gone?

scaryteacher · 18/12/2008 07:42

My 13 yo ds screws up his face at the mention of girls and for the moment is more interested in his PS3.

We have done the talk, and brought several books for him including the hilarious but serious 'Living with a Willy'.

I am going to start reinforcing the protection message in the New Year. At the moment he knows it is 5 condoms and a carrier bag, just to make sure!!

AMIStletoekiss · 18/12/2008 10:19

I don't think the average 13 year old has had sex, last I heard the average age for starting was more like 17. But a significant number of them start younger, or are at least doing some serious "fooling around" which could potentially lead to pregnancy if they're not careful, even without going all the way.

I'm not sure what you'd count as "the sex talk"? Most children learn the basics from parents or school a lot younger than 13, so he should already know a lot about how pregnancy happens. If you mean talking to him about contraception and STDs, then I think 13 is as good a time as any - ideally it would be something which has been mentioned a lot of times as the subject comes up naturally, not a serious sit-down to tell them about it all in one go.

But 13 year olds certainly need to know about this stuff, even if they are not going to need it for years, as there will be a lot of talk amongst teens and it's better they know acual facts.

Tortington · 18/12/2008 10:24

the talk needs to happen - info about where to get free condoms needs to be given- if they dont want to use them but want to grab a handful as a laugh - they will make water bombs out of them anyway

boys are generally not as mature as girls of that age IME.

the talk needs to happen - but i think its a minority

i did once have dds schoolfriend at my house aged 14 or late 13 doing a pregnancy test. a couple of years ago

the boy was much older and told her the clasic " if you love me..." which promted me to tell dd - if they love you they wait!

LiffeyCanSpellGeansaiNollaig · 18/12/2008 10:28

90% of them have not I believe. You look at most 13 yr olds and they can't say hello to the opposite sex. Most 13 yr olds have to be at home with their parent(s) and don't go to wild house parties. Where would they 'do it'?

Of course some manage it!

But I'd say the average is still about 15. Lots of teenagers still haven't persuaded anybody to sleep with them by the time they are 18 or 19 !

ranting · 18/12/2008 10:34

Lol at Liffey and 'most haven't persuaded anyone to sleep with them'.

I don't think most 13 year olds have had sex, it's true that some do but, not most. I do think that 13 is a little late to chat about the facts of life though, it should be an ongoing conversation that gets more indepth as they get older.

Tabithacat · 18/12/2008 10:41

Judging by the horror that went through my DCs secondary school when they found out a 13 yr old had had sex with her boyfriend (she told her best friend who obviously couldn't keep it quiet) then the answer would be - not many!

The more normal age I would say is 15 - 18. But still best to talk and get them used to talking about boy and girl friends with you.