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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Want to downsize but..........................not enough room

28 replies

fizzbuzz · 27/11/2008 15:19

Dp and I are desperate to move house. We have a huge mortgage, which means we have to work ft to feed it. Our quality of life is crap, and I have been treated for depression/anxiety as there is just too much to do, and we need to reduce our finacial commitments so one of us can go part time.

We have dss 19, ds 15 and dd 2. We want to move to a 3 bed house as this is the only way we can reduce mortgage enough to make a difference. We could then add an extra room, when moved in to fit them all in. This is tyhe only way of doing it which we can afford

So do dss and ds share a room? They both like space and privacy. Dss's gf stays a lot.....

Don't know what to do...but cannot continue living like this, we have to reduce our outgoings as current life is making me ill, and dp stressed....

WWYD?

OP posts:

brimfull · 27/11/2008 15:22

how long will the 19 yr old want a room at home?

Original poster

fizzbuzz · 27/11/2008 15:23

No idea...doesn't show much inclination to move out. He is in his first year at uni

OP posts:

AMumInScotland · 27/11/2008 15:28

Well, if you can't manage as you are, then it sounds like downsizing is the only real option. Could dss and ds share till you add the extra room? Or could dd share with you?

It's unfortunate for dss if he doesn't want to share (and obviously can't have gf to stay!) but that's the cost of still living in the family home instead of moving out sometimes.

thisisyesterday · 27/11/2008 15:28

could you have dd in with you for a short time?

it's either that or the boys share and just have to put up with it. they are old enough for you to explain the situation and they would have to accept it,.

but I think either option would work tbh, esp if you plan on adding an extra room anyway, it wouldn't be forever

Original poster

fizzbuzz · 27/11/2008 15:33

Actually that's an interesting point MiS, it is the cost of living in the famiy home, it's not something I had thought about before...

I have thought of having dd in with us, but i think it would be very hard to get her out again. She already sleeps with us for most of the night, but starts off in her own bed,and that gives us a bit of a breather...it is the thought of getting her out again that puts me off

OP posts:

jesuswhatnext · 27/11/2008 16:08

i think dss, at 19 is quite old enough to understand the problem, explain the whole situation to him, as adult to adult, he may well be more than willing to help out any way he can, ie, sharing a room and not moaning, taking up a bit of slack for you elsewhere, maybe taking your lo out occasionally to give you a break

if he does behave childishly over it all, remind him that at 19 you no longer 'have' to provide him with a roof over his head and he knows where the door is if he dosn'nt like it!

juuule · 27/11/2008 16:27

Is your dss still living at home,then?

mummyflood · 27/11/2008 16:54

Could you maybe find a good sized 3 bed which already has a loft conversion, or the potential for one, by adding an extra room do you mean actually building an extension? A loft conversion would hopefully be cheaper and quicker, especially if you could find somewhere with it already done. Our loft is a good size (3 bed terrace), we use the 3rd bed. for an office at the moment. (We have 2DS) bed. 2 and loft are both really doubles. Perhaps something similar for you would give them privacy space to include DSS girlfriend?

Original poster

fizzbuzz · 27/11/2008 17:04

We mean adding a room over garage, not building an extension..

I don't think he will behave childishly, he's a lovely kid, and helps with dd a lot (much more than ds). They are just both so tall, fitting them into single beds is not good

OP posts:

jesuswhatnext · 27/11/2008 17:09

fizz, it sounds to me like he will understand the problem, it sounds like you have a good relationship with him, just tell him, i bet he will come up trumps (btw, most 19 year olds would have NO worries about squashing into a single bed with their girlfriend! )

Original poster

fizzbuzz · 27/11/2008 17:12

Yes, that's true

OP posts:

Anna8888 · 27/11/2008 17:14

DSS ought to move out. It is really loopy for you and your DP to be under this much stress due to your need to accommodate your family when one of your family is an adult and ought (for his own good) to be living independently.

It is not fair on your DS to make him share a room with your DSS either.

Original poster

fizzbuzz · 27/11/2008 17:22

But we can't tell him to move out............can we?

OP posts:

Anna8888 · 27/11/2008 17:24

You can sit down and explain that you and your DP cannot carrying on working the way you do - it is not fair to yourselves or to your children who still need you. You need to downsize your accommodation and you will no longer be able to accommodate DSS at that point (though you will be very happy to have him to stay for weekends and DS will share his room with him then).

DSS is an adult. Adults need to leave home and lead their own lives.

Original poster

fizzbuzz · 27/11/2008 17:25

He's only just 19 though, and doesn't seem v grown up.

I really don't want to him to feel as if we are pushing him out.

OP posts:

ChippyMinton · 27/11/2008 17:25

And you may end up financing his rent anyway if he's a student?

Talk him through the options?

Original poster

fizzbuzz · 27/11/2008 17:27

He's only just 19 though, and doesn't seem v grown up.

I really don't want to him to feel as if we are pushing him out.

OP posts:

CarGirl · 27/11/2008 17:29

give the boys the largest room to share in the new house, convert a garage to a downstairs bedroom?

2point4kids · 27/11/2008 17:32

Give the boys the biggest room to share and you and DD have your own rooms.
If it was me I'd let one of the boys use DD's room every now and then and hav eher in with you just to let them have friends over/privacy, but then I'm a soft touch

judgenutmeg · 27/11/2008 17:46

You could always downsize and buy a caravan for your dss to put in the garden. I had a friend who 'moved out' to the family caravan when she was 15...I was totally jealous.

Original poster

fizzbuzz · 27/11/2008 17:59

Hmm we have actually considered the caravan, but how much do they cost?

OP posts:

SomebodyandNobody · 27/11/2008 18:02

Build a summer house like those peopple from coronation street? Better I think than a caravan. Or Convert garage - you do need PP I think, but you can do a more temp. conversion building a stud wall just behind the garage door so it can be ripped down if he moves out.

Original poster

fizzbuzz · 27/11/2008 18:13

But where would he sleep whilst we did this?

OP posts:

blossomsmine · 07/12/2008 23:12

I don't have any advice about a solution for this i am afraid.....But, i do not agree about asking him to move out, or even that you would want him to move out He is family, and at 19, first year of uni probably needs family support. My ds is 19 and in first year of uni, he really needs us, is finding uni tough, is really hardup due to not being able to have a part time job at the moment. I feel they still need the care and support of a family unit. Having said all this I do totally understand your financial and space problems. Two of my children share a room and it is a nightmare sometimes!

larry5 · 08/12/2008 09:09

Would it be possible when looking for a 3 bed house to get one with two reception rooms and have a sofa bed in one so that when dss gf comes to stay he can use the downstairs room and the rest of the time share with ds. That would give him some privacy and would only need to be until you have built the extra room.

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