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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

how much do you tell your teens about your past

26 replies

mdrooney · 08/11/2008 00:09

my dds are 12 & 13 and as the girls get older and we talk about things and they watch things on the tv, they have started asking questions about my past, now there are things that I really dont want the girls to know about but I dont want to lie to them, I have a fairly good relationship with the girls most of the time (apart from the normal teen stuff) but if they ask me things about my teens I was a little wild and did things I regret I find it hard as I really dont want to tell them some of the things, I was just wondering how much other mums told their teens about their past

OP posts:

BitOfFun · 08/11/2008 00:53

oh,I just tell all really,in controlled installments as the moment arises. They will probably ignore it anyway and make their own mistakes. If we could pass on accumulated knowledge, we would be far more evolved than we are!

Tortington · 08/11/2008 00:56

i tell the truth.

Saturn74 · 08/11/2008 01:00

Edited highlights.

VictorianSqualor · 08/11/2008 01:05

I don't have teenagers yet, but I tell my almost 8 yr old as much of the truth as she will understand. I like to thin I'll always be so honest.

BitOfFun · 08/11/2008 01:31

Its the best way VS, like the birds and bees-what they can understand as it comes up, I reckon.

mamadiva · 08/11/2008 01:36

I dont ahve a teen my DS is 2 but I am 22 and am still finding out random things from my mum

I only found out 3 years ago that my mum had been bulemic (sp?) since she was 13, shes 39 now, and when she was pg with me she ended up in hopital because of it poor mum she felt guilty about it as I was born half blind and she is convinced it has something to do with that even though it probably doesnt.

Limara · 08/11/2008 01:50

Tell them stuff, they'll throw it back in your face.. deny deny?

BitOfFun · 08/11/2008 01:55

mamadiva, that is really sad, hope you and your mum are ok with each other now x

mamadiva · 08/11/2008 01:56

Agree with Limara in a way.

I actually blackmailed my mum

Hence why I was kicked out at 15 I was a little bastard though I have too admit

VictorianSqualor · 08/11/2008 01:58

But surely someone can only blackmail you with a secret?
Everyone close to me I am open with, my children included.
I have been through some shite but I only mention it if it's to explain a lesson learned.

mamadiva · 08/11/2008 01:58

bitoffun yeah we are okay now we went through a hell of a bad time when I was a teen like 13-16 we didnt speak for almost 6 months but she moved away from the area we lived in to move here in the highlands, when I was 16 3 years later me and DP moved up here and we are now more like best friends than mum and daughter.

mamadiva · 08/11/2008 02:00

Yeah VS but it was a secret that only I knew and only I could know but I shouldnt have known in the first place IYKWIM. I hated her for it so blackmailed her with basically something that could very easily have ended myn mum and dads marriage I hate mysekf for it now. I wouldnt spoeak to me if I was her ...

VictorianSqualor · 08/11/2008 02:02

You were obviously in pain to feel that was necessary. Is the relationship good now?

VictorianSqualor · 08/11/2008 02:02

Ah, sorry didn't read first post, do you think that made you as you are now?
Maybe sometimes it is needed eh?

mamadiva · 08/11/2008 02:05

Ys we wouldnt be the way we are now if my stepdad who I class as my dad hadnt put us through the shit he has its brought us all closer!

Also something happened to my mum recently and she shared it with my 14YO brother as she felt he had to know and he actually thanked her for being so honest with him so glad he hasnt turned out the same.

VictorianSqualor · 08/11/2008 02:09

There are 'secrets' in many families that cannot stay hidden. It is not down to you, you were not the person who created the 'secret'.

Limara · 08/11/2008 02:14

But if it wasn't a secret? You tell them you smoke pot and they develope an addiction to ganj what then? If it's good for the goose?....

mamadiva · 08/11/2008 02:14

Yeah I know but I could have handled it nicer but heyho hormones and all that LOL thats what it was honest anyway....

VictorianSqualor · 08/11/2008 02:17

No, not good for the goose.
Did you have an addiction? If you did you can preach and explain how to deal with it, if you didn't you can explain the difference between smoking rarely and being an addict.

mamadiva · 08/11/2008 02:35

Not neccassarily Limara, my bio dad was addicted to weeed I know that and I always have, I caught my 'dad' and exposed him as a serious cocaine addict when I was 14, I was poffered both on countless occassions as well as others by my 'dad' i refused as I have a mind of my own adn I have never tried anything other than cigarrettes and alcohol.

I hung around with a bad crowd where we used to live they would take drugs and sell drugs every weekend still I took no notice and I think thats the misconception here just because you know it is happening around you doesnt mean that you join in, have some faith.

Limara · 08/11/2008 02:42

I do worry about my son throwing stuff back in my face. I have tried coke, exstacy, weed, and speed all over the age of 28yrs and I would want him to know if it meant something to him that I knew where he was comng from IYKWIM?

The danger is he would throw it back in my face?...

I dunno, damned if you do....
Nite nite..

Limara · 08/11/2008 02:45

Havent touched anything fo 12yrs, just felt need to clarify things, nite

PenelopePitstops · 08/11/2008 03:23

i iwsh my mum told me more now im 20. but i dont think telling me in my early teens would have been a good idea.

whoever said edited highlights was probably best, no outright lies but not the total truth. I wouldnt have listened anyway probably.

roisin · 08/11/2008 03:29

I think we'll got for minimal disclosure on this one. Personally I think parental messages of
"don't get drunk, don't take drugs, don't have random sex at a young age, it's not good for you" are bound to be confused if mixed with
"of course we did, regularly, and we're obviously not dead, and so did everyone else..."

magentadreamer · 08/11/2008 09:34

I think DD will get the edited highlights! I remember going to see my best friend when she had her first - I looked at her beautiful DD and said I hope she doesn't grow up and meet people like us!

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