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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

14th Birthday - some advice please

53 replies

notsoseriousanymore · 16/10/2008 23:04

What would you say if asked to provide alchopops?

What would you do if you knew none of the other parents of children being invited?

Advice on how to handle this please.

I am a Step mum, so can't ask her mum for advice.

Thanks,

NSSA

OP posts:
lilolilmanchester · 16/10/2008 23:08

Just to clarify... is this your SD's party at your home?

nappyaddict · 16/10/2008 23:09

Is it going to be supervised?

If so I would say a couple of alcopops each isn't going to do any harm but make sure their parents know.

pofaced · 16/10/2008 23:09

No
No
No

No alcopops that is: they're 14; they can't metabolise alcohol; it's a poison mixed with sugarry drinks to make them giddy; legally you'd also be on dubious ground if/ when something happened as a result of you giving them alcohol

And especially no if you don't know the parents

And yes, I know 14 year olds drink but, by definition, the alcohol has not been provided by a responsible adult

Just say no... I sound like Sarah Palin..

ScareyBitchFeast · 16/10/2008 23:10

and i am sure the majority are 13,
i would say no personally

frogs · 16/10/2008 23:16

No, no and no.

Weird fizzy drinks, fine. Haribo spin-offs in all colours of the rainbow, fine. A 2nd mortgage's worth of Pringles, fine. A 15-rate DVD, probably fine (depending). Alcohol, not fine.

Dd1 has been invited to several 14th birthday sleepovers in the next few weeks, and I would be horrified if any of the parents provided alcohol or even turned a blind eye to the kids providing it for themselves.

DD1 goes to quite a strict catholic 2ndary school, where I'm at the liberal end of the parenting spectrum, and I accept that expectations may be different elsewhere. The answer to the alcohol Q is still Not Okay under any circs, imo. And if that makes me boring and old-fashioned, tough.

lilolilmanchester · 16/10/2008 23:21

DS went to a 16th birthday party recently. Invitation specifically said no alcohol would be provided, guests over 18 could bring a small amount for their own consumption. I thought that was a really good idea. I don't mind DS having a small amount when we're around, but equally am not as liberal as other parents when it comes to young teenagers and alcohol. Alcopops are too easy to drink, and easy to drink lots. Also, parents will have very mixed views. IME some parents are happy to see children as young as 13 sick through drink, whilst others won't let their 16 year olds touch a drop. So no, I wouldn't provide alcopops, and certainly not at a party for 13 - 14 year olds who are underage and not drinking with their parents' consent.

unknownrebelbang · 16/10/2008 23:29

No.

I have no problem with teenagers tasting alcohol, with parental control, but not at a 14 year old's birthday party.

Alcopops really not a good idea at any time, tbh.

mumeeee · 17/10/2008 00:01

No alcohol at a 14 year olds party.

NotAnOtter · 17/10/2008 00:02

no way
err no

kingprawntikka · 17/10/2008 10:04

No alcohol, my son is 15 and i wouldn't be happy with it.

AMumInScotland · 17/10/2008 10:10

No. I'm fine with my DS (almost 15) having a little wine at home with family, but I wouldn't think of giving anyone else's teen any alcohol, and would be very unhappy if other people offered him alcopops at a party.

nappyaddict · 17/10/2008 10:32

Could you put on the invitation something like if it is ok with your parents for you to have an alcopop please can they ring to confirm this?

cremolafoam · 17/10/2008 10:36

NO

MrsMattie · 17/10/2008 10:39

NO to alcopops (essentially just spirits with mixers in pretty bottles).

PsychoAxeMurdererMum · 17/10/2008 10:41

I am happy with my 14yo DD having alcohol, in our presence, but I would not, ever provide it for her and her friends at a party, especially if I don;t know the other parents or their views on alcohol.

I think, personally, the first time I will be allowing alcohol at a party, it will be at their 18th.........that is the time to make it special, especially as they are finally legal!

IMO, they need to have something to look forward to. letting them have it now means that it will be expected at every party, and teens are not exactly known for self-restraint in the alcohol department.

mumblechum · 17/10/2008 10:57

Nope.

NotAnOtter · 17/10/2008 21:04

alcopops devils work

bagsforlife · 17/10/2008 21:43

Agree re alcopops devils work. If and when they do have alcohol, make sure it tastes like alcohol. Alcopops taste like soft drinks, therefore they don't realise what they are ingesting....but wouldn't allow 14 year olds to have alcohol at party I was hosting either.

beemail · 18/10/2008 20:42

No I wouldn't be happy. Ours have little achohol at home with us to prevent it being the forbidden fruit but not serve alcopops in this example for many reasons

Original poster
notsoseriousanymore · 18/10/2008 21:19

Thanks for all the replies..

I have asked here, plus some friends and also some mums I know locally with teenagers...

I think it's clear that, while we feel it's OK for 'our' 14YO to have access to alcohol, it's not on to allow it for others, without parental permission and I cannot do that, so no alcohol.

At least I know I have my facts straight for the (inevitable) argument! So, your replies are appreciated.

thanks!

OP posts:
SqueakyPop · 18/10/2008 21:22

Yikes - I can't believe anyone would think it OK to provide alcopops at a 14 year old's birthday party!

Original poster
notsoseriousanymore · 18/10/2008 22:25

Oh, FFS, Squeakypop, are you related to my mother?

PLEASE try and remember being 14/15!!!

We KNOW that she drinks, we KNOW her frieds drink. We make her push it under the carpet and make it some thing that's really 'rebellious'... whY?

I can totally take the point about the other parents etc,. but this totalitarian ban, I don't get... my parents did it to me and I went totally off the rails first year of uni...

Kids are going to experiment. Better they do that with your knowledge than without it.

OP posts:
llareggub · 18/10/2008 22:37

No, I would never provide alcopops to a group of teens. I wouldn't need to ask others what they think either. Alcohol abuse in this country is rife and it certainly isn't helped by the casual attitudes most parents have towards alcohol.

But then I'm probably a tad biased, with several close family members with wrecked lives due to alcohol abuse.

Merrylegs · 18/10/2008 22:47

I have seen my 13 year old after half a bottle of WKD and it was not a pretty sight. She may scream "no fair" if you ban Alcopos but I am sure the majority of the parents would be on your side. If my 13 year old was invited to a party and it said Alcopos were going to be drunk I would be saying sorry, you aint going. They have just as much fun screaming around with their friends and eating Haribo. You could have a non-alcoholic cocktail bar - you can get those cups that glow like glo- sticks and have loads of different fizzy drinks and weird fruit juices and grenadine and little umbrellas and those cute lollipops you can buy from Topshop.

lilolilmanchester · 18/10/2008 23:05

notsoseriousanymore... don't think many - if any of us - are suggesting "totalitarian ban"... I think we all know that would be the worst thing to do. The questions here are: a) would you provide alcohol at your underage teen's party and b) if so, would you provide alcopops.....

I remember being 14/15 - but alcopops hadn't been invented then. They are so much more dangerous than the el cheapo cider and lager we had cos so much easier to drink and higher alcohol content.
I know parents who are happy - in fact almost proud - to have their DCs throwing up at 13/14 but sorry, not for me.

Would be interested to know ages of DCs of those posting who think it's ok ....