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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

I'm quite shocked! DS has applied to join the Army!!!

76 replies

RGPargy · 03/09/2008 13:18

DS (18) has been practically out of work since the day he left college (he did a year's bricklaying in college) and myself and DP have been nag-nag-nagging him to find work ever since. He's had the odd week here and there with various little one man bands who have only needed him for a short time so nothing really permanent, bless him. I do feel a bit guilty for constantly pressurising to find work, but on the other hand, he hasn't really made that much effort, unless i nag him and am home with him at the time, if that makes sense?!

Anyway, the other day he told me he wanted to join the army! I was very shocked as i'm sure i'd mentioned that to him a couple of years ago and he pretty much said it was his worst nightmare! I thought it would have been too because obviously they are very strict and you need to be able to obey lots of orders/discipline, etc etc. But he said it's what he wants to do and is even giving up smoking when he's finished his packet of tobacco!

So he sent off for the info DVD, read up about what you need to join and then on Monday night he applied online. He's just waiting to hear back from them, which i'm assuming will be about going for an interview or chat or something.

I'm in two minds about how i feel about if he were to get in. I feel very worried about him getting posted out to war zones etc but on the other hand, i think it will do him the world of good. I think he is feeling a bit like a lost soul at the moment, not really knowing what he wants to do in life (he told me he doesn't want to do bricklaying anymore!). I think it will "make him" because he is quite shy with strangers and mumbles alot so i reckon it'll really help him to come out of himself.

I also feel very guilty and hope that i haven't been nagging him so much to find work that i've pushed him into this, even tho i never even mentioned it to him except for the time a few years ago when i mentioned it in jest.

Sorry for the long post and thanx for reading if you get this far. I just needed to write it all down and hopefully get some reassurance/comments from anyone that might have been or still be in a similar situation.

Phew. That's better.

OP posts:
scaryteacher · 04/09/2008 13:34

Sorry, but I get wound up when people make sweeping generalisations about the Armed Forces without knowing the facts, as per Cod in this case. If anyone is found abusing the CEA rules, they lose their jobs and their not inconsiderable pensions, so it doesn't tend to happen.

One of my most unmotivated students ever joined the RN, and came back to see me one day....he was so different; confident, happy, purposeful and full of himself in a good way. I hope your lad experiences the same!

3andnomore · 04/09/2008 13:35

indeed the amount of tax my dh paid (and still pays, because he obviously is only retired from the army, but not actually retired)...shock horror I wonder how many Kids I funded their private education...

Original poster
RGPargy · 04/09/2008 14:07

Thanx Scary, i hope he finds a purpose in life if he does decide to go through with it.

When he got home last night he seemed full of purpose - he smoked his last cigarette (he has decided to give up smoking before he joins) and printed off a fitness sheet that he downloaded from their website, which he says he is going to start on Monday.

OP posts:
FluffyMummy123 · 04/09/2008 14:11

Message withdrawn

Kewcumber · 04/09/2008 14:19

its practicality cod - salaries in the forces are too low to enable them to pay privately (Ex used to call me "The Brigadier" because I earned the equivalent of one) and faced with toting their children around many people would leave at the first opportunity - difficult enough getting people to join up as it is.

Do you think the overall remuneration package for people in the forces is too high then?

3andnomore · 04/09/2008 14:38

well, cod....most army kids don't actually go to private school....even in the higher ranks those going to Boarding school were very rare....
What seemed to happen more often than not was, that , if forces partner was posted at an important time in education for their Kid, the non forces partner would stay put and Kid can continoue education there (say if they were near GCSE, etc...)...which means seperation, but most people find it's worth doing to interupt their childs education as little as possible.....

herbietea · 04/09/2008 14:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

saltire · 04/09/2008 15:28

Cod does have some idea what she's taking about, not much, but some all the same
I don't send my children to boarding school, so don't have an opinion. I do have friends who are Officers and one of them told me that the other wives in the Mess told her she was weird for not sending hers to boarding school

percent · 04/09/2008 16:28

RGPargy - Please tell your son to get himself as fit as he possibly can. He will need to be fit to pass selection. My son passed selection in Aug/Sept, but it was the end of January before he began basic training. He rested on his laurels a little and was not as fit as he could have been when he began basic in Winchester. This made basic training alot harder than it would have been if he'd trained hard leading up to it.

Also my son did 14 weeks basic training the first 7 of which he found really hard. Sleep depravation and being worked so hard, really push them to their limits. A lot leave in the first 7 weeks as they can't take the pressure. Tell your son if he can make it through those first few weeks, the next few are still hard but more enjoyable.

My son was in constant contact the first 7 weeks. I knew he had settled when the texts and phone calls became fewer and fewer.
I really hope if your son decides this is what he wants to do, passes selection and goes on to train, that he gets as much out of it as my son has.

Original poster
RGPargy · 04/09/2008 16:34

Percent - thanx for your message. DS has already printed off a fitness programme that he found on the army website that he's going to start on Monday, plus he's given up the fags (hooray!). I hope he is sensible and does get himself as fit as possible. I have heard that lots of the new recruits go home early because of the pressure - i think i need to warn him about how hard it will be at first.

What's your DS doing now?

OP posts:
flippingannoyed · 04/09/2008 16:42

RGPargy don't worry to much he can join the Army in the building trade etc

It is a long process to get in as well takes nearly 2 years I applied when I was 16 you have to have first interviews where you fill out forms then 2nd interviews then you have to have basic exams on maths english etc to define which regiment you are able to join then you have to do 6mths training before your medical and then you have to pass that and it takes another 4mths after that to get in

Very long all of it

Original poster
RGPargy · 04/09/2008 16:44

Hmmm that IS a long time!! I'll tell him not to stop looking for work right now then! I think he thinks it's going to be a quick process!

OP posts:
Drusilla · 04/09/2008 17:03

ignore this from cod:
"then they want to leave
come out htinking they are the bees knees adn realise that most of the skills arent as trasnerable as they are told they are

and end up on council estates or wiht mental ehalt issues". A sweeping generalization!

But this from sidge is really good advice:
"The careers office should help him find where his talents lie and which branch would be good for him. If he has nothing in mind he may find he is pushed towards Infantry which doesn't really offer much in transferable skills!"

percent · 04/09/2008 17:04

RGPargy - He's training to be a combat medical technician. He's already looking at what other qualifications he can get and hopes to work his way up. Although he is looking for a career in the Army, he wants to make sure he has skills for when he comes back into civvy life.

I can't believe how focussed he is on his life now. Last week he opened an isa to pay direct debit into so that he can save some of his wage instead of frittering it. I'm still in shock that he did this, as up to this point he was a lad who got money and it burned a whole in his pocket. It has really been the making of him.

SammyC · 04/09/2008 17:07

Just a message of support for you and your son I have been married for 10 years to a Royal Engineer and he has a few years left before he gets his full pension at 40! yes 40!

He started off with a trade did an electrical apprenticeship and then the commando course and travelled the world good places and difficult. If your son is used to site work and has the academics there is site supervisor type rolls to study for.....so much opportunity is open to him not just going to sandy places.

Best Wishes and if you would like to ask any thing of OH or me please dont be afraid to get in touch

Original poster
RGPargy · 04/09/2008 17:12

Dru - yeah i kinda managed to pick out the more constructive advice lol

Percent - Sounds like your DS has deffo got his head screwed on now! Good for him! I hope my own DS follows suit.

Sammy - wow, full pension at 40?!! That's brilliant! Thanx for the offer, i might take you up on that when i/we find out more about the whole process. He has an interview on Wednesday at 1.30 at the careers centre so hopefully things will be clearer then!

OP posts:
kerryk · 04/09/2008 17:14

good luck to your son

my dh helps train recruits so i have seen a lot of them pass through the camp and as corny as it sounds they really do turn up as boys and leave like men.

i think it is a excellent life both for the serving soldier and the family.

of course you will worry if he does get in and is sent away (i have been to hell and back a couple of times) but you learn to deal with it in your own way.

Original poster
RGPargy · 04/09/2008 17:17

Thanx Kerry - I think it'll do him the world of good. Of course i shall worry, what mother wouldn't, but he's an adult (in age anyway) and there's nothing i can do to stop him!

OP posts:
Sidge · 04/09/2008 22:43

All the best to him for his initial interview

And yes, do warn him basic training is bloody hard work. But tell him to grin and bear it because it's NOT regular service life and the real Army/Navy/RAF is not like basic. I was so proud of myself when I passed out as I had pushed myself harder than I had ever done before, and achieved things I never thought I would achieve.

ChacunaSonGout · 04/09/2008 22:47

good on him

a LOT better than doing nowt

hf128219 · 04/09/2008 22:54

COD - FYI there is an Officer in the Army who is currently paying back 100K PLUS for school fees claimed fraudently.

They do get caught.

Boarding school allowance is there for a reason - and generally is is used for the right ones - continuity of education.

How many times have you moved house in the last 10, 15, 20 years?

Original poster
RGPargy · 05/09/2008 09:53

Sidge - thanx. What an experience it must have been for you! I too would be extremely proud of myself if i'd got through that so well done to you. I did warn him that it's REALLY hard work to get through basic but he seemed unphased by it. Not sure if that was due to chosen ingorance or pure dedication!

Chacuna - i totally agree!

OP posts:
Original poster
RGPargy · 05/09/2008 12:16

Well, i can only assume it's the lack of nicotene talking, but DS has just sent me a load of abusive text messages, telling me that he hopes he gets into the army because then at least someone will appreciate him and also he'll "be much happier and so will you".

How did this come about you may ask? All because i wouldn't give him the password to mine and DP's computer and told him he'd have to use his own (slower) laptop.

He's really upset me, the little sh1t!

OP posts:
snorkle · 05/09/2008 12:44

Oh dear . I expect the lack of nicotene is making him more edgy: he's being a bit teenagerish imo. Ignore it - he doesn't mean it deep down.

Original poster
RGPargy · 05/09/2008 13:12

Yeah, he's being VERY teenagerish and i told him that he was being childish and that he couldn't behave like that in the army, to which he replied that he knew that, he wasn't born yesterday, even tho i thought he was!

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