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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

I'm quite shocked! DS has applied to join the Army!!!

76 replies

RGPargy · 03/09/2008 13:18

DS (18) has been practically out of work since the day he left college (he did a year's bricklaying in college) and myself and DP have been nag-nag-nagging him to find work ever since. He's had the odd week here and there with various little one man bands who have only needed him for a short time so nothing really permanent, bless him. I do feel a bit guilty for constantly pressurising to find work, but on the other hand, he hasn't really made that much effort, unless i nag him and am home with him at the time, if that makes sense?!

Anyway, the other day he told me he wanted to join the army! I was very shocked as i'm sure i'd mentioned that to him a couple of years ago and he pretty much said it was his worst nightmare! I thought it would have been too because obviously they are very strict and you need to be able to obey lots of orders/discipline, etc etc. But he said it's what he wants to do and is even giving up smoking when he's finished his packet of tobacco!

So he sent off for the info DVD, read up about what you need to join and then on Monday night he applied online. He's just waiting to hear back from them, which i'm assuming will be about going for an interview or chat or something.

I'm in two minds about how i feel about if he were to get in. I feel very worried about him getting posted out to war zones etc but on the other hand, i think it will do him the world of good. I think he is feeling a bit like a lost soul at the moment, not really knowing what he wants to do in life (he told me he doesn't want to do bricklaying anymore!). I think it will "make him" because he is quite shy with strangers and mumbles alot so i reckon it'll really help him to come out of himself.

I also feel very guilty and hope that i haven't been nagging him so much to find work that i've pushed him into this, even tho i never even mentioned it to him except for the time a few years ago when i mentioned it in jest.

Sorry for the long post and thanx for reading if you get this far. I just needed to write it all down and hopefully get some reassurance/comments from anyone that might have been or still be in a similar situation.

Phew. That's better.

OP posts:

FluffyMummy123 · 03/09/2008 15:22

Message withdrawn

RubyRioja · 03/09/2008 15:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

tiredemma · 03/09/2008 15:33

I would let mine join. But only on the proviso that they join as an officer.

herbietea · 03/09/2008 15:38

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Original poster

RGPargy · 03/09/2008 15:39

Strippers?!!!! I dont think i've been there for YEARS myself. I got put off by all the squaddies in there. It turned out to be a competition with me and my mates of who could get felt up the most by squeezing through the layers of blokes to get the bar!!

tiredemma - Dont think DS has the academic skills to join as an officer.

OP posts:

Sidge · 03/09/2008 15:41

There are worse things he could do!

At least he will have a roof over his head, 3 squares a day, a regular wage and the opportunity to climb a career ladder. What trade does he want to do? Remind him to check out the other sevices as well, each will offer different training, trades and prospects.

Original poster

RGPargy · 03/09/2008 15:44

This is it, Sidge. I dont think he knows what he wants to do. He did a stint at bricklaying in college but now says he doesn't want to do that anymore! I think he deffo needs a focus of some sort.

OP posts:

Lazycow · 03/09/2008 15:46

Oh God, this is really my worst nightmaare that ds will join the army but only because I don't want him to get hurt or to go far away!! - Over protective mother or what

From a purely objective point of view I think it could well be a great thing for him to do and a very sensible choice of career.

Kewcumber · 03/09/2008 15:48

defintei;y worth getting a trade - although Cod says it rather agreesively I think the more generic soldiers do find civvy st post army more difficult.

Having said that Ex now works for international red cross and charities do tend to be very keen on ex-forces.

Sidge · 03/09/2008 15:58

The careers office should help him find where his talents lie and which branch would be good for him. If he has nothing in mind he may find he is pushed towards Infantry which doesn't really offer much in transferable skills!

Does he fancy engineering? Mechanics? Logisitics? Catering? Medical? Once he has an idea of which area he leans towards he can start narrowing down a pathway. This might help a little or have a look here or here

jesuswhatnext · 03/09/2008 16:09

frankly i would say that people like cod have no fucking clue! - ime most young men who join up will either become a soldier or a convict! i think for many young men (thats what they are, not 'boys') the forces offer a structure, resonable money, and a wider outlook than staying at home on the dole will not give them!

i have many friends whose husbands have done very well for themselves, ie, gone on to quite specialised jobs due to training recieved etc including one family who have just left to live in Aus, on a 3 year army contract.

i still say bloody good luck to your ds!

jesuswhatnext · 03/09/2008 16:11

sorry , i did'nt mean your ds would become a convict, was just an observation!

Zazette · 03/09/2008 16:13

Agree with those who say there needs to be some direction and purpose here, and it sounds like he will need an awful lot of guidance.

I live in a part of the country where lack of other opportunities has meant that a lot of young lads with a low level of educational achievement join the forces. A few find it a pathway to something better. An awful lot - as other people on here have suggested - come out after a few years unable to cope with normal adult life, having gone in as children (which is what your lad sounds like - and I mean that in the nicest possible way!) and not then having been required to develop into adults capable of functioning in mainstream society. Too many of them go from one kind of institution (the forces) to another (prison, psychiatric units). Ex-squaddies too often have careers as Big Issue sellers.

percent · 03/09/2008 16:23

My son (18) joined the Army last year. He began his training in January and passed out from basic training in April. He is now in Aldershot training to be a CMT.

He told me when he was 9 that he wanted to join and I said "Over my dead body!" He is a bright boy who could have done anything. He coasted through school, left with 8 A-C GCSE's, began an A-level course, then dropped out. He went to tech to try and find a niche, but couldn't, because all he wanted was to be in the Army. He told me that he had never dared mention it after my rather angry reaction when he'd asked as a 9 year old.

He was 17 when I signed the papers for him to join. I left him in the Army office and cried all the way back to my car (pathetic huh?).
I decided there and then to support him all the way. Basic training was tough and he rang me in tears a couple of times. I had to be firm and supportive on the phone and sometimed very hard. He also celebrated his 18th during basic and rang me in tears that day. Later he rang me laughing as all the lads in his troop had clubbed together and got him a card and a few presents and tried to make the day better for him.

He was one of the youngest in his troop. Of the 30-40 who began in his troop, only about 16 passed out, infact his troop was split and merged into two others as there were not enough left to form a troop.

The man he is now, is very different to the boy who left in January. He has matured, grown in confidence and is positive he has chosen the right life for himself. I am incredibly proud of him and what he has achieved so far.

Of course as I watch the news, I worry myself sick. There is a high chance he will be posted to a conflict zone before his next birthday. But, my son is happy, he has more purpose in his life than he has ever had. So for my son joining up has been a very positive thing.

AuraofDora · 03/09/2008 16:47

good luck rgpargy
soz bit of a fear of mine!
dont mean to add to cods dickensian picture of ex army squaddies life .. but i did meet alot of ex falklands homeless south bank years ago there did seem a pattern (before cardboard city was disbanded!)

stiff brandy rgpargy i would need one or two!!
good luck to him and you too

jesuswhatnext · 03/09/2008 16:53

i'm with percent!!!

i think a great many of the squaddies who can't cope with civvy life have just put off the inevitable decline in their life by joining the forces in the first place.

scaryteacher · 03/09/2008 16:55

Get your facts straight Cod - the MOD will fund private education for boarding school up to a ceiling of about £5k per term per child irrespective of rank. The family has to be mobile - ie move every appointment/posting for this to happen. They also pay school fees for day school in Brussels, but only because there is no Forces school here.

RG - good on your boy - but get him to look like others have said at all the Services. My dh is a weapon engineer nuclear submariner; my db is a Logistician and other friends are in other branches of the RN. They have good careers and access to doing more qualifications. The pension is pretty good as well.

Original poster

RGPargy · 03/09/2008 17:24

Sidge - thanx for the links, i will show them to DS (but i wont tell him how i got them!).

Jesus - thanx, i knew what you meant

Zazette - you are right in that DS does need a lot of guidance and yes, he is still very much a child i think. I have found it very hard to have a conversation with him, although having said that, the last couple of days he does seem to have perked up considerably. Perhaps it's because he has something to think about that has put a spark in him and conversation with him today and yesterday has dramatically improved from the odd grunt.

I really hope that if he does join up, he doesn't end up a lost soul in there either.

I've run out of time now (have to get my train home) but will have a proper read of the last few replies when i get home.

OP posts:

3andnomore · 03/09/2008 18:11

Cod, and how much do you actually know about this?

To Op...my dh has just retired after 24 years of service....he loved the army and is still missing it!
He landed a very good job and a lot of ex-soldiers seem too....
yes army life can be hard and tiring and dangerous....but it can also be a lot of fun and adventure.
As wife moving around a fair bit with him ( we married 13 years ago), Army life also had it's perks....and while Divorce rate maybe higher than average, I know many couples who are much longer married then we are and that are still happily married....Army is NOT a JOb it's a lifestyle!
As a mother, I can understand that you worry, but in the end your son has to live his own life and if this is what he wants to do, then he will need to know you support him!

FluffyMummy123 · 03/09/2008 19:23

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3andnomore · 03/09/2008 20:18

erm, they will have to make the rest of the money themselfs...
obviously don't know why people would have their children in boarding school while they live nearby...

FluffyMummy123 · 03/09/2008 20:19

Message withdrawn

3andnomore · 03/09/2008 20:20

by the way, tis o.k. to be critical...but where do you get your info from...just wondering how you know...that is all

scaryteacher · 04/09/2008 08:44

It's for continuity of education Cod, obviously. My nephew is in Boarding School in Devon, although he could go to the local comp in Cornwall, because my brother is due to be sent elsewhere in the UK when my nephew is part way through Year 10.

The RN and the other Forces don't appoint the parents to a posting at the beginning of the school year, but any time during the year, and can move people very rapidly after 3 months in post if there is a need.

As to those who have kids boarding near them...do you know when or where their next posting is? Sometimes you get 2 months notice that you are moving, and sometimes not even that, so boarding is the sensible option if you are mobile. I chose to stay put for 20 years, and then moved abroad, so ds had continuity of education (don't worry Cod, we paid, not you), but it put a strain on my marriage.

One Army family I know has moved 12 times in 15 years, the girls board, otherwise their education would be screwed.

Incidentally, the last time I looked at a pay slip and a P60, my husband paid a huge whack of tax, so actually Cod, the Armed Forces pay for their kids education.

Original poster

RGPargy · 04/09/2008 11:35

Blimey, this has turned into a bit of a debate about private education in the forces!! lol!

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