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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Hating your kids friends

35 replies

Moshi · 01/08/2008 13:12

My 14 year old DD has a best friend who has been her BF since primary school. Thing is I can't STAND him but they're always together. He's just so annoying. It isn't anything he does specifically and in all fairness he seems a decent kid, is never in trouble, takes his school work seriously but he's just drama, drama, drama.

He gets so excited over the most stupid things, he constantly jumping up and down and squealing. DD told him we were going to Florida and pulled the most annoying face and wouldn't shut up about it.

He has this mass of black curly hair and if he's sat eating at the table or something I can actually feel my blood beginning to boil just looking at his hair and his stupid skinny neck.

DH and DS can't stand him either but DD loves him. I feel a bit guilty sometimes because as I said he doesn't actually do ANYTHING to warrant a "god I hate that kid" but there is just something about him.

I havn't mentioned it to DD but she has picked up on the fact that I often give him dirty looks etc!

Do any of your kids have friends like this that you dislike for no particular reason?

OP posts:

2shoes · 01/08/2008 16:52

ds hated ds's bf, But I think it was because he hated the way ds looked up to him and the boys mother was such a bitch. then everyone (including mil) hated his next bf, he was sly.
he is now 16 and his bf and group of mates are lovely, bar one spotty oik who i can't be nice to .

StellaWasADiver · 01/08/2008 16:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

seeker · 02/08/2008 15:04

Who's the grown up here?

seeker · 02/08/2008 15:05

Who's the grown up here?

JonahTakalua · 02/08/2008 15:09

Your hatred of a child sounds somewhat irrational.
He sounds lively and full of life and enthusiasm. Are you jealous of him?

If he has been best friends with your DD since primary school, and they are now 14, he must be a very important person in your DD's life.

You don't have to love him, but the dirty looks and personal comments are very childish. Perhaps you should try harder to cover up your dislike, out of respect for your DD?

Bronze · 02/08/2008 15:10

Growing up my best friends mum didn't like me. Apparently I was a bad influence even though bf shoplifted (I never did) and she started smoking before I did. To be fair I can't pin down how I know she didn't like me but she didn't. Her Dad was/is lovely.
BF says that she started asking after me once I got married apparently I became repectable then and have gone up in her estimation with each child. It obviously rankled as I still remember the feeling well.
I would be careful how you act, especially as you say the boy is actually ok so doesn't deserve to be made to feel crap.

CaptFabioHiltsCatInTheCooler · 02/08/2008 15:12

lol at 'his stupid skinny neck'

JonahTakalua · 02/08/2008 15:14

What will you do if he and DD get engaged?

unknownrebelbang · 02/08/2008 15:16

DS1 made friends with a lad I disliked (he was a pita and disruptive) when he started secondary. He remained friends with him for 2 years, and although DS1 knew I disliked him, I never intervened other than to gently point out when he was taking him for a mug.

Things came to a head at the beginning of Yr9 when DS1 finally realised for himself just how much of a pita this lad was and cut ties for a while. By the end of Yr9 they have become more friendly again, mainly because this lad has settled down a bit and doesn't take DS1 for granted any more.

Can't say I hated the lad, but he does know I didn't like him for some of the tricks he pulled across DS1, and we are still quite civil to each other.

CaptFabioHiltsCatInTheCooler · 02/08/2008 15:20

Jonah I would be most surprised if he got engaged to a girl.

seeker · 02/08/2008 17:32

Lordy lordy - all this and homophobia too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Original poster

Moshi · 02/08/2008 18:30

I would be suprised if he got engaged to a girl too, he's openly gay.

He was around again today, they went to cinema to see batman. I picked them some sweets up from asda before they went to avoid the cinema prices and he ran to hug me (with that bloody grin and hair bouncing all over the place) and went arse over tit on the wet floor DH had just washed

It was absolutely hilarious and I turned away to try and hide the fact that I was laughing and he said "its ok, I would've laughed too!"

DD was horrified and ran to pick him up and knowing that he wasn't upset about me laughing I turned back to see if he was ok but my god I still can't stop laughing about it. On the plus side, I have new respect for the lad and I think I've been a bit unfair to him.

OP posts:

RuffleTheAnimal · 02/08/2008 18:39

as an adult in this childs life, you have a duty to be civil. no matter how annoying he might be. he is 14. you are not.

HumphreyPillow · 03/08/2008 11:21

Your DD sounds lovely.
Does she take after your DH?

princessglitter · 03/08/2008 11:28

He sounds like a lovely kid.

myalias · 03/08/2008 11:33

Moshi your dd's friend sounds lovely, from your description he is just the sort of lad I have as a friend.
My ds has a couple of friends I don't particularly like - not hate - I try my hardest to be nice to them. I would be mortified if my parents had laughed at my gay friends when I was younger.

cadelaide · 03/08/2008 11:35

God, I'll bet he can't stand you.

No. Your DD and him laugh at you when you're not around.

Moski · 09/08/2008 17:10

Moshi, I can understand how you feel. Sometimes a person can't control who they like and dislike. A person just rubs you the wrong way and it can't be helped. And when your precious kid is involved-- Yikes! I'm at the point with my DS where I wish he had a skinny-necked but basically appropriate friend taking up most of his time even if the kid caused me to gag. My formerly decent DS got involved with a total hooligan a year ago and it's been major drama ever since. I had to send my DS to boarding school just to try to break the connection. Too bad boarding school isn't year round . . .

mamhaf · 10/08/2008 09:04

Moshi - I empathise. My dd has a bf who winds me up unintentionally but without fail, although I try hard to hide my feelings from her and from him.

He was ok when he was younger, although he's always been a liar and a drama queen, but since starting high school he's irritated me intensely.

He has no interests, is doing badly at school and all he seems to be interested in is looking 'cool.'

It came to a head a few weekends ago when our two families went camping and he did nothing to help, even when asked. Camping is hard work at the best of times, and I don't expect to wait hand and foot on a 12-year-old who's bigger than me.

My dd's no angel, but is very active, good at school and has a number of interests - plus she will also help out when asked. But she emulates his behaviour when he's around.

There's nothing much I can do other than grit my teeth when he's about and be cynical about his tall stories (he still lies and exaggerates constantly).

His parents and elder sister (who's friends with dd1) are lovely and I take solace from the fact that his dad gets just as annoyed with him as I do!

TheGirlWithGreenEyes · 10/08/2008 09:12

Do you think it is because he is quite dramatic and maybe that comes across as a bit fake, like he is acting a role?

hatrick · 10/08/2008 09:18

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hatrick · 10/08/2008 09:19

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Original poster

Moshi · 10/08/2008 15:54

I think its because he's one of these people that always has to be the centre of attention and it gets boring and annoying very quickly.

He stayed at our house on Friday and he makes more noise than my 9 year old and his friends. There's just no need.

OP posts:

captainmummy · 10/08/2008 16:01

mamhaf - why on earth would you wait on anyone? Let alone a child who is not your own? Why would it bother you if he goes without?
As the mother of ds1 who has the most amazing curly black hair - I really hope you are not talking about him! (But he doesn't have any 'girl' friends and he's not gay.)phew!

tigermoth · 10/08/2008 16:11

How do you feel about your dd's other friends? Is the closeness of their friendship bothering you in some way? Do you like the boy's effect on your dd?

I have to say, I could be easily irritated by the presence of a loud, very dramatic teenage person my home. But if I only saw them in small doses could manage it better. Can you reorganise how and where your dd sees her friend so you do not have to be around him as much? Can you change her bedroom into more of a bedsit room to take her friends so they are not under your feet so much?

I have a 14 year old son. Sometimes his friends will uncomfortably remind me of people I used to know at his age. If I did not like that person, it can be wierd seeing the same characteristics.

But from what you say, I cannot see that this boy is particularly bad and think the onus is on you to control your feelings.

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