Teen midnight meeting

[Beachbanned]

Keen to get view on behaviour from another parent please. I'd like some outside opinions on this, as Im not quite sure if Im over-reacting.

My son is 15. Last night, he and the 15-year-old girl he has started seeing wanted to meet him after midnight for a walk on the beach so he made a secret plan to sneak out after I had gone to bed. It turned out her mother already knew they were arranging this and allowed/facilitated them meeting privately, despite knowing that I had no idea it was happening and had not agreed to it.

I only found out afterwards as I noticed he was missing and had to use location app to find him.

The mother’s position seems to be that she knew where her daughter was and therefore considered the situation safe. She also appeared quite confident that she had handled things appropriately.

I’m absolutely not suggesting my son bears no responsibility. He is 15 and made his own decision to go along with it, and I will deal with that separately.

What I’m struggling with is the adult’s role. Another parent knowingly allowed two 15-year-olds to arrange a private meeting after midnight while knowing that one child’s parent was completely unaware. She told me she felt very uncomfortable and tried to reason her out of it with it but supported her daughter's decision as they have a very honest relationship and she trusts her.

Would you regard that as reasonable parental judgement because she knew what was happening at her end, or would you expect another parent to contact you before effectively giving permission for something like this involving your child?

I think Im stunned at her presumption and stunned she would support a 15 year old to meet a boy she (the mum) doesnt know at midnight.

The mum has apologised to me amd acknowledged how frightening it must have been to wake up and find child gone and have to drive around d in thr night with my younger children looking for him - but nonetheless clearly felt her actions were ok. Were they?

She doesn't have any safeguarding responsibility for your kid - why are you so insistent she does?

Likely very true, and applies equally to your judgement of me.

Actually, she did. She had an adult safeguarding responsibility to exercise reasonable judgement once she knew a 15-year-old was involved, after midnight, and that his parent did not know and was opposed to it.

The other Mother is a raving lunatic

I would

1. have a stroke if I awoke to my child had gone missing

2. be fucking furious if another parent had known where my child was at midnight and not had the decency to let me know

She doesnt know my son - and I agree with you.

Thank you. I was beginning to think I'd stepped into an alternative universe.

No, she doesn't. You may feel that she does, morally speaking, but she doesn't have to adhere to your idea of what is morally correct.

You are the one responsible for your 15yo's behaviour and his whereabouts. It's not her fault he didn't tell you and snuck out behind your back. That's entirely on him.

lol. You have. It’s called mumsnet

So you're not actually keen to get another view then are you.

The fact is that she knew where her daughter was because her daughter told her. You didn't know where your son was because he didn't. That kind of justifies her stance in my opinion. You don't have to agree but being so black & white when it comes to parenting teens is a mistake.

Unfortunately and disappointingly, neither parent knew as she had lied to her Mum about where she actually was, what she was doing and how she was getting there and home. Not good for either child or family.

Some views helped me see things in a different light and others reinforced my thinking.

For me, being open minded means considering the views of others, it doesnt oblige me to adopt them though.

Some views helped me see things in a different light and others reinforced my thinking.

For me, being open minded means considering the views of others, it doesnt oblige me to adopt them though.

I read all your posts but couldn’t tell how you’d think she’d tell you even if she thought she should? I’d have no idea how to contact the parents of my teenager’s friends.

I think I’d be angry with my child, not some random parent I don’t know. Fair enough if you’re friends but otherwise? Did you exchange info with your kids’ girlfriend’s mum?

Same year at school, parent whatsapp group.

I agree op, and I think it was selfish of the parent, an ‘I’m alright’ attitude. But I’ve found as mine have got older this is becoming much more common place, because parents want to be in the cool mum club and a friend.

You know where you stand with this mum, so parent with that in mind, and don’t her any regard.