Struggling to let go of my 18 year old daughter going out

[AmusedLemonFatball]

I’m really struggling letting go with my 18 year old daughter.

I feel sick at the thought of her going with lads etc, she started going out most weekends and not coming home until 4-5am. I absolutely hate it. I feel really overprotective of her and I don’t know why. I had her at 16 and so I know I can’t say anything but I’m really really struggling. She wasn’t one to really go out and drink etc growing up, she wasn’t always busy with her horses etc but lately they have taken a back burner. She’s made a new friend who I’m not to keen on but obviously I can’t say anything. I think the girl lies alot, is very very focused on lads and is allowed to do anything.

dd works but is going to university next year and I’m worried she will throw it away.

I think I just have really bad anxiety :(

My mum knew nothing about what I got up to. I wasn’t that bad, didn’t really drink or take drugs until my early 20s and I moved out at 26 so did it all then! Mum had no idea. I’m safe and pay my way, but I’m older now and I’ve grown out of it so will she! Let her live her life she is young. She will be fine!

Some teens do skip drugs entirely. I was too frightened by all the press coverage of Leah Betts.

Why? What time would you deem acceptable?

Very normal when I was growing up (I am now late 40s). Aged 17/18 I was out with friends most weekends and returning home around that time, usually staying at a friends house. This was in London. We used to drink a fair bit but never touched drugs. These days a lot of my friends with DC in their late teens say they never go out which think is really sad. It’s an important part of learning to socialise, meeting people and growing into adulthood.

OP, try not to worry. There isn’t really much you can do since she’s an adult.

I understand. Went through the same. In this country it is like they all do the absolute same thing at a certain age. My DD went through this period of partying in night clubs. A nice steady boyfriend helped a bit. It was her own choices but rather the well mannered boyfriend than any random person potentially harming her while she is out.

I did this every weekend at 18, great times 😀

Let me introduce myself 😅

I went out 5 nights a week from 18 until early 20’s. Millennial who could survive off 2 hours sleep and some pro plus and lucozade. I went home on the milk float more than once 😂

To make you feel less anxious perhaps have a talk with her about safety . At 18 she can't be unaware of dangers for females late at night . I told my DDs to watch their drinks , stay with friends , don't go off alone with anyone , and no matter what state they in with drink, drugs whatever to ALWAYS know that they can call me to come get them .

OP, she goes out and comes back late, but does she come back sober/ soberish? Do they drink excessively you think? Or get into dangerous things?
If so, then address that with her. But to go out and have some level of interest in boys, that is normal and it does not mean anything will be ruined.

I still listen for the key (sometimes!) when my DD (24, post-uni) goes out. She’s often not back til the early hours - if I wake up in the night i sometimes have a peek to see if her shoes are there etc!

Unf Covid put a dampener on her social life at 17/18 but she was starting to go out more - not so much clubbing pre-uni but parties and getting home at 3am etc. I remember meeting her at the bus stop really late one night!

So it’s def not abnormal, once she’s at uni you’ll have no control - but it is a bit out of sight, out of mind as well.

We will al at worry about our kids but they need to live their lives too with the tools we’ve given them to stay safe. Uber is great as it can be tracked, I remember getting in to dodgy cabs in my early 20s!

Oh god pro-plus were life savers! I can remember coming back once at about 3am and for some bizarre reason thinking if if I took the pro-plus before I went to sleep they’d have time to kick in by when I got up at 7! I laid there from 3 til 7, eyes wide open but body asleep!

😂😂😂 oh the good days of the 2000’s! Do they still exist? We survived a lot through pro-plus 😅

I think I’m struggling with the stark difference to how she was only a few months ago where she would want to spend time with us, we did have things as a family etc, meals out, take away nights etc and now she doesn’t want to spend any time with us. She’s out more than the cat.

she was away Friday - Monday, out tonight etc. Im away with work on Friday for a week so would have liked to see her before I go but it looks like she’s made plans every day 😒

this evening she’s been sat in a country lane with a lad for hours in his car.

i hate it. Her dad hates it.

I'm surprised she told you about the car bit to be honest. I wouldn't have been specific about what I was up to at 18!

I get you are struggling but its great that she has plans and is out enjoying her life.

If you asked my Mum how much she saw of me when I was that age she would have said 'never!' I was always out. Seeing friends, going to the cinema, to the gym, clubbing and staggering home at weekends, shopping with friends, going to gigs and seeing bands. I was always out living my best life.

I have gone through this with both of my daughters when they hit the same age. In fact, mine were both a wee bit younger than that when the hectic social life kicked in. But for me, I would rather them be out, socialising, having fun and enjoying life than sitting cooped up in their rooms or just hanging out with me and their Dad all the time.

I do get it though, its tough when they start to prioritise other stuff and other people over wanting to spend time with us, their parents.

Are you tracking her to know this info?

She’s an adult - stop if you are. Apart from anything else, it’s not doing much to reassure you, is it?