Anyone else feel their was little point in trying to keep your kids healthy and safe once they reach the teen age years

[Countrystroll]

Does anyone feel like it was completely pointless putting so much effort into keep your children healthy, educated and safe once they get to the teen age years. I have 2 dcs aged 19 and 16. Oldest smokes and vapes and has had a drug problem which thankfully he had come out the other side from. The 16 year old is starting to be reckless with drinking, vaping and now refusing to wear suncream even though my dad is receiving palliative care for skin cancer ( squamous cell carcinoma). I just feel so dejected that I tried so hard to make sure they ate so healthily, educated them on the dangers of smoking, drugs and sun and they are both completely sticking 2 fingers up. Dd is currently sunbathing outside in a bikini, telling me the uv is low abd she doesn’t need suncream. Eldest is still in bed after getting drunk last night watching the football - he starts work at 6pm.

You kind of hope you've laid the ground work and given them a good start in life.

I was taken aback when DD1 at 18 got a massive tattoo - she didn't want me to know for ages either - bizzare as what could I do. It's coverable with sleeves - is nice enough - she also got lots of pirecings - again her choice. Other than to make sure she went to a repuable places - first usually ear peicing done at 16 and this was all made clear then - and to check - up to her. She finished degree and has confince to travel UK and Europe doing things she likes so lots to be postive about.

My parents were super controlling and opinionated well into adulthood -- eldest went off rails completely - middle me very obedient and frankly repressed and think I didn't take enough risks when young and enjoy life enough - and yougest who learnt to lie.

I want my kids to enjoy life unlike me - not feel need to lie and not go off the rails - so you do have to step back and let them get on with things.

Vamping for few years isn't great but can probably be got away and drug issue got past you say - TBH with sun bathing - I'd not focus on the cancer but on the aging effects.

Word of caution to the posters who think these sorts of teen shenanigans are all down to poor parenting, and it’s simply a matter of being stricter.

My parents were pretty straight-laced and had rules and curfews. They were good people and weren’t cruel, but they thought they would be able to control what I did as a teen through their rules and expectations. This approach didn’t work.

I went to the local park to drink White Lightning, smoke spliffs and snog boys, just like all my friends did. But the difference between them and me was that I felt I had to lie to my parents about what I was up to, because I feared their reaction.

At times I got myself into risky situations and often lied to my parents about where I was going/who I was with. That put me at greater risk if something did go wrong.

Luckily nothing went catastrophically wrong and I lived to tell the tale. I’m glad I took a different approach with my DCs. I want them to feel they can always tell us the truth, however shocking; and that includes the option to call us at any time of day or night to tell us they’ve drunk too much/they’ve lost their friends/they’ve taken some drugs and they don’t know what to do. I did once have to collect DD from a field shortly after she’d finished her GCSEs. She had drunk too much and smoked some weed and needed her mum. So I picked her up, took some photos with which to embarrass her the next day (I only showed them to her- didn’t post them or FB or owt!) and put her to bed with a bucket, some water and paracetamol, and then set my alarm for hourly intervals through the night to go and check on her 🙄 That one incident helped her learn her limits and it hasn’t happened since.

@Ooofbananasthis is exactly right.

I have (I think society has) lost the internet battle where kids are concerned, apart from to issue them with dire warnings. The kids know more about the tech than I do. Actual and serious harm has come to one of my dc due to things a 14yo schoolfriend was doing online, which no normal parent or teacher would ever believe could have happened.

As the online stress is overwhelming, I've decided to just refuse to fight the drugs-alcohol battle at all, and tell them it's zero tolerance for self-induced harm in this house.

It's all too much.

I'm 25 and I was never like this. Mum made me promise to never do drugs. I was tempted only because I had FOMO because people in my sixth form did it but I resisted. I drank too much at uni (strict parents) but after a night where I threw up asleep and nearly died, I have reduced and basically don't drink anymore. That was a wake up call. I don't enjoy drinking anymore, and it also just made me sad a lot.

Never had any interest in smoking and vaping, don't want lung cancer and I like to be able to breathe.