Anyone else feel their was little point in trying to keep your kids healthy and safe once they reach the teen age years

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Does anyone feel like it was completely pointless putting so much effort into keep your children healthy, educated and safe once they get to the teen age years. I have 2 dcs aged 19 and 16. Oldest smokes and vapes and has had a drug problem which thankfully he had come out the other side from. The 16 year old is starting to be reckless with drinking, vaping and now refusing to wear suncream even though my dad is receiving palliative care for skin cancer ( squamous cell carcinoma). I just feel so dejected that I tried so hard to make sure they ate so healthily, educated them on the dangers of smoking, drugs and sun and they are both completely sticking 2 fingers up. Dd is currently sunbathing outside in a bikini, telling me the uv is low abd she doesn’t need suncream. Eldest is still in bed after getting drunk last night watching the football - he starts work at 6pm.

Sad the day you realise people are independent and have to make their own mistakes. Definitely tell the lass about premature aging - send her pics of older women who tanned a lot and ones who didn't. Haha she will care about looking wrinkly.

Do you know what shocks me? The amount of women I recently spent time with who were chatting about botox and how 'safe' it is.. do we all have different algorithms feeding us different intel?? (Yes). How is anyone still not aware of botox staying in your body forever and aging you prematurely / making your skin sag etc.

So sad. Could you maybe offer to buy your daughter fake tan or fake tanning sessions? It's so expensive so maybe she's going with the cheaper option?

Glad to hear your son is doing better - that's something. And unconditional love is really the best thing you can offer. They will either snap out of this and be grateful later, or not and you can just know you did your best.

No, never apologise or feel bad about setting your kids up for success. For all you know, the work you did early on gave your son the strength / sense of right and wrong to come out the other end. Life isn't over yet, plenty of time for them to start prioritising their health.

Totally relate to this. I’m constantly going on about the dangers of skin cancer and other things that are high risk for my immunosuppressed teen DC. Can’t even get her to remember to take the meds half the time. As if guiding her through her teens wasn’t hard enough.

19 and has a job! Great to hear that tbh. Every man in the uk is currently hungover as they’re out late drinking watching the football.
most teens vape, a lot of adults vape, tbh they will likely grow out of this but it’s influence from friends and school not parents so out of your control. I’m in emergency services now, good career, pregnant with our 1st - but at 16 I was taking md at squat raves, bunking trains and drinking a lot. I don’t think I wore sunscreen till I was in 20s. In the grand scheme of things if they’re under your roof and safe you are doing well. Nobody is going to advertise what their teens are ACTUALLY like on this app lol, but they sound pretty normal! Just love them anyway, be there for them after they make their mistakes, and focus on the positives. Xx

You are giving them solid foundations for health even if they choose to abandon them for a time.

I grew up with a mother who didn't do any of those things, and the malnourishment I suffered in my childhood caused me lifelong harm, including stunted growth, a compromised immune system and a permanently damaged metabolism.
Sunblock might have saved me from skin cancers too.

Never regret doing your best for your child when you were raising them.

Now they are making their own decisions and being so young they are making some foolish ones.

But you have given them their best shot at becoming an adult with a healthy body, because when it was your responsibility, you gave them the best chance to grow up in the best health.

LOL

Hey- he’s 19 with a job, he’s streets ahead of lots of young people!

They’ll come good OP. Most of them have a mad phase around this age. Trust the groundwork you’ve put in.

I too have a 19 year old, who is also ginger and has ADHD. Loves vaping, smoking, living off protein shakes and lucozade. Hates suncream, washing, sleeping before 3am, telling me where he's going. Is constantly feeling ill because he hasn't taken his sertraline/elvanse at all, or has taken it but on an empty stomach/with the wrong food - again. Lurches from crisis to crisis but never retains any knowledge from any previous crisis.

It is infuriating and terrifying in equal measures.

My son lives on energy drinks and McDonald’s. To think I spent so many years worrying about giving him healthy foods etc is quite hilarious really. You can only do as much as you can do. I just hope eventually he comes out the other side of it all and wants to look after himself.

As someone once said about teenagers- they need it the most when they deserve it the least. At the moment they are just testing the limits of being an adult and it must be horrible to have to watch them make the same old mistakes
Just try to stay connected and open with them, and honestly all the hard work will produce lovely adults

Thanks so much for all the lovely posts. You have made me feel less alone and definitely made me smile. To @menagerieoaks and @KateSixer - I would love to know how you have ensured your teenagers have not made bad choices. We have gone through a rubbish few years with my husband being diagnosed with cancer and going surgery, radiotherapy and chemotherapy which was really brutal. During this time I may have not been as strict as I should have been but I am always there for my kids. I am the one that will pick them up from a party at any time of night. Never go to sleep until they are in safe and try and always listen to them. @Raccoonsmacaroons thank you. You are absolutely right - I need to celebrate the wins and my son having a job that he has stuck to for the last year is a big relief.

Hold your breath. One of mine was like that. By 26 she was a responsible parent and home owner!

It’s part of being a teenager, their brains are not fully mature as yet. Part of being a parent is letting them make their own mistakes, so they can learn from their mistakes. My DH and I both made mistakes like drinking too much, inappropriate boyfriends and in his case smoking as a teenager, but now we are old boring and sensible.

I’m not a strict parent at all. My teens have no rules other than manners. They have both vaped, smoked weed, got paralytic drunk, made arses of themselves etc. I have never punished them for any of that. They need to learn from their own mistakes and it’s turned out pretty well so far. And it also means I’m the one they come to when they need someone.

I had super strict parents but it made no difference what I got up to. I got various piercings and a tattoo in my early teens. Was smoking and taking party drugs by my mid teens. Was evening clubbing the night before some of my GCSE’s. All it meant was that I was doing everything in secret and so often found myself in very dodgy situations.

But I turned out all right. Got excellent exam results, a degree, post grad qualifications, long corporate career etc.

Teens will be teens. Just be there when they need you.

Ridiculous post. You obviously haven’t had a teenager before or if you have you’ve got lucky, nothing to do with your superior parenting.

Even the Amish people have a term for the late teen years - they don't encourage 'running around' behaviours but they don't necessarily prevent or penalise that age group for what they do then.

The sun and heat and fluids messages are worrying over here, because they are really not going in. Potentially it's the assumption that everyone's systems will work just the same as the strongest that they want to be most like.

Possibly it's like the total refusal to wear anything warm or keep socks and shoes on when they're in the buggy and it's a special winter monsoon season.

Pot noodles, pizza, ice cream, no sun damage prevention...
There's no stopping them!

Teenagers make poor choices, our role is to be there and sometimes tell them they are idiots!! They come out the other side. Ds 25 drank, vaped, thought he was invincible. He now has a masters, good job and owns a home. Would not have believed it possible if you had told me when he was 18!

im exactly the same. Teens need to have fun, plenty of years left to be healthy and boring.

Thing is OP.. if you hadn't put the hard work into their childhood then they wouldn't have the grounding to come back too.
I consider I gave my DCs a solid reliable loving childhood.. All 3 made some pretty dangerous decisions (drugs/alcohol/abusive relationship) All 3 are now responsible adults..
But in between childhood and then, I had a silent scream about what could happen to them..
All you can do is your best..

It is never wasted. They have had good sleep and nutrition and structure and boundaries to grow this far. You have set a baseline that they can easily return to.

My teens are pretty mild at the moment but I know I was vile. Absolutely awful. And so I may get some rocky rides ahead.

Mine eat rubbish, don't use sun cream and drunk alcohol. Oh and spend any free money on piercings. All of which I wouldn't choose for them.

But they know what good looks like and they see it role modelled all the time. They will return.

It sounds like they are just being normal teens.

Who doesn't remember the time they got a horrific sunburn or a few horrible hangovers? Often both together. I think a good chunk of the UK population of all ages was suffering yesterday. Even my husband, who isn't that fussed about football, stayed up to watch it, although he didn't drink.

Making a few unhealthy choices as a teen does not cancel out a healthy childhood, and laying down the building blocks for a healthy body.

It's really tricky OP and I think some of it is just age and personality. I didn't have any particularly daring kids, but I was also quite strict with them. For example, in the early teen years when they first become solely responsible for things like sun protection, I told them that if they came home from an activity sunburnt, they wouldn't be going again next time. Never had to follow through on that threat thankfully. I also kept quite a strong grip on the small stuff, e.g. manners and chores. My view is that giving them small things to rebel against means that they are less likely to go big on drugs etc, but it's so hard to know what the right thing is. It may well be different for different kids.

Mine are older now and I completely agree with you. I make myself so unhappy contemplating the harm they’re doing to themselves but that does nothing to help so I’ve had to detach.

They’re talking to you, and upfront about what they’re doing. There are lots of parents who think they’re raising model teens and have no idea what they’re like.

It scares me how much scope there is now for them to be out of your sight and ear shot while sitting safely at home, quietly engaged on screen. It’s become completely impossible to oversee. My dps could hear us chattering on the phone, and the only computer in the house was in the living room.