DS1 is 18, and I cannot stop crying.

[IAmClemFandango]

Exactly that really.

DS1 turned 18 yesterday. In the run up to his birthday I was tearful, on his actual birthday I was OK, today I am broken again. I keep bursting into tears, it's like I am "missing" the baby/toddler/child he was. My DM and DH think I've lost my mind.

Please tell me I am not alone in feeling this way? Its completely self-indulgent and I feel like an idiot even saying it out loud.

Are you sure you're not depressed or anything like that ? Otherwise it's very odd !

Broken? You're not really broken, are you? Just a bit wistful.

“Broken” because you have a child who is making it to his 18th birthday, as planned?

I’m with your husband and mother.

Feeling a bit wistful and emotional about the past- totally normal.

Feeling broken- a bit odd. Are you generally happy or are you finding things difficult?

We have our children in the knowledge that they are only lent to us. In the fullness of time, if we have done our job properly, they grow up and go out into the world and have families of their own. Be pleased that your DS has made it to eighteen and is well and happy and presumably looking forward to the next stage of his life. Don’t be an awful, suffocating mother who can’t let go of the apron strings. Of course it’s sad when your DC grow up and leave home - but it would be even sadder if they didn’t.

Not depressed. I wouldn't do depressed people the disservice of thinking my self-indulgent tears are anything like depression.

Thanks for the response - I shall give myself a talking to and pull myself together.

Yes that is odd. Are you happy generally? Is there more going on like regrets over his childhood or anything? I was really excited when mine hit 18 (and a bit proud I had kept them alive that long!). I don’t think this level of sadness is healthy.

I’m with your DM and DH. Having a child who has made it to adulthood and ready to live an independent life is something to celebrate. Children bring no less joy to your life just because they are grown!

"Broken" was perhaps the wrong word. I feel like my emotions are malfunctioning and I am being a complete dick.

The immediate response to this makes realise that yes, I am being completely ridiculous and I am fully aware it is self-indulgent bullshit.

That is not normal. Your DS turning 18 as a happy, healthy young man with the world at his feet is much better than literally any other scenario he could be in, its fantastic. You say you’re not depressed but there’s something going on, If you really feel ‘broken’ you need to talk to your GP.

And give yourself a pat on the back as well.

I do get it, I’m not too teary though. Keep seeing wistful instas about them growing up / graduating ( US) with the emotional music. But yes it’s a good thing really. The new driving isn’t helping!

I was a bit tearful when we dropped our DS and his belongings off at university for the first time. Didn't let him see it but I do understand you. We phoned my lovely MIL on the way home. She said 'I've bought a bottle of gin. Stop off and get some Vermouth.' We parked the car, walked to her house and had a couple of dry martinis. They definitely helped. The fact that she understood also helped. It gets easier.

Is it menopause? Are you wondering what your role is now?

I happily celebrated DS turning 18 but was tearful the first few times I dropped him at university. I was already working but started seeing more of my friends and doing more for me. It can be the start of a new phase for you. DS will always be your boy and letting him fly is the greatest love.

Outrageously self-centred. Today is about your son, not you.

Are you peri? My hormones are mental at the moment and I struggle with balanced emotions.

I agree with the others, give yourself a talking to. You've managed to grow an adult, well done you 👏

My DD1 is 18 this year. I'm so proud of the person she's becoming & happy that she's growing up & gradually becoming more independent. My DD2 is 15 & has learning disabilities, which mean she likely won't ever be fully independent, & is a long way off where her peers are currently at, developmentally. So I do relish watching my other children grow up & eventually leave home, we all want them to be able to take care of themselves as adults. It's okay to miss the nice bits of their childhood & wonder where the time went, as long as you don't dwell on the past, and move on to being excited for their new chapter of adulthood!

Over the top in my view, perhaps you identify as a mother much more than anything else in your life?

He's eighteen.
You must have seen it coming.
Bringing your children to adulthood is your main job. It's to be celebrated.
We all have nostalgic moments but don't wallow.

My mother let me see her behave like that when I turned 18 and then again even moreso when I left for uni a few months after. It made what should have been an exciting time deeply upsetting and all about her. I know you’ll make sure you hide this from him.

I’m the opposite. Mine are 5 and 2 and I can’t wait for them to be 18.

I was just pleased and impressed that I'd managed to keep mine alive into adulthood.

Raising a child to 18 is a gift not every mother gets. I'm sure 18 feels like a milestone (mine has just finished GCSE's) but try and focus on the positive!

Awww OP, how sweet. I think this about my kids everytime they have a new birthday, though they are only 4 and 2. Can't imagine what it must be like to see your baby at 18 years old and wonder where the time went. I would be upset as well in a wistful, reminiscent way. I believe you were exaggerating for dramatic effect when you said "broken", which made me laugh lol. You will be okay, of course, it is quite something to process, but as everyone says its normal and a good thing. Now you get to watch him flourish into a fully fledged adult, and share this next chapter (adulthood) with him. Enjoy!

What would you prefer for your son? Arrested development?