How do I tackle this one!?

[UltimateLuxury]

I’ll try and keep this brief but background is important.

My 18 year old son (16 at the time) inherited a watch from his grandad. It is rare and valuable and obviously has huge sentimental importance.

Last Christmas he insisted on wearing it to a Christmas/prom/night out thing at his school. He promised to look after it and it seemed an appropriate occasion to wear it. About a week later I realised I hadn’t seen it come back. He admitted to the leather strap breaking whilst dancing and he put it in his pocket but had forgotten. We searched everywhere for it to no avail, asked school and an expensive insurance claim resulted. He appeared crestfallen and my husband was pretty upset his dad’s watch had been lost.

He’s quite secretive and has a new/first girlfriend who he adores. He has been with her a few months and I strongly suspect he got together with her the night of the prom.

Over the weekend he has finally started talking about her, shared and name and it all seems sweet. Today he asked me to drop him off so he could meet her at the station.

I have just returned and am fuming. As I dropped him off she waved at me and I could see she was wearing the watch.

Clearly this is on him but the lying and deceit is really hurtful. But this is the first time he has let me know he has a girlfriend and if I go too crazy I suspect the barriers will come down again.

HELP

wow that’s appalling behaviour from him, and insurance fraud to boot! Did any of the insurance payout go to him?

No the claim came to us.

I’d be honest with him and tell him what you saw, how rare is the watch?

A teenage girl wearing a man’s watch! are you sure it wasn’t something similar

First thing to do is tell him the watch needs to be returned, today.

That’s awful of him, as everyone will say - and I think you should get back to the insurance company,tell them that it has been found, and make him pay back the excess (even if it takes a long time)
He also needs to return the watch to his father for safe keeping, as he is clearly not adult enough to look after it.

Wow. That is appalling, deceitful and actually fraud.

I can’t believe you’re worrying about how crazy you go with him. He probably has no idea how serious this this in terms of the insurance claim.

I have a 16 yo DS as well with a first GF on the scene so I do understand the dynamics and secrecy and needing to tread carefully. But this is not the time. You need to have a serious sit down when he gets home.

You need to tell her directly it’s your dhs dads watch and it wasn’t your ds’s to give away and she must return it.

Wow - this is really uncalled for. Maybe think before you post and don’t be so unkind.

I’d have the ‘I’m really disappointed in you’ chat with your ds. Teens do stupid things 🤷‍♀️ my dd took my mums gold ring on a night out and lost it 😢

The lying will have its own consequence as now you don’t trust him. I’d also make him pay back the insurance money and stop any allowance for a while.

It’s a Breitling.
I will go crazy don’t worry about that- he has clearly given it to her as a love token sort of thing for her to wear. It’s not a girl’s watch and I doubt very much she would think he would have given it to her permanently but who knows.
As I say it’s the lying and deceit that gets me- his dad was really upset. He is incredibly young for his age. The timing is unfortunate though as first time I see a girlfriend and this happens

Uncalled for and unkind.

Maybe try being a nicer person.

Oh would you look at that! We’ve caught one of the world’s rarest species! Someone who was a perfect teen! Best to keep her safe!

Jesus, the kids been daft, he’s lied like we all do at least once in our teenage years, he’s not awful, she hasn’t raised a disrespectful child at all.

OP, you need to speak to your son, you need to reinforce how daft he has been and that you want the watch back. You don’t need to lose your temper, you don’t need to say a negative thing about his girlfriend.

I agree that age 16 is far too young to let him wear a watch that has sentimental value and is expensive.

However, that is water under the bridge.

You and your husband need to have a sit-down family chat with him over this.

But are you sure it's the same watch?
Is it worth £2K, £20K or £100K?

It's very odd that your son doesn't appreciate the value, even the sentimental one, let alone the financial. But also that this girl is happy to wear it. I assume she doesn't know its history.

She simply has to return this asap.

And you son needs a reality check over what he's done.

If he's that immature, he was likely to do something silly anyway - in this case it's a watch.

I have no idea what happens now with your insurance.
Obviously your premium will go up for making a claim and you should tell them it's turned up.

You are right to be bloody furious, I wiuld be reading him the riot act, and thats before him knowingly allowing you to submit a fraudulent insurance claim!!

It's very difficult but you need to tell your son you've seen it. You also need to stress that his own father is very upset because of the history of the watch. Then if your son does not return it, go see the girls parents and explain.
Not acceptable behaviour! Then I'd not let him have the watch again until he has matured, whenever that may be. After that, it will be his watch to do with what he wants. Hopefully he will appreciate it more though.

Once you have the watch, he needs some sort of punishment. The lying and allowing you to commit fraud, nah, not on!

With a family heirloom like that, I think it's more appropriate to keep it back till he's older- like 21 or 25.
16 is far too young because most lads at that age are just silly in their behaviour.

That awful of him, 16 is old enough to know this isn’t ok.
I would demand he gets the watch back, threaten to involve the girl’s parents if he doesn’t do it- you can explain the sentimental value of the watch and that it wasn’t your DSs to give away.
I would then take the watch away and keep it somewhere safe and tell your DS he can have it back when he is older and understands the value of things a bit more.

Would also be worth a chat about the insurance fraud he has committed

So is it the original watch she's wearing or the replacement insurance claim watch?
I cant bare sneaky liars

I’d go and see the girl myself and say you want it back and if she refuses say she will have to deal with the police then!

It is his watch , he inherited it. Legally his to sell or give away, but an unkind thing to do knowing the watch is important to his dad, not to mention causing a fraudulent insurance claim.

If the insurance money came to you, you need to return it! And get the watch back. Did you buy a replacement or is this the original? Either way, what a horrid way for him to behave. I’d be deeply disappointed in him.

Then I'd not let him have the watch again until he has matured, whenever that may be.

Doesn't the watch now belong to the insurance company, unless op pays back the money paid out?

OP needs to lay it out that ds has defrauded the insurance company, which is potentially a criminal offence, and ask him what he plans to do about it.