Something instead of devices

[Lifeofboys]

I am looking for some advice and ideas. My boy, 14, is addicted to his devices, as most of them are these days. I am trying to get him into an activity. I have tried cubs/scouts but he didn't like it because it was mostly girls, he hates all sports, I cannot afford music or swimming lessons, he refused the offer of a DoE! He did St Johns ambulance for a while but that was "boring" won't entertain drama. You get my point. Does anyone's teenager do anything a little bit different that I might not have thought of. Maybe something he could add to a CV or just get him out of the house!

D&D? Dungeons and dragons.

I wish I could afford to provide these lovely things. I am in my final year of a degree myself so I am limited on time and unfortunately it falls on me. Hopefully by the end of the year I will have more time, and money to expand the offerings.

😮really!!!!!!!! I am looking in to this!!!!

Yes I am looking into the cafes. I did not know they were a thing x

Why don't you help him find a summer job?thats brilliant for friends and confidence.

They do a life saving course in the local swimming baths. I just need to finish uni and secure a job then I am going to look into it x

I did not know this existed! A quick Google search shows a few different companies - anyone tried any and can recommend?

TIA

The Rookie lifesaving is about £10 per session but Scouts and the bike club are cheaper, youth group is free.

Sport of any kind? My grandson and I often go out for long bike rides as he's got younger siblings and it's hard for DD getting them all out. He also plays football for a local team and his Dad is now one of the coaches. He's 13 and DD was getting really worried about the amount of screen time he was having.

I think any kind of physical activity is always a win. Local running group? Second hand bike off FB marketplace?

Air cadets, army cadets, sea cadets?

My 15yo has his devices severely limited. No social media (only WhatsApp since beginning of y10), with time limits on his phone. Video games are time limited and only at the weekend/holidays.

Start with the problem. Nothing is going to be as “fun” as the instant gratification of screens. Let him get bored and find ways to fill his time.

Our local area has an “adventure unit” which is a little like a youth club. Friday night only. They have various ages - my son is in the 14-18 group. They have a “den” with ping pong etc but do bike rides in the park, climbing, bbqs, walks etc. Would your area have something similar?

We also have a small historic site which is run by volunteers and this place have said they will accommodate my son (15) when he finishes GCSEs. He’s not keen, I hope to persuade him! Good for the CV.
Ooo
He also has a monthly leaflet round (paid). Basically a paper round but once a month - Look local. I think they are National

He should be the one with ideas. Thinking up hobbies is what you do for an under 10 year old. At his age he should be able to decide what interests him.

Obviously a kid who has been doing too much gaming may need help in finding other things to do. Its not 'for under 10s' is it ? As any parent of a gaming obsessed teen is aware...they may need a lot of encouragement to do other things

Op. We used brick borrow lego subscription.

My 14 yr old is similar in fact I really empathise with the sad situation where them having a bath is a break from gaming !!

My son loves football both playing and watching...he recently started golf ..local cheap place yoi can play for 15 quid gets them out all afternoon

I dont think I could have persuaded him though it came from him

Youth club ??

Watching through a list of documentaries ?

I think ultimately it's about saying..right you have x time gaming snd then you have to read or lego etc and leave it to them.

Also..what about morr social stuff would he be going to the park with friends?

Friends? Mine were both out and about with their mates a lot at this age which broke up the gaming. Plus at least one physical activity was mandatory as in what’s going to be your sport this year? Are you carrying on with karate or trying something new?. For both it was boxing club by that age. They both joined the gym at 15, and go running as well.

Thank you, it has become a gradual thing and completely my fault because I have commenced with a degree, adding to that that he now will not go to his dads, I have to do the work while he is here which means I have left him to his own devices (literally!). I do 12 hour placement shifts alongside academic work and his fall out with his dad has really made things hard.

All his friends are the same and that is one of the reasons I have let it slide. I thought it was better than him being on social media constantly. Also, he is not at a local school so his friends are dotted all over the place.

I am defiantly going to get in the Lego subscription thing, I am going to look at a youth club today to see if it is still open. Unfortunately, I do not live in a very nice area at present, hence the school, and fear that if the youth club is running he might not "fit in" very well.

Do you have screen time controls? Limit the hours the uses it? Wifi turn off at night, limit to certain sites, etc?

Has he got any other interest?

I feel you. It is a battle against screens these days; even with controls and other interests they and us spend more time we should.

I wish smart phones weren’t allowed until 16. A friend of mine did this, they still used hers though I think

What does he want to do for a career? He's old enough to get a part-time job now isn't he? That'd get him out of the house and give him other things to think about.

For our own DS, getting out of the house is the only solution. Not only is he obsessed with devices, but his homework has to be done on a school iPad and it is used all day long at school as well. He plays two musical instruments, but does the minimum practice so that he can get back to the tech. When he is home, it is a full-time slog to get him to do this, or to do his chores, without which he wouldn’t get any pocket money.

But if I tell him we are going out then he will come, because he does not like to be home alone for long. We’ve gone out for nice lunches and walks and he’s still happy to meet up IRL with a friend at one of our local parks. Another thing I have done is to tell him how lonely it is that he won’t communicate with us and rushes family meals because he is so into his devices. He has actually taken that on board and does occasionally ask if we can do some baking together or have a special day out in the holidays.

Finally, my major concern is not the social media, but the sheet amount of time that he is physically on a screen. And I kind of respect what he is doing, because he is extremely interested in how devices work and what can be achieved. Currently he is working on making me a digital picture frame for my birthday. He knows that I admire his passion, commitment and skill and that I am proud of him. And he gets my concerns. I think that helps. But it is work in progress …

I am surprised by the amount of "have to persuade him" and "won't buy into it". Do you allow children to make other parenting decisions?
As I say, ours get to choose WHAT they do but they don't get to choose doing nothing.