Unhappy nearly 15 year old (shared parenting)

[OneGreyBiscuit]

I split with ex a year ago. My Ds was almost 18 and decided to live with me. It was agreed that she would be with me from Fri to Tues morning and the rest at her dad's and with me for the most part in the holidays. This works ok for me and him but it isn't working for her. She gets more and more upset going there, says it's disgusting, he has no washing machine so it's me who washes her clothes, refuses to shower there as it's so disgusting and hasn't even provided shower gel, supplies no sanitary ware and has bought her no clothes. He gets half the child benefit for this level of care. My DD has sent a message to him to say she doesn't want to stay there and he's guilt tripped her and says he has a legal right (which is correct as she's nearly 15 so still a minor) and is mentioning court. I had her for 5 weeks out of 6 last summer and because he took her on holiday, he was expecting half the child benefit for August, I told him to jog on and blocked him. Oh and he also decided to get a job at the same place I have worked for 10 years. Any advice, as I'm really stressed about this?

The court will listen to her views and attach significant weight to them from the age of about 11-12.

A child arrangements order can't be made in respect of a child once they are 16 unless there are exceptional circumstances (eg disability).

He can apply to the court, but if she is nearly 15 now there is no point - by the time Cafcass have done their report, which is taking 17 - 24 weeks in most areas, and then the court has scheduled a final hearing, she will be nearly 16 and any order will be in effect for a very short time. The "no order principle" means that the court shouldn't make an order unless to do so is better than not making one, and faced with a 15 1/2 year old the court may even decline to make an order at all rather than make one that is effective for a few months.

Even if they do make one, the order is overwhelmingly likely to be that she lives with you and sees her dad when she wants to, because her wishes and feelings will be given significant weight.

Let him waste his money.

He won't take you to court. There isn't a hope in hell's chance of him getting a contact order for a 15 year old who doesn't want to stay with him. Just support your daughter in what she wants to do. You didn't cause this situation; he did by not looking after her or providing the basics of a home.