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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

16 year old wants overnight with boyfriend

30 replies

GCautist · 31/01/2026 17:23

Aita to say no to my 16 year old daughter staying overnight with her 16 year old boyfriend?

Theyve been together 5 months and I know they’ve become intimate recently and I know I can only arm her with the appropriate information and a ton of prophylactics to keep her safe however I still feel it’s inappropriate for her to be staying overnight at his at this point in time.

His mother doesn’t seem to have an issue with it and I can’t put my finger on exactly why I do have an issue other than I think she’s too young and just a bit immature for that next step in a relationship.

Hes a nice respectful young man and they are besotted with each other I have no other worries and I know teens will do whatever teens want to do but I still want to protect her.

She thinks I’m being totally unreasonable and wants a reason other than because I say so. I can’t force her to come home but that’s not an issue right now. Am I being an arsehole?

OP posts:
monicagellerbing · 31/01/2026 17:37

She’s 16, you’re being too overprotective. So long as she’s using protection and feels safe and comfortable I don’t see how you can stop her.

yorkshiretoffee · 31/01/2026 17:41

How close are they to 17?
Could they wait til then, or could they wait til they've been together 6 months maybe? So not a yes, but a yes within a timeframe.

(I suspect the rest of the responses will all say you should allow them)

Snorlaxo · 31/01/2026 17:42

Yanbu to be cautious about saying yes.

I think that you need some ground rules first like frequency (I’d be scared that saying yes once led to asking for every weekend)

Have you discussed what kind of contraception to use? I would ideally want both of them to use something to protect from pregnancy and Stds.

Do you think you’d be happier if he stayed over at yours instead?

It’s half term soon. Would that be a convenient first time?

7238SM · 31/01/2026 17:45

My own mum (who had a sheltered, strict upbringing) said she'd prefer me to be at home IF I was going to be having sex, rather than the back of a car, behind a bar near the bins etc. They will find a way to be intimate again- whether you like it or not.

I'd support her getting a longer term contraceptive plus using condoms. There are specific under 24's clinics to get free condoms and sexual health and contraceptive advice.

DisappearingGirl · 31/01/2026 17:48

I think the question of whether they stay overnight with each other is maybe separate to the issue of whether they have sex.

I'm still not sure what the answer is though.

Are they in Year 11 or in college / sixth form?

user2848502016 · 31/01/2026 17:51

Difficult one, is she 16 going on 17 or recently turned 16? I feel like that makes a difference to me, 16 in year 12/college I would say yes.
Very recently turned 16 I would say wait until school summer holidays.
I would also have ground rules like only once a week on a Friday/Saturday

Summerunlover · 31/01/2026 17:52

Honestly I would say yes but rather they be at my home.
my mum let me and I was with that person 5 years.

Oreo07 · 31/01/2026 17:53

Way too young to stay overnight, I wouldn't allow it either. I don't think it'd feel comfortable with it unless it was an adult who is engaged/married or with very long term partner.

CrikeyMajikey · 31/01/2026 17:53

I’m in a similar position, DD and BF are both 17 1/2, so Year 13. I allow the odd sleepover, probably one per month that usually coincides with a party. I don’t think I’d allow it at 16, it feels a bit too young. I’d like to have said not until after A Levels this summer but his parents allowed it and I didn’t want it only happening at his house.

Lennonjingles · 31/01/2026 17:55

We let DS’s girlfriend stay over, but obviously asked them to be respectful of others as our room was next to theirs and on a single bed we could hear everything, so would rather anything they did, they do it when we were out, which was often enough. I told them both, if anything happened they needed advice on, to please ask me. It’s difficult, but I would rather them here than anywhere else.

BobInABoat · 31/01/2026 17:56

They are not having sex whilst sleeping so unless he lives miles away and the parents have to drive him home then why does he need to stay over? You can still provide a safe environment for them to be intimate. Sleeping over is a separate issue and it isn't something I would want for my children even though my own Mother allowed it. 16 feels mature but it really isn't.

I would want them both to be concentrating on their studies and seeing their friends too. As someone whose relationship nosedived just before A levels it deeply affected my ability to concentrate and tanked my grades. I saw him every day at school, there was no escape from that.

As well as consent and condoms there also needs to be a conversation about her tracking her periods, would she talk to you if she is late? Would she be able to buy a pregnancy test? Do you want to have some of those in just in case? What does she think she would do if she became pregnant? Keep it? Give it up for adoption or have an abortion? Does she know where to get abortion advice and the difference between a medical and a surgical abortion and the cut off for number of weeks pregnant? These are all the things to talk to her about and this is a conversation she should have had with her boyfriend too.

ContentedCat · 31/01/2026 17:58

She either has sex with him when she stays over or else sneaks around and has sex where she can.

Saying no to staying over won’t stop her having sex.

Original poster
GCautist · 31/01/2026 18:03

To answer they’re not quite 16 1/2 they’re s5 (Scotland so lower 6th in England) I don’t think they’ve had actual sex they’re still exploring.

Our house is far too small to have him stay overnight here right now - we’re waiting on an extension to start to give her a proper bedroom and maybe then I’d consider it here but I don’t know his parents at all and don’t feel comfortable with her being over there.

For all she comes across mature in conversation she’s very emotionally immature
and that concerns me. I had the kind of mom who didn’t give a shit where I was at the weekend as long as I wasn’t under her feet so I don’t really have anything to compare it to. I was ridiculously sensible at that age but she seems to want to be first having these experiences among her friends and I worry she’s rushing it. She won’t speak openly about contraception and the likes so it relies on my giving lectures on safety which says to me she’s not really ready for that kind of relationship.

OP posts:
Original poster
GCautist · 31/01/2026 18:04

ContentedCat · 31/01/2026 17:58

She either has sex with him when she stays over or else sneaks around and has sex where she can.

Saying no to staying over won’t stop her having sex.

I’m not trying to stop her having sex. If that ship hadn’t already said it’s at the dock waiting. I just don’t feel comfortable with her staying overnight with him.

OP posts:
ClothesHorseProblems · 31/01/2026 18:11

GCautist · 31/01/2026 18:03

To answer they’re not quite 16 1/2 they’re s5 (Scotland so lower 6th in England) I don’t think they’ve had actual sex they’re still exploring.

Our house is far too small to have him stay overnight here right now - we’re waiting on an extension to start to give her a proper bedroom and maybe then I’d consider it here but I don’t know his parents at all and don’t feel comfortable with her being over there.

For all she comes across mature in conversation she’s very emotionally immature
and that concerns me. I had the kind of mom who didn’t give a shit where I was at the weekend as long as I wasn’t under her feet so I don’t really have anything to compare it to. I was ridiculously sensible at that age but she seems to want to be first having these experiences among her friends and I worry she’s rushing it. She won’t speak openly about contraception and the likes so it relies on my giving lectures on safety which says to me she’s not really ready for that kind of relationship.

I would say to her that if she's not prepared to have a mature conversation with you about sex, consent, contraception, maintaining friendships and acedemics whilst having a serious relationship then she's not yet ready to have a serious relationship.

Tell her what your concerns are and tell her that she needs to convince you she's capable of mitigating them before you'll facilitate her relationship getting any more serious

user1471548941 · 31/01/2026 18:13

I think what you’re trying to articulate is that frequent sleepovers introduce a more adult element to the relationship that is more emotionally mature than she’s ready for? There’s a big jump between a teenage boyfriend and having a partner that you spend frequent nights with.

I was never allowed sleepovers with the BF I had from 15-19. I’m glad because when I realised we were different people wanting different things, it was easy to break it off and I was able to enjoy being single and dating at uni.

We were pretty insular as a couple and I think if we’d been allowed sleepovers it would have made that much more ingrained and it would have made it much harder for me to break it off. The lack of sleepovers ensured I still had friends/hobbies independent of him. It created some artificial space where I was able to think and grow independently which is important as a teen.

An all out ban would harsh I think if he’s a good kid and they are being mature about sex. However I think you could limit it to circumstantial (i.e. party/event that would otherwise require a lift) or just limit frequency, based on an argument around emotional maturity/space/growth.

Cupboarddoorknob · 31/01/2026 18:20

If she won’t discuss her contraceptive plans then I think it’s reasonable to say no, but also I’d get her booked at the GP so she has the opportunity to discuss her options with them

Ileithyia · 31/01/2026 18:23

7238SM · 31/01/2026 17:45

My own mum (who had a sheltered, strict upbringing) said she'd prefer me to be at home IF I was going to be having sex, rather than the back of a car, behind a bar near the bins etc. They will find a way to be intimate again- whether you like it or not.

I'd support her getting a longer term contraceptive plus using condoms. There are specific under 24's clinics to get free condoms and sexual health and contraceptive advice.

This sums it up. Him not staying over won’t stop them having sex, it’ll just increase the chance of silly risks being taken with contraception. If you are able to have open honest conversations with her then chat about contraception and make sure she knows to be very careful. A loud cheerful ‘GOOD NIGHT YOU TWO’ through the wall/door will also point out that sound carries…. Grin

Linoleum81 · 31/01/2026 18:33

When I was 17, my mum was completely against the idea of me staying at my boyfriends or him staying at ours. After so many arguments and feeling as though my parents were babying me, I moved in with him. Dreadful decision on my part, but I was young, thought I was in love, enjoyed having sex, and wanted my freedom.

so; while it’s your house; your rules… I’d suggest allowing sleepovers, but maybe no more than once a week

Tumbler2121 · 31/01/2026 18:36

Same as with any sleepover, tell her to ring you if she feels uncomfortable or unhappy and you

iusedtobeasize8 · 31/01/2026 18:53

I have a 15 an 17 yo girls and I wouldn’t allow it. They’re still children. I really wouldn’t be comfortable with it. Maybe if the boyfriend slept in a different room I’d allow it occasionally.

Overtheatlantic · 31/01/2026 18:58

I wouldn’t let her stay over at his house. She’s 16, and they can jolly well sneak around like we used to do. 😆 Seriously though, they’re not adults, they’re kids. Maybe at 17 in a longer relationship.

Rayqueen2026 · 31/01/2026 19:21

Nope there still classed as kids no way do ours have bfs staying over etc

DisappearingGirl · 31/01/2026 19:51

user1471548941 · 31/01/2026 18:13

I think what you’re trying to articulate is that frequent sleepovers introduce a more adult element to the relationship that is more emotionally mature than she’s ready for? There’s a big jump between a teenage boyfriend and having a partner that you spend frequent nights with.

I was never allowed sleepovers with the BF I had from 15-19. I’m glad because when I realised we were different people wanting different things, it was easy to break it off and I was able to enjoy being single and dating at uni.

We were pretty insular as a couple and I think if we’d been allowed sleepovers it would have made that much more ingrained and it would have made it much harder for me to break it off. The lack of sleepovers ensured I still had friends/hobbies independent of him. It created some artificial space where I was able to think and grow independently which is important as a teen.

An all out ban would harsh I think if he’s a good kid and they are being mature about sex. However I think you could limit it to circumstantial (i.e. party/event that would otherwise require a lift) or just limit frequency, based on an argument around emotional maturity/space/growth.

I think I agree with this.

Not sure how I'll handle it when my DDs are that age!

user2848502016 · 31/01/2026 20:41

I think go with your gut feeling that she’s not ready. It is a big step in a relationship and makes it more grown up and serious.
If she isn’t ready to talk properly about contraception and isn’t even having sex yet I would say no.
Maybe tell her you are saying no for now but you can talk about it again in the summer.