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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

16 year old wants overnight with boyfriend

30 replies

GCautist · 31/01/2026 17:23

Aita to say no to my 16 year old daughter staying overnight with her 16 year old boyfriend?

Theyve been together 5 months and I know they’ve become intimate recently and I know I can only arm her with the appropriate information and a ton of prophylactics to keep her safe however I still feel it’s inappropriate for her to be staying overnight at his at this point in time.

His mother doesn’t seem to have an issue with it and I can’t put my finger on exactly why I do have an issue other than I think she’s too young and just a bit immature for that next step in a relationship.

Hes a nice respectful young man and they are besotted with each other I have no other worries and I know teens will do whatever teens want to do but I still want to protect her.

She thinks I’m being totally unreasonable and wants a reason other than because I say so. I can’t force her to come home but that’s not an issue right now. Am I being an arsehole?

OP posts:
Sassylovesbooks · 02/02/2026 14:36

If your daughter isn't prepared to have a conversation with you regarding contraception, consent and what constitutes a healthy relationship, then you are correct to say no. She's saying that she's 'not ready for all that', suggests that either she genuinely isn't or she's telling you what she thinks you want to hear!!

If she can't have a mature conversation, then she's not ready for a serious relationship, let alone a sexual one.

The average 16 year old thinks they're mature, but in reality they aren't, and are not ready for a sexual relationship and all it entails. No, you can't stop her from having sex, but she needs to be using contraception and condoms too.

I would say to her, that you will be prepared to revisit the question once the new extension has been built, but right now the answer to staying over is no.

Ponderingwindow · 02/02/2026 15:01

It’s not about sex, it is about intimacy. They are teenagers and you do not need to pretend that their relationship is more serious than is actually possible for their age. They do not have the stress of real life with bills and responsibilities. If you start allowing overnights, it is a bit like playing house, all the fun, but none of the work.

A teenage relationship should be fun and potentially ephemeral. It doesn’t need the validation that comes by parents sanctioning overnights.

Tealfish · 03/02/2026 09:10

I have been through this with my DD. It's hard and a tough one to call. In the end we said yes when 17 AND only as one offs / special occasions so as not to set a precident for it becoming every weekend. The exception to the 17 age limit was if there was a party happening and people were staying over(we live in a rural area) ...we did allow this. They are still together 1.5years in but it's looking like the relationship has almost run it's course.

EnchantedDaytime · 03/02/2026 09:22

user1471548941 · 31/01/2026 18:13

I think what you’re trying to articulate is that frequent sleepovers introduce a more adult element to the relationship that is more emotionally mature than she’s ready for? There’s a big jump between a teenage boyfriend and having a partner that you spend frequent nights with.

I was never allowed sleepovers with the BF I had from 15-19. I’m glad because when I realised we were different people wanting different things, it was easy to break it off and I was able to enjoy being single and dating at uni.

We were pretty insular as a couple and I think if we’d been allowed sleepovers it would have made that much more ingrained and it would have made it much harder for me to break it off. The lack of sleepovers ensured I still had friends/hobbies independent of him. It created some artificial space where I was able to think and grow independently which is important as a teen.

An all out ban would harsh I think if he’s a good kid and they are being mature about sex. However I think you could limit it to circumstantial (i.e. party/event that would otherwise require a lift) or just limit frequency, based on an argument around emotional maturity/space/growth.

I agree with this too, having also been in a relationship from 16-18 where we were not allowed to sleepover but a blind eye was turned to what we got up to (safely, in the house) at other times, it meant the relationship didn't get too insular and we maintained separate social lives as well as going out together, in fact we mainly socialised in a group with friends. Staying over was a slippery slope to too much commitment at that age.

MamaBear2210T · 03/02/2026 13:58

It’s a no here. It’s like playing house and nothing good comes from that.

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