13yo being framed by her friend

[Snuggleloto]

So, my daughter has a friends, let’s call them Apple and Cherry. Apple was dd’s bff. Apple edited Cherry’s photo and posted it on whatsapp. Apple told Cherry that it was my daughter, who did it. It happened last Oct, and somehow this spread out and my daughter was harassed by other kids in verbal and text. Her responded was only telling them to back off, this has nothing to do with you, leave me alone.

out of nowhere, last week dd was called by her teacher, apparently Cherry reported her (Cherry was there too). When the teacher accused her, she told the truth that it wasn’t her but Apple. So the teacher called Apple as well. The moment Apple saw DD and Cherry, she started crying. And when asked she denied it heavily. Under pressure from the teacher, Apple and Cherry, DD admitted and apologised. the teacher called me and notify me about what is happened.

i talked with DD and i believe her. She also show me her phone. Then we managed to found a message from Apple asked DD to told Cherry that the one who edited her photo was my younger son. Dd refused, and Apple said “ too late, i already told cherry and she didn’t believe it, she think you did it.” Dd was upset and asking why did you do that, Apple said if not Cherry will be very angry at her.

I emailed the teacher all chat records as proves and ask the teacher to investigate it and clear dd name. It has been 3 days but no response from the teacher. She also didn’t call dd to ask about the situation. So how long should i give time for the teacher to response? Or should i escalate this to the head of school?

meanwhile, apple was telling everyone else that dd backstabbed her, push the blame to her and humiliated her in front of the teacher. And dd experiences harassment from others again

The school contact on Monday for an update. Also if I was your daughter I'd be posting the screenshots of proof over her social media so the kids at school can see the truth

have I failed to understand properly or has this probably all been blown out of proportion over a photo and maybe the school have more important things to be dealing with right now . Maybe they all need to either say I don’t know what happened and drop it , but say nothing else should happen like this again or your DD makes new friends. .

Its the principal the school are blaming her for something she hasn't done. And the kids at school are bullying her over it I'd absolutely be turning up with proof to clear daughters name

tbh i also think it is a little bit too much all of this over a photo, specially because what apple did was, she needed a group photo without cherry on it. So she just put an emoji on cherry face. That is why eventhough dd upset, she stayed silent. But Cherry reported DD to school and she got behaviour points for that. And also have to deal with all other knights wannabe who. With all of these, i can’t accept it. I need to seek justice for my daughter.

She doesn’t have socmed. Only whatsapp

Why are school even getting involved in this overblown drama which presumably happened outside school? An emoji over someone’s face - wtaf. I can see how they’d be concerned about bullying that over spilled into school hours, but why would they give two shits about someone putting an emoji over a pupils face in WhatsApp??

Get DD to send the screenshot to Cherry whilst apologising that she only admitted it because it was all so tense and obviously she didn't do it, here is the proof. Hopefully that will then spread around the friendship group and it will be the end of.

Who'd be a teacher🤯🤯

Years 7 and 8 can be pretty brutal. By year 9 they are settling down a bit. Idk if your dd is year 8 or 9. However, your dd should send screenshots of the messages to Cherry. And you should get school to monitor the situation and remove the behaviour points from your dd. You can’t get them to do anything to sanction Apple. You can, however, get them to ensure your dd isn’t targeted by the other kids.

If this doesn’t settle then your dd could put the screenshots on the class group WhatsApp if they have one. But that’s a bit nuclear and could get her into trouble.

Do you know the parents of Apple and Cherry? Is it worth reaching out to them?
I have a 12 year old DD. I’ve found yr 7 to be a nightmare with all the falling out

Dd already sent the screenshot to cherry, but she refused to believe it. She firmly believe in Apple or she might just refused to admitted that she was wrong

OP I fear from my your posts and updates that it’s now become irrelevant who the perpetrator of this ‘photoshopping’ is and the people involved just want to hound your daughter.

This sadly happened to me and it was pointless me trying to explain myself. on the plus side, and I know it’s no consolation - for most people - friendships they had at 13 become irrelevant in adulthood

keep giving your daughter plenty of emotional support - she’ll be fine 😊😊❤️

Is this even a school matter though? I mean, if the bullying of your dd is happening in school hours then yeah they should be dealing with that. But it’s not their job to ‘investigate’ who did what and look at WhatsApp evidence of something that happened outside school. I’m not sure they should even have called the children in.
But now they are involved, yes, they should be acknowledging your daughters innocence which is now clear for all the see.
The only person she needs to convince is Cherry. Send her the evidence. And cut this Apple off, she’s a nasty piece of work.

In that case I’d be reaching out to Cherrys parents and showing them the evidence.

Has there been any kind of consequence at school, other than dd apologising and obviously feeling rubbish? If not then I'd leave it, you've sent them the evidence and the teacher probably also said "don't edit photos, stop being silly, and don't be nasty to your friends" they're well used to this age group and the drama, and if it's happened outside of school they can't really "investigate", they wont search through their snapchat or whatever (Apple will have removed any evidence anyway) - if she's got detentions, or has been banned from something or there is a long term impact then definitely follow up with the school and keep chasing so they remove any sanctions, but otherwise what will they actually do? Pull all the girls back in and say "we think it was Apple" at which point Apple cries and says it wasn't or apologises but then afterwards tells Cherry it wasn't, it doesn't change anything for your dd with friends etc. If Cherry has seen the evidence and hasn't changed her mind, the reality is that nothing will (this isn't about who is "right" it's about which girl Cherry's "choosing" and she's chosen Apple - this is a tween/teen girl classic fall out/mean girl power play).

As tough as it is, it will blow over, give her lots of love. She needs to find nice new friends, throw herself into other things (hobbies, academics, other socials etc). It's a sh*tty life lesson, sometimes friends screw you over and sometimes you get blamed for things that aren't your fault. Shes shared all the evidence she has and told the truth, nothing more can be done. The reality is, she will need to keep moving forward, not let it get to her and find nicer people to hang out with unfortunately. Protesting loudly and constantly will just keep it in people's minds for longer and if Apple and Cherry loudly refute what she is saying despite the screenshot, then it's unlikely anyone will believe her anyway. This age is horrid and it'll happen again, it's a thick skin, keep head up, have other friends type situation I think.

Everyone saying school shouldn’t be dealing with the WhatsApp side of things.. the DfE released guidance that states school policies should now include dealing with these kinds of incidents so unfortunately, schools are managing them. If all parents parented properly and monitored their kids’ activity on socials/messaging, this wouldn’t be the case. The world we live in now!

I would follow up with school and make sure anything is removed from her record, so long as the proof is undeniable. They should definitely be dealing with the fallout from the original incident that your daughter is now suffering from.

Remove chat programs from your daughter’s phone Tik Tok, Snap Chat and WhatsApp. In particular they allow disappearing messages which is going to be the likely way they start communicating with your daughter once they find out you’ve provided screenshots.

You should also change her phone number.

We’ve had to remove Step Son from school and enroll him somewhere else because of stupid drama at this age. They don’t learn a lesson and back off, they just keep digging the hole deeper - if this is going on since October it’s simply not going to end until they are either punished at home or your daughter moves schools.

Something a bit similar happened to me as a kid and it was a really pretty traumatic.

One of my best friends got a poison pen letter written on a computer. The head teacher accused me of it. I had no clue what was going on and didn't own or have access to that brand of computer. This was like 1991.
Another very vindictive girl who hated my friend did have one in her bedroom. The head didn't believe my innocence.

Nobody ever explained why I was accused or apologised or reprimanded the culprit and my own mum didn't even stick up for me. I'd just lost my dad and couldn't handle that shit so just said I'm leaving the school. And did.

Don't let your child be framed. Back in my day there wasn't proof like there is now.

I would be forwarding the proof to Cherry's parents so that they are aware of what actually happened too.

Contact the school on Monday to find out what is happening and do not let this go. Your DD has been ostracised for something she didn't do.

Another day another post reminding me why kids shouldn't have smartphones

i dont understand, did she access your daughter's phone to send it?

all she can do as far as friends are concerned is show them the wattsapp screen shots but you need to encourage her to keep her distance from the fruits and make other friends.

speak to school Monday after lunch

I think contacting Cherry’s parents at this stage is a good idea because your dd is being bullied despite evidence to the contrary. This is such a hard age.

It is not the school’s job to investigate the WhatsApp incident or the photograph incident.
These things happened outside of school and are not their responsibility, although obviously they do have to deal with any issues that spill over into school.
Personally, I would contact Apple and Cherry’s parents.

Yes at first glance it seems like a disproportionate reaction but the OP's daughter has been wrongly accused of something which IS a big deal and could happen again, with potentially much further reaching consequences so it needs dealing with now.

I’m a teacher and unfortunately it now is the school’s responsibility too. DfE advised schools to include it in their policies. Online incidents are rife thanks to parents who allow their kids to have these devices/apps too young with absolutely no supervision. I’m primary school and we deal this on a weekly basis