Teen not eating at school/during the day.

[ZippyGeorgeandBungle2]

DD is 15 in June & recently she’s stopped eating when she’s at school. She leaves the house at 7:50 & won’t have anything until she gets home at 4:45.
I know she doesn’t eat because I can see it on her school account & she doesn’t take anything from home. She claims she doesn’t get hungry but surely she must?? All day without anything??
Ive spoken to her guidance teacher who was very understanding but said unfortunately they see it all the time & that it’s common amongst girls her age, but will keep an eye on her.
She eats a decent meal at tea time but has become increasingly fussy in what she’ll eat after years of being a fantastic eater with a good appetite. When she does snack at home it’s usually nothing particularly nutritional but it’s food.
Those with teens, please tell me this is a phase? I don’t want this to become an issue. She already complains of headaches & being tired & I’ve told her until I’m blue in the face it’s because she isn’t drinking even enough water.
She has an active hobby which uses a lot of kcals which i doubt she’s getting.
I’m just not sure how to navigate this without pushing her & making her retreat even more into her room!

Has she lost weight? Are there any other behaviours linked to restriction?

I would say watch out for extra changes around what and when she eats eg saying she’s going to a friend’s for dinner (and then telling friend’s mum she ate at home etc).

I wouldn’t say this was normal. It is a very obvious sign of limited food restriction.

could you see if she’s be open to therapy straight away? The earlier you get on top of it the less entrenched restrictive food habits will become

Does she have braces?
Lots of food gets stuck or colours the elastics.

*time limited food restriction (eg when she can get away with it)

Another question: what is her friendship group like? Are they competitive? Very focused on looks?

As someone who’s disordered eating started around this age, please keep a very close eye on her.

I stopped eating at school, then stopped eating breakfast. Then I became more and more picky in what I would and wouldn’t eat.

Has she lost any weight? Become more withdrawn?

Read the Eva Musby book for parents. If there are issues you need to get ahead of them fast. The quicker you act the better. Learn from my mistake. Don’t be complacent.

Dd at same age was doing what your Dd is now doing for months I was adamant there wasn’t an issue as she’s so emotionally balanced/ cheerful. We took her to gp and she broke down and admitted she “couldn’t eat”. She was almost admitted to hospital as her weight was so low. She is just about ok now but we needed to go in hard as parents we basically followed the method in the eva musby book.

Not acting fast enough is my biggest parenting fail which frankly I will take to my grave,

One meal a day for an active teen is definitely not enough. That’s what Dd was eating at her worst. And that one meal she picked at and would only eat the veg. Is she snacking on crap line cucumbers and rice cakes? They are banned in our house now.

We ended up having to monitor and enforce breakfast / snack / lunch / snack / dinner. Dd2 now has a healthy bmi albeit lowest end and eats without prompting. We still weigh her every week. We are still monitoring. We had to use a mix of threats CAHMs and psychiatrists to get where we are now.

Now you mention it it has actually started since she got her braces last summer! She has already said it’s annoying to eat with them in.
Shes not losing weight & there have been no drastic changes in behaviour. She simply says she isn’t hungry during the day but will have tea then eat crisps, biscuits into the night.
Her friendship group are a nice bunch of girls (mostly) and her boyfriend is very laidback. They tend to spend a lot of time here and they will make loaded fries, pasta or pizza to eat when they’re here.
I don’t want to keep on at her for her to become withdrawn but at the same time, I need her to understand how important it is at her age to be eating properly. Especially as after summer she will be gearing up for going into her exams.
To her it’s not a big deal but I fail to see how being hungry in school makes for an enjoyable day!

Is she avoiding drinking so she doesn't have to use the toilets in school? We dodged an eating disorder but my DD with autism wouldn't eat around other people as she didn't like them to see her.

Before you jump the gun on thinking ED, consider this:

if school dinners:

any friendship issues? Could she not be eating because she has no one to queue up with?

does it take a long time to get food, would
she rather be chatting with friends or hanging out somewhere?

if packed lunch:

tin-foil wrapped sandwiches, Aldi’s own crisps and a yogurt that needs to be eaten with a spoon can be ‘embarrassing’ to teens. There may be more acceptable option- like a pack of sushi, a cool Korean noodle cup that she can get water from the canteen for, protein bars, etc.

I didn’t eat lunch at school either. No ED at all- school dinners were just disgusting and I found it really cringe to sit and eat out of lunchbox 😂 When they opened a ‘cafe’ in the canteen I would have a croissant and a cappuccino for lunch until I was sixteen and could go offsite…for some reason a meal deal was acceptable!!!

Our now 25 year old, pretty much stopped eating at senior school. She refused to take a packed lunch because all of the things she liked to eat were stinky.
Her weight fell off, i didn't realise that the money I was giving her for snacks was being spent on cigarettes.

my dc don’t eat at school, queues are long, lunch break is short so they don’t. It’s not uncommon.
I’ve made sure there’s stuff at home to take (for them and their friends) so things they can share, like those tubs of flapjacks, pre packed waffles etc. not healthy, but it’s something.

Thats assuming it’s nothing else

My son doesn't always eat at school as he hates the school food. He eats like a horse when he gets home. If your child is eating a good breakfast and dinner I wouldn't worry too much. Just make sure you have plenty of healthy snacks at home so they aren't binging on sweets/crisps.

No, theres a big group of them that meet up at lunchtime & they all would get lunch together at school or go to local shop/takeaway.
I think the queues are big but not that long that they can’t wait in them.
We don’t do packed lunch as I know there’s absolutely no way she would eat that around her pals.
I don’t think we’re going down the ed route, I’m just struggling to understand how she can’t be hungry and not want to eat. I love eating!

My dd did this in around year 10. I was very worried (as I can't go more than a few hours without eating!) But she reassured me she really wasn't hungry. I remember when I was very young the school dinners were so awful I happily ate nothing at school. Don't worry too much, as long as she's eating a decent breakfast, there is food available & she has money on her account. My dd now tries to have a bite to eat at lunch & even takes a sandwich sometimes

It’s not up to you whether you “go down the ED route”. My Dd was cheerful with legions of lovely friends and an adoring boyfriend and it still happened. Sorry but I wouldn’t be so jolly. I was like that initially. How wrong I was.

She needs to be gently but firmly guided to get back into the habit of eating properly.

Lots of teen girls avoid using school bathrooms.

My DD also did this around Year 10/11 and I worried too but in her case I think it was that she just really disliked canteen type food and queuing up though that didn’t stop me worrying really as she got a bit fussy about food likes/ dislikes around the same time. I just tried to encourage her to eat breakfast and gave her healthy ish snacks like cereal bars she could have in her bag. She would eat something straight after school and then a later dinner with us which reassured me she wasn’t restricting her eating at least but I definitely found that phase frustrating. She’s a bit better now she’s in 6 th form and can leave to get something off site if she wants to.

Thanks for your replies.
Going to make sure she has a decent snack when she comes home as there isn’t an issue with eating at home, just at school 🤯

My dd stopped eating lunch at the start of year 11 and developed a serious eating disorder. It’s very common amongst girls this age to not eat lunch. You are doing the right thing keeping a close eye on your dd and ensuring you dd eats the moment she leaves school, whether that’s at home, or if she goes out afterwards, giving her access to money to buy food.

Whether or not your dd develops an eating disorder isn’t up to you. It’s a genetic lottery. Some people can restrict their intake and be fine and go back to normal. Others cannot.

Idk why your dd isn’t eating. There’s a lot of demands placed on teens as they approach exams and eating can be the one, which falls by the wayside. It is disordered eating for sure, especially as your dd is bulking out on junk. Again common. I would keep talking to her and encourage her even to just take a couple of snacks with her to keep her going even if they’re not nutritionally the best. Explain that she will learn better if she’s eating something. Then when she gets home, she would be less hungry and might just eat a decent meal rather than filling up on food of low nutritional value.

I did the same thing at that age.my friend stopped going in the canteen.I lost a lot of weight.Then it happened again in my 20s. I de eloped anorexia.
Now at 59 I don't eat during the day and I'm being assessed for autism as I don't like crowds and I also don't like to feel full or eat in front of others.
Please keep an eye but don't get angry.it never helps.

Mummyoflittledragon I agree.Some people restrict then get bored or hungry others use it as control and some people have severe anxiety around people or food.

Op I went through this with my daughter , not for long Thankgod but for a month . It was all to do with how social media , especially instagram would portray what beautiful’ is ! I felt like I was going in sane when she was doing this . She has never been an overweight and to see her purposely starving herself made me feel helpless . But thankfully she loves food too much and also is very wise so it did only last a month . And nothing come of it . She was 14 at the time so 9 years ago . Me on the other hand , no social media back in them days but I went through a faze of not eating in school , then not eating at all . This went on for 6 months . I would only eat half an orange and a piece of bread . I went down to nothing . My mother didnt go about it the right way would burn my clothes to try scare me to eat . Ect. I had and still do have major low self esteem and always think Im fat and ugly . I then developed bulimia. And only stopped at 17 when I was sick loads of blood and was convinced I was dying . There could be numerous reasons why she’s doing it but with me and my daughter it was social media all these airbrushed fake women for her because she oddly brought it up a few days ago and said the reason , with me I think it was more of a control / self harm problem because my family life was unstable . The worst thing you can do is force her to eat or even mention eating . Just be there for her . Go in whej shes in bed late at night and lay with her , cuddle her . Say how beautiful she is . Im assuming she’s unhappy deep down .

Hi op i have wrote a reply but didn’t see this stating she does eat at home . I would still be worried this could develop further In to not eating . Also when she eats make sure she isn’t going straight to the toilet to be sick .im only saying this because this is what I would do just to get my mother to leave me alone .

I rarely ate at school. I think it was a mix of didn't want to waste half my break in a queue. Wanted enough time to fit a couple of fags in. Wanted to be with mates so just did what they did. I didn't have an eating disorder or anything

I’m sorry you and your dd went through what you have. However, as a mother with a dd with a severe eating disorder and having basically saved her life, I have to say that advising someone to not mention eating at all is a dangerous thing to say. This is how my dd ended up where she was. I agree you can’t force someone to eat, you can, however, put restrictions on their life if it is for their physical protection if they don’t. My dd had to give up all her sporting activities and to go on enforced bed rest if she didn’t eat.