TLDR: Single mum to a 15yo. Dad and Nana have consistently undermined my parenting for years. Son has grown increasingly disrespectful and selfish, refuses basic boundaries, and sees me as the “problem”. A fight over attending a rare family meal (vs football) was the final straw. He’s now chosen to live with Dad and Nana unless I apologise. I’m exhausted, ill, heartbroken, and questioning whether I did the right thing.
There’s a lot to cover in the post so it is going to be so long. If you stick around and read it all, thank you.
Background
• My son is 15.
• His dad and I split when he was under 1.
• We’ve had a roughly 50/50 arrangement, but always built around his dad’s shift pattern, meaning:
• Dad never has him while working only on his days off.
• I’ve always carried the day-to-day responsibility.
• Dad moved back in with his parents after we split.
• Nana (his dads mum) has been heavily involved since day one:
• Doing GP, dentist, school stuff on the days my sons with them.
• Essentially a third parent doing the things Dad should’ve done but didn’t.
I’ve always been grateful for her help, especially when I’ve been seriously ill. But that gratitude has also made it very hard to stand my ground when boundaries were ignored.
⸻
Ongoing Issues With Dad & Nana
This has been happening for years, not months.
Undermining from the start
• Dummies, potty training, routines — undone every time he stayed there.
• Nana openly ignores rules and justifies it as “that’s what grandparents do”.
• But this isn’t occasional babysitting. She’s effectively co-parenting.
Food & health
• I tried hard to encourage a balanced diet.
• Dad and Nana accused me of “forcing” food if I added veg or lettuce. I shouldn’t feed him stuff he doesn’t like (he’s a kid of course fruit and veg isn’t gonna be his first choice!)
• Son then repeated their words back to me.
Discipline never sticks
• If I removed phone/Xbox or grounded him:
• Dad would agree… briefly.
• Within days, rules vanished.
• He’d be back on his phone behind my back.
School & money
• Poor school reports — I made plans, Dad said he’d help, then didn’t.
• Son is awful with money.
• We agreed on a card limit. Dad & Nana ignored it within a month.
• I eventually stopped pocket money unless it’s earned.
⸻
Girlfriend & Boundaries
• Girlfriend stays over constantly.
• I had open, responsible conversations about sex and contraception.
• But I was repeatedly woken up hearing them having sex.
• After the fourth time, I put my foot down and said no more sleepovers.
• Grounded him and told Dad & Nana exactly why.
It didn’t last. Nothing ever does.
⸻
My Health & Stress Context (Important)
In the last 18 months:
• 4 months in hospital in 2024.
• Major surgery July 2025, ended up in ITU.
• Long-term illness (including lupus).
• Relationship eith my ex BF (not his Dad) ended while I was still hospitalised.
• Client went insolvent owing me thousands.
• Took on two extra jobs to recover financially.
• Still tried my absolute best to give my son a good Christmas.
I’m not parenting from a place of ease or support. I’m surviving.
⸻
The Argument That Broke Everything
I asked my son if he was free on a certain date because:
• My aunt and extended family (who live far away) were visiting.
• We were booking a family meal.
He said he could “70% come” unless football fixtures came out and there was a home game.
I explained:
• If I say to them he’s coming, he’s coming not oh he can maybe come 70%.
• I can’t mess people around with bookings.
He replied:
• He “doesn’t really know these people”.
• Why miss football for people he doesn’t know. This was said about 4 times by this next point.
I said, out of frustration:
They’re fucking family, not random people.
Things escalated even further. He accused me of being unreasonable and was so condescending and rude saying things like ‘you’ve got the audacity to speak to your son like that, I don’t know any parent that would do that’ this is in relation to me saying ‘they’re fucking family’ after he was repeatedly dismissing me acting like these people were nobodies. I didn’t swear directly at him but I did call him out for being selfish.
I said asking him to miss one football match for rare family time wasn’t unreasonable.
He refused outright and demanded an apology.
⸻
His Perspective (According to Him)
• He never clashes with Dad or Nana, so I must be the problem.
• I “create issues out of nowhere”.
• Other parents would just “leave it”.
• Swearing (context or not) is unacceptable. Even though we both swear in normal chatty conversations so it’s not remotely like we’re a family who doesn’t swear.
• He believes I am the reason the relationship isn’t sustainable.
⸻
My Reality
• We clash because I have boundaries.
• Dad & Nana don’t say no.
• He’s learned that if he waits long enough, rules disappear.
• He is increasingly selfish and dismissive.
• He speaks to me in ways people around me find shocking.
• Yet when things are calm, we’re genuinely close and affectionate and actually have a closer relationship than what he has with Dad. My son can be his true self around me, doing his funny impressions and cracking jokes etc, he would never be like that around Dad.
⸻
The Decision
After talking to friends and family, I realised I couldn’t keep doing this weekly.
For my health and sanity, I suggested:
• He stay with Dad & Nana until exams are over.
• We still see each other Saturdays.
• Remove the constant friction.
He agreed — but said he will only see me on Saturdays if I apologise for the argument.
In the heat of our argument when he demanded the apology I said I’m not apologising for asking you to come to a family meal, we’ll talk about it again when we’re both calm.
Then once the new arrangement was spoken about he demanded an apology again to allow me to see him on Saturdays. I actually ignored that part of the message and just kept calm answering the logistical stuff. When he needed to come for some of his stuff I said I can leave it by the door or he can come in for a chat and that I’d leave it up to him. He said he can only come in if I apologise. Then proceeded to add a list of things he wanted me to bag up for him and actually then asked for his gaming monitor saying ‘it’s mine anyway and at least I’d be getting good use out of it’. He’s asked me before when we’ve been fine to take his monitor to Nanas and I’ve always said no because it’s cable tidied into his desk etc and is a faff to have to undo all that. So he knew full well I wouldn’t have said yes to the monitor but I think he felt like he could push his luck. Inside I was fuming but I just replied calmly and said I’m not sending the monitor but everything else you’ve asked for will be in the bags for you. He then collected them from outside. And my word I was sobbing my heart out. I was heartbroken packing his things and heartbroken leaving them outside.
⸻
What life is actually like at his Dad’s (important context)
What hurts the most is that my son has openly said many times that he actually prefers my house because it feels more homely and cared for. At his dad’s, his room is a mess 24/7 because no one ever asks him to clean it, his bedding doesn’t get changed unless he brings clean bedding from my house, washing takes ages to come back from the wash, and there’s rarely food or drinks in the house that he likes. His dad doesn’t think about those things and instead just gives him money to sort himself out or orders takeaways. They don’t really spend quality time together either, my son is usually just in his room when he’s there. He’s also said before that he often goes to Nana’s on nights he’s meant to be with his dad because he prefers it there. So this isn’t about him being happier or better cared for there. It’s about having no boundaries, no expectations, and never being told no, which is obviously appealing to a teenager but devastating as a parent who has actually tried to create a stable, warm, functioning home.
I’m hoping that this whole trial of living with Dad and Nana until you finish school in June will work. I’m hoping that once the initial novelty has worn off of not having rules, being expected to do basic stuff like make your bed etc, once that has worn off I just hope it sinks in for him that actually I’m really not the bad guy.
⸻
Where We Are Now
• He’s living with Dad & Nana.
• Collected belongings contact-free.
• Says he’ll see me Saturdays once I apologise.
• I’m devastated, grieving, exhausted, and terrified this will backfire.
• I’m hoping distance and reality will eventually bring clarity.
• But I’m scared it’ll just reinforce the narrative that I’m the problem.
⸻
Why I’m Posting
I don’t want validation that I’m perfect. I know I’m not.
I want to know:
• Was I unreasonable?
• Has anyone else dealt with being the only parent enforcing boundaries?
• Does stepping back ever help?
• How do you protect your health without losing your child?
Because right now, I feel like I’ve lost him — and I don’t know if I did the right thing letting him go live there. I’m not perfect and I know that and have acknowledged that to my son many times. But the things we clash about are always due to him not following some very basic rules. If I was expecting way too much of him or was shouting and screaming at him all the time then I would understand that. But we only ever clash when I say no, and I feel like I have no respect or parental responsibility because everything is always challenged and undermined by the other side.
I just know that I feel beaten down, and honestly a bit depressed in the last few days since the big row. I’m crying a lot, I feel hopeless and powerless like I’m fighting a losing battle. 😢