Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

How to help teen boy who is refusing to revise

39 replies

Jewelcake · 28/12/2025 15:28

My son is GCSE year, does Ok at school however lots of potential but never puts the work into it. Says he doesn’t really care or see the point. Crunch time with mocks but has spent the holiday almost being anxious and too disorganized to do any revision. Moods have been terrible, sleeping all day up at night, vaping at home. I am worried we have missed à something ND or Sen - he had an Ed psych report in primary said had mild processing disorder but nothing concrete. He won’t do another one…

I guess am asking how to support him and where to go next …
anypne else seen à massive around after mocks?

OP posts:
Littletreefrog · 28/12/2025 15:33

What does he want to do post GCSEs? What does he need results wise in order to be able to do that? Is that achievable for him without much revision or would it need maximum effort?

DiscoBeat · 28/12/2025 15:39

Maybe get him privately assessed. We had the same with similar aged DS (no vaping but just not settling down to study). He's very academic but totally disorganised and the diagnosis came back Autism and Inattentive ADHD so I would definitely do that. Forget the NHS as it would take forever!

Original poster
Jewelcake · 28/12/2025 16:00

thanks - we have been thinking about getting him assessed for ADHD and see whether that would help him feel a bit happier with himself. He has no ideas what he wants to do, so difficult to motivate to work towards something
@DiscoBeat - did you just pick at random for a private provider - so difficult to know where to go …

OP posts:
bloomchamp · 28/12/2025 16:42

Has he been to any college open days? These really helped my dd decide on what she wanted to do and encouraged her to get her arse in gear

Original poster
Jewelcake · 28/12/2025 17:12

Hoping to go to the open day in Jan thanks

OP posts:
fruitypancake · 28/12/2025 17:13

my DS is yr 11 and having total break over Christmas, will start up again in Jan

Justmadesourkraut · 28/12/2025 17:31

DS2 has, without doubt, undiagnosed ADHD. It came to a head with mocks. He struggled with anxiety but hides it with a dont-care-never-mind attitude.

We negotiated. He would revise for 45 minutes at a time, and I would test him for 10 minutes at the end. We found it only worked if I sat and read a book on his bed whilst he revised. We drew up a timetable and he did 2 or 3 hours a day that way. We took all pressure off him, saying he should just do his best and so get good feedback on what he needs to work on for the actual exams.

It was a useful wakeup call. He wouldn't let me supervise revision in the same way in term-time, but at Feb half term, and in the Easter hols we went back to me on the bed with a novel and him doing 45 minutes stints with revision guides. He got there in the end.

blankcanvas3 · 28/12/2025 17:58

I got mine to sit down for 2 hours once he got home, no phone or play station until he had done the full 2 hours. DH and I also sat down with him and gave him little quizzes on what he was working on etc which helped. He had 5 days off over Christmas and then he had to get back to it. The sleeping all day/up all night thing - I would literally force him to get up at 11am if he slept in past then, and if he didn’t go to sleep early enough the night before that was on him. I did the same on school days too, it didn’t matter how tired he was, he WAS going.

When he was revising I made sure I was physically in the room with him so he could ask me questions etc, rather than just leaving him to it. I was better at some subjects, DH others so we could sort of tag team it.

cantbearsed247 · 28/12/2025 18:18

Highly recommend the CGP books, they lay everything out really neatly and clearly. Also watching videos on youtube like Mr Bruff, Primrose Kitten etc.

Original poster
Jewelcake · 29/12/2025 07:26

Will try some of the you tube that’s a great idea. Can’t get to the bottom of why he won’t revise,fear anxiety. I think I am more anxious than him!

OP posts:
ElsaSnow · 29/12/2025 08:18

Sometimes doing terribly in the mocks is enough of a kick up the bum to put the effort in for the real exams. This was how it was for my son and several of his friends last year! The more you push them to revise the more indignant they seem to become!

ElsaSnow · 29/12/2025 08:20

Also psicon is gold standard for private diagnosis as nhs also use them so schools and local authorities (for those looking for an ehcp) will accept a diagnosis from them rather than an unknown online assessment.

Stopbringingmicehome · 29/12/2025 08:22

Leave him alone and let him fail his mocks, then offer tutors

IceIceSlippyIce · 29/12/2025 08:24

I too would leave him be right now, and let him see what the mock results look like. Then, with the additional input of what he needs for college, put a plan in place to get there.

TeenToTwenties · 29/12/2025 08:27

has spent the holiday almost being anxious and too disorganized to do any revision

Lets take this at face value.
Help him.
Ask for 15 minutes of his time (not too scary, anyone can do 15 minutes)
Pick one topic from 1 subject and sit with him with the revision guide. Go through finding key facts and getting him to repeat them back to you.

If you can manage that, then you can slowly build up. You could (in your head) work towards him having a revision timetable.

I am slightly worried by your comment 'hoping to go to the open day in Jan'. You, I think, need to be going to a variety of settings to find a place / course that inspires and applying to more than one place . If he has a potential future that inspires him with clear grade requirements it might encourage him to work.

If you post on Secondary Education you'll find loads of other posters in the same boat as you.

RampantIvy · 29/12/2025 08:29

I thought most 6th form open days were in the autumn. However, I agree that visiting some 6th form colleges might be a motivator.

A friend's son is like yours - he is dyslexic but doesn't care and doesn't see the point. He passed a couple of GCSEs, failed maths multiple times, did three years at a 6th form college and came out with no qualifications and has been at home without a job, bored ever since. My friend has tried so hard to support him, but he still doesn't have the emotional maturity to understand that you can't just do nothing with your life.

TheOccupier · 29/12/2025 08:30

At this age you have to let them fail. This is what mocks are for. Let him experience the discomfort of failure and he may get his act together for the real thing.

What are the consequences for him vaping at home? What is he doing when he stays up all night? Are you controlling gaming/screen/WiFi time effectively?

TeenToTwenties · 29/12/2025 08:33

Even if he gets 3s or lower there is still courses he can do.

Best to try to avoid failing Maths and Eng Lang as it is incredibly depressing having to resit them (and resit pass rates aren't good anyway).

What are his hobbies / interests? We may be able to suggest a vocational qualification.

Itsnotallaboutyoulikeyouthink · 29/12/2025 08:33

Leave him to it, just explain the consequences of having to retake if he doesn’t get it done first time. My boy hardly revised and when he did it was because I was in the room with him testing him. He got grade 6 and 5s mainly which for him was outstanding. I suspect that he did more work than I knew at school or he just takes in a lot of the info and remembers it like an elephant.

Littletreefrog · 29/12/2025 08:33

RampantIvy · 29/12/2025 08:29

I thought most 6th form open days were in the autumn. However, I agree that visiting some 6th form colleges might be a motivator.

A friend's son is like yours - he is dyslexic but doesn't care and doesn't see the point. He passed a couple of GCSEs, failed maths multiple times, did three years at a 6th form college and came out with no qualifications and has been at home without a job, bored ever since. My friend has tried so hard to support him, but he still doesn't have the emotional maturity to understand that you can't just do nothing with your life.

Don't fall into the Mumsnet trap of thinking everyone goes to 6th form after GCSEs.

But I do agree with visiting as many settings as possible and looking at what apprenticeships are available as well to get an idea of what he may like to do and what he needs to do to get there.

Muchtoomuchtodo · 29/12/2025 08:34

Does he know how to revise effectively?

Does he know what kind of learner he is?

we talk about needing to revise but ime it’s not a skill that’s taught or explained well so lots of kids don’t actually know what they should be doing to be effective.

If he knows this stuff and still is unmotivated then you’re fighting a losing battle and setting yourselves up for a miserable 6 months. You can take a horse to water ………..

RampantIvy · 29/12/2025 08:39

Littletreefrog · 29/12/2025 08:33

Don't fall into the Mumsnet trap of thinking everyone goes to 6th form after GCSEs.

But I do agree with visiting as many settings as possible and looking at what apprenticeships are available as well to get an idea of what he may like to do and what he needs to do to get there.

Show quote history

When I specified 6th form I meant it to be an umbrella term for post 16 education/apprenticeship. I'm sorry I wasn't very clear. This young man is clearly not A level material.

@Jewelcake I think you need to reiterate to your son that he will be encouraged to retake English and maths until he passes them. Most employers ask for passes in both as a minimum requirement. In my friend's son's case he retook maths at least 4 times.

Original poster
Jewelcake · 29/12/2025 11:50

Thanks all, I just find it all so difficult that he just doesn’t seem to care. He will do terribly in the mocks maybe this is what he needs. My husband I and can’t agree about turning the WiFi off at night as he uses it for his job (WfH) and worries if something happens and he can’t turn it on in the morning.
I do really worry about him being so unmotivated by life, but how to change his attitude. He says he wants to stay on at his school - basically because of his friends and girlfriend who are mostly staying on. I take a little comfort in that he can maintain relationships and has said he wants a job, but I can’t understand the complete lack of motivation at the moment.

will have a look at psicon as I am wondering whether this is some undiagnosed issue

would love to say he has interests - mainly it’s girlfriend and listening to music. Wants to ‘get fit’ but mainly that’s doing pulls ups in his bedroom

OP posts:
Muchtoomuchtodo · 29/12/2025 13:01

if you think turning off the WiFi would have a positive effect, could you just change the password at a certain time rather than turning it off?

TheOccupier · 29/12/2025 14:01

Your DH needs to stop being an idiot about the wifi. Turn it off.

What are the school's required GCSE grades for DS to return for 6th form and is he likely to get those?

Swipe left for the next trending thread