How to help teen boy who is refusing to revise

[Jewelcake]

My son is GCSE year, does Ok at school however lots of potential but never puts the work into it. Says he doesn’t really care or see the point. Crunch time with mocks but has spent the holiday almost being anxious and too disorganized to do any revision. Moods have been terrible, sleeping all day up at night, vaping at home. I am worried we have missed à something ND or Sen - he had an Ed psych report in primary said had mild processing disorder but nothing concrete. He won’t do another one…

I guess am asking how to support him and where to go next …
anypne else seen à massive around after mocks?

DS (autism diagnosis) didn’t revise at all and got excellent results in the actual exams compared to poorer results in the mocks.

I think the teachers marked the mocks much lower to try to motivate the kids but it had no effect on DS.

I only get involved with study issues when asked to otherwise, I leave him to his own devices.

Mine has adhd. It really would be obvious well before gcse y11!
i mean yes inattentive adhd is less obvious but still teachers would have been telling you he wasnt paying attention. It would likely affect grades. He would be zoned out not following directions.
if hyperactive (adhd) there would be hyperactive movement or fidgeting, lack of sleep, some behaviour issues with impulsive behaviour from toddler age….
Talking too much, interrupting classes.
Losing things, not taking pe kids etc

Without any more info he sounds like a typical teen - boy. Doesnt care about school. They often only get motivated later on and cram the info.
i would just point out he needs x grades for alevels and as its scaled against the whole of uk you cant predict what score get what marks so can drop a lot resulting in resits.
if doing 8-10 subjects its hard to cram all of those.
How did he do on SATs? Should he be doing better than he is? If he only got say 100 thats a 4. 110 would be maybe 6.
i can see how its demotivating if even with loads of effort you are unlikely to get 7-9 grades.

You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink. He has to decide to do it himself.

Op I will say if you are this stressed about it (posting at Christmas time), it’s not going to help. You can lead a child to resources etc, you can’t make them ingest the material. It will help as others have said to turn off wifi have agreed screen time etc

Current year 11s didn't do SATS due to Covid.

Op, I am in my 40s and failed all my mock GCSEs back in the 90s - I had adhd (have it now of course) - being an adult has suited me a lot more than being at school! I'm doing fairly well in life ,though yes my adhd has always caused me problems.

I remember also failing all my mock A levels! it gave me such a fright as by that point of course I was only doing the subjects I cared about

I think we ask so much of 15/16 year olds - particularly those who are not necessarily enjoying school/ academic study - we want these teenagers to connect the boring/ dry classroom - and learning about dull stuff - with the world of work. Let's be honest - the world of work has nothing to do with boring classroom learning.

I am sureyour son will find his way in life - even if he doesn't see it now

by the way - your husband is being very odd about the wifi - you unplug it/ plug it back in - alternatively you could change the password at night.

I think (as I say this as someone with adhd and one of my children is also ND) - that it is a shame we have to wonder always about ND traits - we can also I think accept not every young person will be motivated by the specific (and in my view dull) way we teach children in mainstream schools.

It would be helpful to unpick the revision issues - could be totally overwhelmed and have no idea what to do. How's, you need to get him back on a healthy track with lifestyle....
Encourage him to give up vaping.
Get him to bed and asleep at a reasonable time and up again as well.
Turn the WiFi off at night.
Spend time with him, relaxing, not worrying about revising until term starts again.
Get him outside everyday - for a walk, cup of tea in the garden, etc

I gave up, let him coast, and focused on retaining our close and open relationship. He is now coasting at college doing very little for a b tec.

I figure at some point, he will mature and get some drive and motivation.

Yes, he could have done better in his gcses. But at what price, when he wasn't interested, and it would involve me nagging continually. Scraping passes in his mocks was fine in his mind. He just wanted to not have to do maths and English resits. Anything else he couldn't care about.

I wish I had a parenting crystal ball to see if leaving him be was the right approach. But I figure when he's older, and maybe has done a couple of years in a boring job that he hates, he might become motivated to better himself. Education doesn't have to stop at 18 years old.

Hi OP, your DS and my DS sound like two little peas in a pod. Mine was just diagnosed inattentive ADHD in the summer (via NHS) and we are starting titration tomorrow. Definitely something worth investigating. I too feel totally lost with what to do with DS so I have no advice to offer, just a bit of solidarity!

Eh? Throw the vape in the bin! Show him who the parent is.

thanks all, it is so difficult to get him even to come down for dinner. Would love to get him outside but as if hiding in bed. Multiple vapes thrown away, but manages to get them back from somewhere. Am trying to keep open communication, supporting him as from experience getting angry achieves nothing.
I agree that some kids just don’t fit into our current education system, just feels enormous for this 6 months.
he was part of the Covid kids missed most of year 5/6. I think had more impact than we realised

if a report said processing disorder email the school and ask what they have put in place at this time to support that. If you still have the copy, attach the document.

Contact the hoy 11 and ask for an after school revision timetable, if there is one, as he will be more likely to still be in school mode while at
school.

Find out all the local 6th firm providers open evenings. Most now have two or three a year.attend them with him and speak to staff while there.

You will not get an adhd diagnosis in time to do anything at this stage. Exams have to be usual way of working and evidenced as such.

How is he paying for the vapes?