Daughter wrote graffiti in school

Graffitidaughter · 2025-12-18T12:51:56+00:00

I am so ashamed of my daughter’s behaviour yesterday. we had a call from head of year. She and another girl wrote “ jimmy is a c**t” ( not actual name) they were caught and it was immediately removed. she has only been given a detention by the school. Am active one where she has to remove other graffiti. I’m shocked the sanction wasn’t at least in school seclusion. jimmy nor no other student saw it. i am so shocked she would do this. She hasn’t been in trouble for this sort of thing before. I can’t believe she would be so stupid as to do this….and I can’t understand she would be so mean towards this kid “jimmy” the fact no other kids saw it is a relief- but thy obviously intended for people to see it, or why write it in a public place? what on earth should I do? obviously there will be major sanctions at home including removal of phone and screens…but what the hell was she thinking? What should I do? I never knew this was my daughter. I’ve changed my name.

WalnutsAndFigs · 18/12/2025 13:27

I don't think you're going to like my opinion...

She did a thing at school and is being punished for it at school. That is appropriate. Why do you feel the need to punish her at home as well? Obviously you're surprised, angry and disappointed in her. You can let her know that. But isn't it more important to find out why she behaved out of character? That will be harder to do if you're punitive now.

Is Jimmy actually a cunt? Did he do something to her or a friend? Did he purposely or accidentally hurt or humiliate your DD or her friend? Obviously she shouldn't graffiti that, but in her teenage brain, did she have a justified reason?

Or is she trying to fit in somehow with her friends? Has she fallen in with a different crowd recently?

Or is she rebelling against a 'good girl' image? Trying to be cool?

Or is she lost and unhappy and acting out as a scream for help/attention?

Curiosity and empathy (if empathy is needed) on your part (alongside a strong message about not calling people awful names and not graffiting the school) will get you further than arbitrarily banning screens

surreygirly · 18/12/2025 13:36

WalnutsAndFigs · 18/12/2025 13:27

I don't think you're going to like my opinion...

She did a thing at school and is being punished for it at school. That is appropriate. Why do you feel the need to punish her at home as well? Obviously you're surprised, angry and disappointed in her. You can let her know that. But isn't it more important to find out why she behaved out of character? That will be harder to do if you're punitive now.

Is Jimmy actually a cunt? Did he do something to her or a friend? Did he purposely or accidentally hurt or humiliate your DD or her friend? Obviously she shouldn't graffiti that, but in her teenage brain, did she have a justified reason?

Or is she trying to fit in somehow with her friends? Has she fallen in with a different crowd recently?

Or is she rebelling against a 'good girl' image? Trying to be cool?

Or is she lost and unhappy and acting out as a scream for help/attention?

Curiosity and empathy (if empathy is needed) on your part (alongside a strong message about not calling people awful names and not graffiting the school) will get you further than arbitrarily banning screens

Agree
It really is not a big deal

Original poster

Graffitidaughter · 18/12/2025 13:40

Is it not a big deal? I’m really upset by her behaviour- would you be upset if your child read graffiti about themselves like that at school?
am I over reacting?

OP posts:

Seawolves · 18/12/2025 13:43

Why did she write it? Is there some kind of back story or was she just acting up with a mate?

WalnutsAndFigs · 18/12/2025 13:46

Please don't misunderstand my previous post. I do think it's a big deal. Your DD was rude and vandalised property. She can't go through life writing crude personal slurs over walls she doesn't own.

But school is doing the punishment. Your job, in my opinion, is to find out why she did it. Because you're describing this as not being normal behaviour for her. So why? Why now? Why Jimmy? And does she need practical or emotional help or advice?

GoldThumb · 18/12/2025 13:47

Graffitidaughter · 18/12/2025 13:40

Is it not a big deal? I’m really upset by her behaviour- would you be upset if your child read graffiti about themselves like that at school?
am I over reacting?

Maybe Jimmy is a cunt?

Find out what Jimmy’s done before you go mad.

If nothing, then you can worry about his feelings.

If something, worry about your DDs feelings first.

But you need to figure out why she did it, before instilling Jimmy and his feelings are more important than hers, surely?

Edited to add: The graffiti is a different issue. You can tell her that’s not on, while still trying to find out whether Jimmy really is a cunt or not

Toomanysofttoys · 18/12/2025 13:51

I would suggest finding out more about Jimmy, there could be more to this but you won't know until you ask. I wouldn't punish her at home as double whammy is kind of over doing it.
Not gonna lie but I found it quite funny but that's just me.

PInkyStarfish · 18/12/2025 13:51

You are overreacting. I would also be furious if my child had done this but the school have caught her and administered a punishment.

Further punishment at home is not needed but as the first poster suggests why not have a non confrontational chat about why she did it?

Oh and when I was at school we had wooden desks that absolutely had to be written all over!

Icantsaythis · 18/12/2025 13:56

I would be upset at

damaging property that isn’t hers that isn’t ok
misogynistic language
bullying others

the teachers at school have got better things to do than supervise detentions this close to the end of term so my child would of got a punishment at home in addition to the school sanction - absolutely

you don’t have to like everyone but you do have to treat people with courtesy and respect even when you disagree with them I would have been disappointed and made it clear and also listened to the reason why and any apology

NovemberMorn · 18/12/2025 13:59

WalnutsAndFigs · 18/12/2025 13:27

I don't think you're going to like my opinion...

She did a thing at school and is being punished for it at school. That is appropriate. Why do you feel the need to punish her at home as well? Obviously you're surprised, angry and disappointed in her. You can let her know that. But isn't it more important to find out why she behaved out of character? That will be harder to do if you're punitive now.

Is Jimmy actually a cunt? Did he do something to her or a friend? Did he purposely or accidentally hurt or humiliate your DD or her friend? Obviously she shouldn't graffiti that, but in her teenage brain, did she have a justified reason?

Or is she trying to fit in somehow with her friends? Has she fallen in with a different crowd recently?

Or is she rebelling against a 'good girl' image? Trying to be cool?

Or is she lost and unhappy and acting out as a scream for help/attention?

Curiosity and empathy (if empathy is needed) on your part (alongside a strong message about not calling people awful names and not graffiting the school) will get you further than arbitrarily banning screens

"Is Jimmy actually a cunt?"

That was going to be my response too.

cestlavielife · 18/12/2025 14:01

School have punished
You do not need to punish
But take her for a walk let her open up why she did it

NuffSaidSam · 18/12/2025 14:04

I'd also like to know if Jimmy is a cunt.

I agree with pp that you're overreacting here. She's been punished as school, as she deserves. I would talk to her at home and make my feelings of disappointment known, but I wouldn't be inflicting loads of further punishment.

Teens do stupid things. Their brains aren't developed properly yet. Being excessively strict doesn't stop them doing stupid things, it just makes them avoid telling you. You don't want this. You want her to know she can come to you with her stupid mistakes. One day her stupid mistake might be dangerous/life changing and you want her to call for help, not try and deal with it alone (they making it worse) because she's trying to avoid a stream of punishments.

Ponderingwindow · 18/12/2025 14:10

I often think school punishment is sufficient, but that is mostly when the punishments are for the somewhat arbitrary rules that really only exist at school.

graffiti and bullying are not arbitrary. I would absolutely punish at home.

EvangelicalAboutButteredToast · 18/12/2025 14:11

I’ve got to say I laughed, so I suppose it’s not a big deal to me either. I’d obviously tell my child off but I’d be more interested in why they did it.

sprigatito · 18/12/2025 14:14

Another one here who would be interested to find out more about Jimmy. If this is out of character for your daughter, then there must be a reason.

Personally I would not punish her at home. Scribbling on a wall isn’t the crime of the century, and the word “cunt” isn’t as shocking to teenagers as it is to some adults. I would talk to her rather than coming down hard.

PigeonsandSquirrels · 18/12/2025 14:15

Teenagers are idiots. She was being mean because it made her feel good for reasons adults probably aren’t privy to (teenage social secrets).

Give her a bollocking and a punishment.

gerispringer · 18/12/2025 14:19

I can’t believe people excusing this behaviour by saying “ maybe Jimmy is a cunt”. Whether he is or not she shouldn’t have done this surely? And why use this word anyway? Yes definitely show your disapproval and back the school. No wonder kids are badly behaved if parents are trying to wrap them in cotton wool and excusing bad behaviour.

MissyB1 · 18/12/2025 14:24

All of you asking “is Jimmy a cunt?” Imagine Jimmy is your kid, either male or female, would you want that written about your child? in a public place for all the school to see? Would you want random strangers on the internet insinuating that maybe your child is a cunt and might deserve it?

Hohumdedum · 18/12/2025 14:25

A person at my school did similar. Their punishment was also to have to clean other graffiti. Plus the humiliation - everyone knew what she'd done.

It did the trick - to my knowledge they never did it again and they actually ended up as head girl 6 years later.

BetternutSquish · 18/12/2025 14:31

I would subject her to a difficult conversation about why she did it, how it might make Jimmy feel had he seen it, her use of a misogynistic term, the impact of the time and energy on school staff dealing with her actions when it's a really busy time. Then, depending on how she engages I would decide on whether to punish further or not.

wheredidtheteago · 18/12/2025 14:36

Oh I did this once with my friends in the girlstoilets! The teacher burst in on us and caught us red-handed. We had detention the same day and was made to scrub the walls… it’s a good memory tbh.

IAxolotlQuestions · 18/12/2025 14:41

MissyB1 · 18/12/2025 14:24

All of you asking “is Jimmy a cunt?” Imagine Jimmy is your kid, either male or female, would you want that written about your child? in a public place for all the school to see? Would you want random strangers on the internet insinuating that maybe your child is a cunt and might deserve it?

If my kid was being a cunt to others, I’d tell them it sounded like they earned the moniker and should fix that if they want to be liked.

OP - perhaps try talking to her before you go off the deep end?

Pixiedust49 · 18/12/2025 15:01

gerispringer · 18/12/2025 14:19

I can’t believe people excusing this behaviour by saying “ maybe Jimmy is a cunt”. Whether he is or not she shouldn’t have done this surely? And why use this word anyway? Yes definitely show your disapproval and back the school. No wonder kids are badly behaved if parents are trying to wrap them in cotton wool and excusing bad behaviour.

Well yes exactly it’s totally irrelevant. The fact is she broke school rules and behaved badly. I would also support the school on this, it’s a partnership. Otherwise you’re sending a message to her that it doesn’t matter if you break the rules.

WalnutsAndFigs · 18/12/2025 15:02

gerispringer · 18/12/2025 14:19

I can’t believe people excusing this behaviour by saying “ maybe Jimmy is a cunt”. Whether he is or not she shouldn’t have done this surely? And why use this word anyway? Yes definitely show your disapproval and back the school. No wonder kids are badly behaved if parents are trying to wrap them in cotton wool and excusing bad behaviour.

There's two issues. The vandalism and the reason why

I'm not excusing the vandalism at all. That's being punished.

But what if Jimmy has done an awful/illegal thing to the OPs DD? What if she feels unable to talk about it? Why wouldn't a parent be curious when their child acts out of character. If something has gone wrong in the DDs life, the OP needs to find out

Misspellings · 18/12/2025 15:05

Every teen as done something stupid.

A few memories about my little
Year 8 at the time, didnt want to do pe.
Guess what he done to get out of it.
He pulled the fire alarm the whole school was evacuated.
I got a call from the school and all I could say was well its one way to get out of lessons.

He said it wasn't him but he was on cctv doing it.
He got excluded for 3 days.
I didnt overreacted didn't shout just told him, if you want to ruin your education carry on, im sure the job center will help, while all your mates are working.
He never did it again.

Year 9.
He smashed the vending machine £600 in damages ,not his fault this time also proven with cctv, full on fight at school.

Year 10 caught with a box of fags caught smoking.

Year 11 all most punched the teacher, teacher was fired 😳 .
As other students came forward on that topic.

Fast forward to today my son now owns and runs a barr in Thailand with his soon to be husband, and doing bloody good for himself.

Op my point is all teens do crappy things, and most learn from them.
She's getting punishment at school for it so no need to punish her at home ,just talk.