Daughter wrote graffiti in school

[Graffitidaughter]

I am so ashamed of my daughter’s behaviour yesterday.
we had a call from head of year. She and another girl wrote “ jimmy is a c**t” ( not actual name)
they were caught and it was immediately removed.
she has only been given a detention by the school. Am active one where she has to remove other graffiti. I’m shocked the sanction wasn’t at least in school seclusion.
jimmy nor no other student saw it.
i am so shocked she would do this. She hasn’t been in trouble for this sort of thing before. I can’t believe she would be so stupid as to do this….and I can’t understand she would be so mean towards this kid “jimmy”
the fact no other kids saw it is a relief- but thy obviously intended for people to see it, or why write it in a public place?
what on earth should I do?
obviously there will be major sanctions at home including removal of phone and screens…but what the hell was she thinking? What should I do? I never knew this was my daughter.
I’ve changed my name.

If I was Jimmy's parent, I would want to know what led up to it.

To me this is pretty minor. Back in the 80s/90s school furniture was absolutely covered in graffiti, and in the toilets too.

They punished her and she hopefully won't do it again. It's good they did so as you get the broken window effect when graffiti gets left up and goes unpunished. Hence the desks from the 80s being so defaced.

As for whether she thinks Jimmy is a cunt or not, I'd imagine it was just some minor spat. And he didn't see the graffiti so no harm done there.

🤣🤣 good for her. He probably is. Trust me there’s a couple of people id like to write that about. But im grown up. So I just say it in my head. You’re overreacting completely. I’d query why out of curiosity more than anything.

Someone wrote “Artificialhens saturated his underpants with penis lubricant” back in school days.

I did something similar when I was about 11. I was egged on by a friend and together we scratched something horrible about someone into the back of a freshly painted toilet cubicle door with a compass. I don't think either of us had any real reason for it, just got the idea to do something that we knew was really naughty. For the thrill of it I guess. Otherwise we were model pupils!

Of course do this, it is however important to emphasise to her it's unacceptable as a parent, not just the school's responsibility.

My son wrote a message, including the C word, in snow, outside the house of a lad he had fallen out with once. The boys dad, a serving copper, came round to my house to complain.
I made son go round with a bucket of hot water, defreeze the word, and get rid of it.

Embarrassing for him, he didn't do it again, but kids will be kids.

I think a grown up relative may work at the same place as me.
On the staff toilet someone has written ' is boss's name a cunt with a tally for yes or no.
Yes is winning by a mile.

It's not good or nice - but I do remember being a child and teenager and this seems within the frame of normal behaviour - haven't we all made stupid decisions?

I remember being absolutely mortified when I heard my 12 year old son had laughed at another kid in an unkind way - the teacher had pulled him up on it and emailed me about it.

BUt I think school can encourage poor decision making in kids!

As someone who had to read multiple shit about herself written and etched into o school tables

"Xx is a fat bitch"
"Xx is a fucking slag"
"Xx should die"

etc, on top of the verbal bullying as well....people might think "oh that's harmless". But to a child who's self esteem is already at rock bottom and being bullied to the point of self harming and being suicidal, it's not as harmless as you think.

My siblings later attended the amae school. I always wondered if they saw the things written about me and how that made them feel too?

I think there has to be a punishment at home too. I would, however be more interested in the why it happened and this would take priority over any punishments.

Urgh all these posts telling you not to further punish at home - no wonder children run wild at school now and have no respect. It doesn’t matter why she did it. She vandalised school property and was also vile to/about another pupil. Definitely requires a further punishment. After that, you can ask the whys but the point is, you can’t do that sort of thing.

All of you asking “is Jimmy a cunt?” Imagine Jimmy is your kid, either male or female, would you want that written about your child?

I would if I suspected they might be a cunt.

I can’t imagine why any parent would use that word to describe their child.

I’m amused at how shocked and po-faced some of these responses are.

Yes, she did something bad at school. No, there is no excuse. Yes, the school is right to punish her. Whether you want to punish her as well is entirely up to you and I don’t really know why you’d want advice on that, but I think you’re making quite a fuss about what you perceive to be the school’s lack of response and the school are being pretty proportionate.

While she has obviously misbehaved, it’s hardly a shocking offence for a teenager. I guarantee anyone who has a teenager that your kid - no matter how lovely and impeccably behaved they are in general - has definitely done something equally stupid/rude/vandalism-related at school and definitely uses language that you’d be horrified by. They just haven’t been caught.

It’s embarrassing to get a call from the school over something like this and of course you should be cross, but if this is the worst thing your child has done at secondary school, she’s certainly no outlier.

As an aside, I laughed at “Jimmy is a cunt”, so shoot me.

Do you take everything this seriously?

It was joke, MissyB1. I don’t even have a child.

Don't overdo the punishment, the school has dealt with it. It does not merit all the additional punishments at home as well. It was probably done impulsively, perhaps a stupid idea that two friends egged each other on to do without thinking about the possible effects. She has probably learned her lesson. Adolescence is a time for growing up, and that includes making mistakes and learning from them.

Can’t believe people are excusing this. Yes i would punish, its disgusting. Be glad others didn’t see.

I didn’t think it was a lighthearted thread, and what kind of a “joke” is that anyway🤷‍♀️

I have seen the C word bandied about so many times on the internet, it has lost its effect to shock now, though I still find it hard to write myself.😄
I think, like lots of words, it's a generational thing as to how people see it.

The daughter was wrong, and school dealt with it. If I was her mum I would like to know why she did it, what had Jimmy actually done?

If they were mates once, it's possible they have now made up and carrying on regardless, whilst others are still bothering about it all.

Well….is he?

It depends why she did it.
A proper reason behind it, I’d let just the school punishment stand and involve them if needed.
Just for the sake of it, or to be funny then there would be an extra punishment at home.