Teens still want to come everywhere with me

[CatsandRats]

I know I’m unusual here but does anyone’s teens want to come absolutely everywhere with them? Can’t even nip to the shops alone. I know it’s nice but it’s also quite suffocating. I know probably no one has this issue as everyone tells me there kids don’t want to be seen dead with them anymore so I should feel happy but it can also be quite tricky having to take them everywhere I go. (They do have some mild Sen but perfectly capable being left alone)

In that case you really, really need to take small but non-negotiable steps towards them being ok with this. Honestly I feel for you, if it was me I’d feel as if I was suffocating.

Mine wants to come everywhere with me but it’s probably because they know they’ll come home with whatever they want.

It's not about independence or neediness or any SEN for mine.

Both of mine have lived away from home for Uni and come back home due to finances. DD1 is saving to buy and DD2 is now doing Uni from home.

They just like spending time with me. DD2 loves going to the theatre and the cinema and on holiday with me. DD1 loves coffee shops and craft shops and museums and things like that. Or just pottering around doing jobs.

At some point they'll afford to move out and things will change.

No, they didn’t. They went to a South African boarding school when they were in Y9 for a term so could absolutely function without me. Fostering independence is good. Say no. You want some space!

Yes they can, they have phones and know what 999 is, some kids with additional needs absolutely do dangerous things, and can’t be left unsupervised. I was just explaining that they are sensible in that sense they can keep themselves safe but both are working significantly below age related expectations and won’t be off to uni in a couple of years.

That’s part of it as well they like to get things in the shop even though I offer to bring things home

OP, I think you may be better reposting this in Special Needs, I know that I, and perhaps others, have been a bit insensitive, not really knowing the extent of your children's SN.

It sounds tough and I wish you all the best.

You need to rebuild their confidence. Seriously.
Go out the front door, come back in. Go out make a phone call, come back in. Go to the end of the road, come back. Repeatedly until they stop paying attention.

And when they are out make sure it’s boring. Really boring.

Offer them the option of staying in with a pizza while you nip to see neighbour.
Those strategies together should sort it.

I don’t think so. We all mature at different speeds - there’s no ‘window’
I’m autistic and was forced into being independent at 18 when my parents moved to another country and it lead to a whole multitude of issues.

I say this kindly,but enjoy it while it lasts! So many teens absolutely hate going anywhere with their parents. I mean, we're such an embarrassment, aren't we? 😂

This. You've got to draw the line somewhere.

You are contradicting yourself. Youve said SEN but nothing that stops them being left alone but the eldest wont be leaving home for Uni. So are they emotionally mature enough to be left or not? Big difference between a dyslexic child and a autistic child who can't deal with change or regulate their emotions.

They won’t be going to uni? Not sure whats contradicting there, if they were dyslexic I wouldn’t mention them being Sen? I just meant it’s understandable to an extent why they are more anxious than a typical child of their age?

Thanks I will

Mine do too. Apparently me being a grumpy menopausal old bag hasn’t put them off!

I also have a daughter who is more clingy as a tween/teen than as a toddler!

I have to say I really work hard at encouraging her independence thought - I make her stay home when I pop out, I make her stay with her brother (they don't get on) 0 and I do small attempts to leave her frequently - ie, just to the corner shop!

I am really aware that I need to have a life - and that once she is say 14/15 Id really be hoping to be able to plan a weekend without worrying if she wants to come or not.

my daughter is autistic I should say, obviously much more common in Sen kids

I think you need to start training them, leaving them alone fort short periods or you may be dealing with this much later.

I love my kids and sometimes we do things together but they also go out alone or with friends or stay home alone. I wouldn’t like doing every single thing together nor will they. I don’t think is healthy. I think it is insecurity and anxiety. Everyone needs their own space.

Yes we have I use to leave them as explained it’s a recent thing where I took longer to come home than expected, now they don’t want to be left. They are still young teens so I will just go with it for now I think, not like they are in their 20s 🫣

And saying this gently. If you are not prepared to tackle the problem, don't whinge about it on forums. With all the technology these days for locations etc, I cant but feel you are setting the younger children up to fail at independence as they will be seeing and feeding off the anxiety of the eldest.

Rude! Was wondering if anyone’s kids were the same. Will ignore you now!

Do you even have autistic children? I will try a group for people with actual autistic children and get advice from people that actually have experience in this situation.

My dd does this. She’s just 16 and I know that in a couple of years, I’ll be extremely happy with my memories. My two older sons don’t go anywhere with me, but go together to most places, even on holiday.

One of mine still will if she’s here, she’s 24 and doesn’t live in the area but loves to hang out (her older dsis not so much ever, even at 14 wanted to be left at home. Enjoy it as before you know it they have lives of their own

Also I have an autistic son, reading more of your posts. He hates going anywhere, and requires management when he does go out. I can’t leave him alone at all as he isn’t able to manage alone. My only respite from that in the school holidays is taking the dogs out, which he hates…