13 y/o DS refusing school after being attacked and don't know what to do!

[Elise89]

My son was attacked by 4 boys while walking back to the train station after school the week before last. A member of the public witnessed the incident and called the police, who are currently investigating.

Since then, he's refused to go back to school and I just don't know what to do. I can't persuade him to go in, and I can't physically force him. There are no other local schools with available places for him to transfer and I'm getting so stressed worrying that I'll end up being fined or something due to his attendance, and I'll start getting into trouble at work as I can't come in to the office.

I feel terrible for my son and what he's been through but it's not practical for him to stay home forever and I need to find a solution. If anyone has any ideas please do let me know. Thank you.

as a teacher I find this completely unacceptable - it’s entirely putting the fo us on him rather than trying to help him get back to a normality.

speak to the safeguarding lead asap. They need a better plan. If you don’t get anywhere escalate immediately to the safeguarding governor. Your child shouldn’t be asked to hide because they’ve been assaulted

it won’t be easy if he can’t identify his attackers but is there reason to believe it might happen again, or is it ‘just’ fear?

do you think he really can’t identify them?

Awful what has happened and totally understandable he does not want to go back. I do need to say that the boys who attacked him may not even be from his school. They could be from another local school. Definitely change schools though I am not sure that is going to help. He likely won't want to go to school at all or be anywhere without you (again, understandable)

Is he being met at the station and returned there? This seems reasonable until the perpetrators are caught. Poor soul, I can’t imagine how frightening this is for him.

why does he need to get a train? Are there really no schools walking or bus distance? Can you drive him on the way to work?

Agree, the safeguarding lead should be heavily involved.

tbh he can stay home alone if he’s comfortable. You need to agree a way to keep him safe that is acceptable.

It's highly likely that something else will happen again. Although this is by far the worst incident, he has been hit on a few other occasions while in school. The school is terrible - my son says that there are physical fights every day and it's not just him who has been hurt. One of his friends friends was stamped on, resulting in suspected fractured ribs. I'm definitely going to move him, it's just working out how is best to do that. I've called other local schools and they've all said they're full and operating a waiting list. I'm hoping if I ask school/the council to do a managed move they might be able to assist me in finding a place.

I would not be pushing for him to go back there at all but yes obviously you need to sort your work situation.
As he is 13 would it be possible for him to stay at home on his own for a couple of hours everyday while you go in to work? I appreciate the whole day is possibly too long but if you could go in for 3hrs a day or something then you would atleast be seen to be trying to meet the in office target?
If you’re accepting he isn’t going in until a place at a different school can be found then you don’t need to be at home trying to get him in.

If he can’t attend check out IPSEAs advice, template letter 22b might be appropriate.

https://www.ipsea.org.uk/faqs/what-support-should-the-la-give-me-if-my-child-is-out-of-school-for-any-other-reason

https://www.ipsea.org.uk/asking-the-local-authority-to-arrange-alternative-education-model-letter-22

Yeh focus on alternative provision to be provided by lea.
Use the ipsea letter as suggested.

Camhs support for ptsd.

Identify suitable school.
Appeal for place.
No need to rush.

Does he do any out of school activity?

(Dd for medical reasons attended a small group provision for 2 terms then local hospital school as day provision x 2 terms before a place on appeal at the school we identified for her)

School have been very unhelpful again today. I've been told that my son's absences will no longer be authorised as he is physically healthy, and schools no longer do managed moves! I've sent a cross email back as I don't think that's true about the managed moves, plus mental health absence should be just as valid as physical.

Yes absolutely he is mentally not well enough which is just as valid as being physically not well enough! You could see your GP to get support in the fact he isn’t well enough mentally?

This may be more bother than you want but at this point I would be asking to speak to the police to establish if they have the CCTV that can identify the attackers and if they were wearing uniforms. It would be a reasonable expectation to help you identify if his attackers would have access to him at the school. If they have done nothing then escalate, if they can identify school uniforms then immediately notify the school that it was pupils.

I would also raise it with OfSted, there is complains procedure to complain about a school. It doesn’t trigger an inspection but the inadequate response may accelerate the next one or have this as an area for the next inspection to look at. I would also flag to the council even if it is an academy if your son refuses to attend it will fall to them to organise the “school refuser” support. Also the council saying that the school management is in adequate may also get more interest than a parent.

Ask the police about victim support.

Reward chart?! FFS! Since when was a reward chart likely to get someone likely suffering PTSD back to school. Bloody idiots.

yes engage with school and tell them the reward chart is a shit idea but you are trying to get your son re-engaged.

definitely get in touch with council.

in Terms of other schools all our local schools are full but they manage to find room for kids being sent in behaviour placements at risk of expulsion so why can they accommodate your son to keep him in school when he’s at risk of persistent absenteeism for something that’s not his fault.

is he engaging with school work whilst off? Are they sending work home? Is there someone who can have him in the day if you don’t want to leave him? Like a relative or grandparent?

Of course his mh is at risk.
Call LEA ask to speak to the named officer for children missing school due to ill health.
Has he seen GP and been referred to CAMHS for mh support?

That's not ok, mental health should be treated equally.

Have you had chance to speak to the GP? They can sign your son off.

I think, unfortunately, you may need to make a formal complaint. Read the complaints policy before taking any action.

Also speak to the local authority about moves and make them aware of the lack of school support.

Plus you could ask your MP to help - in my area some years ago there was a similar incident and both councillors and the MP helped the parents.

Is your mum local enough to supervise him for you so you can do your office days?

If you got the GP to sign him off on MH grounds you would have nearly four weeks before term restarts which might allow him to recover a bit.

Has he been to the GP’s since the attack? And is he under any counselling. He may have PTSD. I would make sure all this is documented by the GP so you have medical records if for any insane reason they try and fine you.

It’s not surprising he doesn’t want to go onto school if his attackers could be there. I would get him some counselling ASAP. I would also be contacting the school and putting it on them that he is not safe to be in the environment and it is up to them to make him feel safe.

This is not your or your son’s fault. Imagine being told you had to go back to an office where four of the people that worked there had potentially violently attacked you but you weren’t sure who.

I would be changing schools immediately, and reporting the current one to Oftsed. Those suggestions from the headmaster are fucking appalling. And I would NOT be sending him back.

I would (and have in the past for my child) email the following. I have edited it for your DS's situation:

"The Working Together to Improve School Attendance document found at assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/1099677/Working_together_to_improve_school_attendance.pdf states on page 58:

"219. Schools should advise parents to notify them on the first day the child is unable to attend due to illness. Schools must record absences as authorised where pupils cannot attend due to illness (both physical and mental health related).

220. In the majority of cases a parent’s notification that their child is ill can be accepted without question or concern. Schools should not routinely request that parents provide medical evidence to support illness. Schools are advised not to request medical evidence unnecessarily as it places additional pressure on health professionals, their staff and their appointments system particularly if the illness is one that does not require treatment by a health professional. Only where the school has a genuine and reasonable doubt about the authenticity of the illness should medical evidence be requested to support the absence."

Can you clarify if the school has a "genuine and reasonable doubt about the authenticity" of DS's mental health difficulties following his assault?

Whilst I am willing to talk to the GP surgery about DS, the above document demonstrates that DS's absence due to mental health following his assault should be authorised, unless there is a concern about the authenticity of DS's mental health difficulties that I have not been informed of."

Hello, I just wanted to come back and say thank you to everyone who have me advice and support. My son has been offered a place at another school and he will be starting in January. He's been on a tour and feels much more comfortable there. He did not return to his previous school and will continue receiving support from GP, family etc before he starts in January.

I am so happy for you both. Merry Christmas !

That must be such a relief, @Elise89.

Very glad you’ve been able to reach such a resolution.

(Though I’m sad for the pupils at the first school who are clearly suffering under very poor leadership.)

Great news, but do consider if victim support can speed up any access to counselling he may need.

So pleased to read this update!