When do you stop paying for things for your older teen?

[Xmastime37522]

I've just been reading some similar threads on this , and most comments say give between £100 to £200 cash per month, in addition to this pay transport , car, lessons, phone, clothes ,everything really and the cash is just spending money.
For me personally this is completely out of my reach and I was wondering what families with a lower income do?
Currently my son is year 11, not doing well academy and will be lucky to scrape a pass at gcse. There is no way he will go to university, and even college I think will.be difficult for him. We will try to get him on am apprenticeship or working . So he will have his own income of around 15k from age 16+ if successful at getting an apprenticeship.

If that were to happen, would it be ok for me to reduce what I pay for him? I currently pay for everything obviously and give him £40 cash a month. I can't afford any more than this. I work in a school and after the 10 months pay is split over 12 months I earn £1100 a month. On his apprenticeship he will be earning more than me.
We have another preteen aswell. She doesnt have any cash etc yet as no need but will do soon so that will double my Outgoings.

I know it would be best to get him to save out of his wage although I doubt he would, he would blow through it all, but he will be earning more than me. Would I be unreasonable to either ask him to buy his own clothes, phone, transport and we house him and feed him?
I dont want to be harsh but I cannot afford at any point to give him the kind of money talked about in other threads. Im spread so thinly as it is , I really need some of that cash for myself going forward. Especially 18+ as child benefit will stop aswell

My mum asked for board out of my first apprenticeship wage! Surely the other comments are for parent whose children are not earning themselves.

Don't compare to others. Money is not the only measure of parental support. There are parents who give a huge amount of money to their kids, but little emotional support. There are parents who are the other way round.

If your child gets £15k from their apprenticeship, they need no pocket money. They still need your parental support and a home.

I think giving them that amount of money is ridiculous! How does it teach them how to go out into the real world or any life skills? For our 15 yr old we obvs pay for everything like clothes, shoes, activities, as he can’t yet earn. He has £20 a month on top of this for other stuff. However, our 17 yr old has a weekend job and earns a decent amount, so with him we pay for the basics and then anything else on top of that he pays for himself. I think once they get a weekend job they can start to manage their own money- it’s good for them. My son said it makes him feel proud to be able to pay for things himself.

If he earns 15K per year you don't need to give him anything. In fact, if you need some money towards the running of the house, such as for food and energy used, I think that's ok. Otherwise, I would only support a child still in education and I would encourage them to get a part time job to fund expensive clothes/trainers etc. I'll fund a phone for my son, but only a sim only £10 per month - he'd like a new phone but he chose not to work this year after having a part time retail job last year so he knows he cannot have one. He's still in sixth form.

He ‘chose not to work’ in the most important and hardest year of his education. I think you’re giving him an overly hard time - DD’s school actively discouraged working in the final year of A levels and I must say that I agree with them. Grades and studying to get into a good university course need to be the priority.

Once he is working and earning, why would you be paying for him, especially if he will be earning more than you?
If you charge him, say £250 pm for board ( and you would still be subbing him at that level of contribution) he would still have approx £1000 to spend as he sees fit. That is loads of disposable income. He won't need top-ups from you.

I’d be really open with him about the limit of what you can afford, and I’d actually suggest to him that if he can save a bit each month you’ll use the money you do have available to help him to top that up so that he can build savings faster. He’ll still have plenty of disposable income but won’t feel like you’re suddenly leaving him to fend for himself.

I don't think your plan sounds harsh if he earns getting onto an apprenticeship.

For us, it's varied a lot by child and which kind of payment.

So far, I've had two go to college, one get an apprenticeship post-16. The older who went to college had a a gap year where he worked part-time and then got onto a cadetship, which is similar to an apprenticeship. The other college one is still there on a programme that requires 150 hours work experience in the first year, so no working for pay.

For all of them we still pay for the phone plan because we're on a family plan, though we're currently considering changing this. It's very basic. My Cadetship child's phone was a birthday present a few years ago when he was at college.

The ones in college: I paid for their bus pass, I paid for their required equipment (steel-toe cap boots, one needed coveralls and the other needed a polo and long coat for practicals), ~£10 weekly pocket money + if they did things like pick up things from the shop on the way home I'd put a bit extra on for them or if they did extra around the house, I'd pay them as I did before (all my kids got a bank account with card at 13 to do things like this easier).

The Apprentice child and the then Adult Child on gap-year working part time did not get pocket money and I stopped paying transport. They paid £200 rent and they paid 1 bill that had their name on it to build up their payment history and give them that as potential address ID (Adult child paid broadband, Apprentice paid water). Adult child also took over a couple of subscriptions that had been basically a year round birthday present for the previous few years. We also we set up £200 to automatically go monthly into savings because at the time there was a regular savers going on where that was the best way to max that, I'd vary this part based on what regular saving deals were available.

When Adult Child went on to be Cadetship child, he stopped paying rent and the broadband since he's here a few weeks at most at a time and can use other things as ID. He's on a monthly bursary and still pays for his transport and other things, though his transport to and from home to campus or ships is paid for or reimbursed by his employer.

I rarely buy clothes for the kids not growing out of them, none of my kids are really into them, but I either give them a budget for it or I'd tell them I'm having a charity shop day, they can come and I'll budget along the way. Cadetship and Apprenticeship child buy their own most of the time, I may pick something up as a gift particularly if they mention being on the look out for things like a new coat.

Please be aware that child benefit will stop in the September as he won't be in full time education. Funding dc stops as soon they can independently fund themselves with wages.

There's no right or wrong answer here OP - you need to work out what is right for you and your DS. If he's earning £15k a year then of course that's a different situation to a child in full time education.

I pay for everything for DS17 (car insurance, gym membership, mobile phone, Xbox live, clothes, toiletries, haircuts etc). He has a Saturday job and will sometimes pay for his hair cut and does put fuel in the car if he’s using it for “social” activities.

I don’t give him cash though, he pays for all his social activities himself from his weekend job.

He knows that when he gets a full time job that all of that stuff he will need to pay for himself though.

Agree if he is earning you do not need to give him anything.

allowance or similar is for teens who are not earning.

Once they start working full time for sure. I occasionally treat mine near the end of the month when they are broke but they are buying all their own lunches, food etc.

Whilst they’re in education and even in their first job if they still need help.

DS is doing an apprenticeship and paying nearly £800 a month to live near it, he also pays for his transport and lunches at work. We pay for bits of food, toiletries and cheap phone.
If he wants to get an apprenticeship and can't rely on academics to get it then I'd be encouraging him to get any relevant practical experience he can if possible (difficult at his age I know). I don't know how competitive apprenticeships are at 16 but anything that shows his interest and a little bit of experience may well be helpful.

Don't forget once he's 18 if you are single (unclear from post) you'll lose the single person council tax discount.

45 years ago it was normal to pay 1/4 to 1/3 of take home. I and my older brothers never got any handed back but my younger siblings were handed a lump sum (to help move out), saved from their 'keep'.
Now we get ours to pay all their costs themselves (car, phone, hobbies etc) and pay a nominal keep if at home which is around 1/4 of their take home.

If he’s earning you don’t give him anything.
If he’s earning and not in any education, he pays you board.

When I left school and worked I had to pay mum £10 pw.
My kids have all done college, so I paid phone so they could always contact me, and driving lessons to get them independent. Toiletries were basic in the weekly shop and clothes bought for birthday/xmas.
As soon as they worked they paid board.

When my child leaves education and enters the workforce. For mine that will be after university. For yours, it sounds like that time is about to happen.

once they are earning what they will actually make given their education path, I don’t think we do them any favors by not expecting them to live within their means. They need to feel what it is like to live on that budget right from the beginning, not think it brings loads of disposable income. If they don’t like what it feels like, they can make adjustments when they are young, but it gets harder as time passes.

you can still help by allowing them to live at home and only charging a rent that is commensurate with earnings. That way they aren’t so broke that they can’t afford to live and can actually save for the future.

Don’t forget too you’ll lose your child benefit when he starts an apprenticeship as he’s seen as working. Take that into consideration.

Ds is 17 and once he started working we just said now is the interesting part- try to save anything and put it into an account, just a few quid builds up but remember you’re going to be paying for your phone and going out so you’ll really have to get that money into the account quickly. So it was a chat rather than a thing.

He could look for work now, a Saturday job and this would help him when looking for work or apprenticeship next year. We paid for most things when in education but both dc worked from age 15 so we would pay for basics and they then bought extras. We did support with driving lessons as it was important that they could drive where we live.

He could look for work now, a Saturday job and this would help him when looking for work or apprenticeship next year. We paid for most things when in education but both dc worked from age 15 so we would pay for basics and they then bought extras. We did support with driving lessons as it was important that they could drive where we live.

Mine are 18 and 19 and both earning. One is fairly well paid and pays us £100 a week.
The other is an apprentice on minimum wage. He pays us £50 a week.

We buy all food and toiletries for the house. We also pay car insurance for ds2 who nees the car to get to his apprenticeship.

We pay phone costs for both of them and I'm just thinking that we're still paying a gym membership for ds1 which he should be paying by himself now! We've been paying that since he was 14 and it's just run on.

Really they should be paying for their phones too but they're both on cheap sim only deals. If they want to upgrade their phones they can pay themselves.

They buy their own clothes, pay for lunch when they're at work, pay for their own social lives and holidays.

Mine were all expected to get jobs.