When do you stop paying for things for your older teen?

[Xmastime37522]

I've just been reading some similar threads on this , and most comments say give between £100 to £200 cash per month, in addition to this pay transport , car, lessons, phone, clothes ,everything really and the cash is just spending money.
For me personally this is completely out of my reach and I was wondering what families with a lower income do?
Currently my son is year 11, not doing well academy and will be lucky to scrape a pass at gcse. There is no way he will go to university, and even college I think will.be difficult for him. We will try to get him on am apprenticeship or working . So he will have his own income of around 15k from age 16+ if successful at getting an apprenticeship.

If that were to happen, would it be ok for me to reduce what I pay for him? I currently pay for everything obviously and give him £40 cash a month. I can't afford any more than this. I work in a school and after the 10 months pay is split over 12 months I earn £1100 a month. On his apprenticeship he will be earning more than me.
We have another preteen aswell. She doesnt have any cash etc yet as no need but will do soon so that will double my Outgoings.

I know it would be best to get him to save out of his wage although I doubt he would, he would blow through it all, but he will be earning more than me. Would I be unreasonable to either ask him to buy his own clothes, phone, transport and we house him and feed him?
I dont want to be harsh but I cannot afford at any point to give him the kind of money talked about in other threads. Im spread so thinly as it is , I really need some of that cash for myself going forward. Especially 18+ as child benefit will stop aswell

We’re a relatively high income family so money isn’t not really an issue. My eldest son left school at 16 to go to college full time. He worked a pot wash job evenings and weekends. We paid for his bus fares, lunch etc whilst he was at college and working this job. He saved 50% of his earnings towards his driving lessons and the rest was fun money. When he turned 17 he got an apprenticeship so gave up the pot wash job. He pays for his own driving lessons, saves half of his wage and the rest is his fun money to spend on clothes, going out etc. I don’t believe in making life too easy for them. Whatever your income they need to learn if they want things in life they have to be earned. The only thing we still pay for is his phone. Once the contract is up he will take it over and pay himself. He’s saving a lot of money towards his car and his future and we feel proud of his achievements and how he’s strived to get to where he is. He was never academic at school and it was a struggle at times. I have friends who’s 17/18 year olds who don’t have a part time jobs or have no intention of getting one as mum and dad continue to just give them what they want when they want it. Not a great life lesson in my opinion

My first full-time job was at 16, I earned £50 a week and gave my mum £10 a week! It's good to teach your children to pay their way as soon as they're earning.

I didn't say I thought he should work, just that if he wants lots of expensive things he would have to as I can't afford them. I can't afford to get him a new phone (he'd want the latest iphone with lots of data) so that is something that can only come with a part time job.
I'm perfectly happy to fund reasonably priced clothes and toiletries etc.

I had a weekend job at 15 and my parents stopped paying for me. I lived rent free, food provided and they gave me lifts when they could - but I funded my own phone bill/ bus fare/ social life. I think if your son is working then that’s fair! When I turned 17 they paid for one driving lesson a month (they were £25 back then) but I paid the rest. Didn’t get my own car until I was 25 and earning a better wage. I honestly don’t know how parents are man aging to give teens hundreds a month!

I've met the teens who have got amazing grades and onto competitive uni courses but have never had a job. It's not something I want for mine.

I have worked with medical students who got top grades but can't talk to people and who don't tidy up after themselves.

I pay for basics for mine but I will not finance things like fancy iphones, meals out and driving lessons if they are not working and chipping in. The best thing my parents did for me was facilitate me to work for things and to understand the cost of living.

Having a part time job gives vital real life experiences and doesnt have to be onerous. Even the most studious person can take a couple of hours out to earn their own money.

Just so you know, child benefit will stop if they get an apprenticeship. You have to inform HMRC

Charging your 16 Yr old child 250pm board is disgraceful honeslty.

The minute mine are working full time they pay their own expenses like car, phone and clothing. Toiletries and food is part of household spend. If you can’t afford to have a car you can’t have a car. My job is not to enable my DC to have way more expendable income than I do.

If gets an apprentice and he's earning 1k+ a month, then he should be able to pay everything himself. You could help him out by taking an amount each month and putting it in savings for him for when he's ready to move out. Itd be a shame for him to sepnd all that each month! That'll help him learn the value of money and get him ready for paying rent etc without you actually taking money from your son.

At that age I was earning 15k and I sent my mum £100 to save and I also saved 500 a month myself, whilst paying for everything else I needed like phone and driving lessons.

Can 16year olds with no qualifications really get apprenticeships on £15k?! What kind of apprenticeship offers that much?
because another way of getting around this op, if you only earn £1,100 a month and it doesn’t sound like you have childcare responsibilities any more, is switch jobs yourself if it’s easy to get £15k.

Only do what you can afford, if he is working then he can buy his own stuff and as you said he blows through money he might learn some useful budgeting skills

OP im in the same boat as you financially (same job!)

My DS is in first year of college, he currently gets £40 a week(school week not for half term) EMA because I’m on a low income. I pay for his months bus pass, ps plus, buy basic clothes & toiletries & I give him £20 a month pocket money.

Thats generally plenty for him, he tends to make lunch at home to take with him to college. If he’s got a day out with friends or something he really wants to buy he saves the EMA/pocket money.

When DS was still in year 11 he only had the £20 a month & that was enough, occasionally would give an extra £20 on a good month or if he had a day out that would cost more than £20

No, when he earns you charge him a small amount for keep. That’s going to be way more money than he’s ever had AND you immediately start teaching him how to be responsible with it and pay back.

At uni I lived at home doing a full time law degree and working 20 hours per week. I was charged £200 per month. I moaned but in hindsight it’s really taught me about money. My parents are brilliant and I will do the same cone that time.

If he does not get English and Maths quals at least at a grade 4 he will struggle to get an apprenticeship generally. As other say you also loose child benefit and any UC you may get for him, if he is not in full time education.

Tesco have a ‘stronger starts apprenticeship’ it’s open nationwide and they are recruiting now for a September start. No quals needed and pays £12.64 an hour. You can pick between 21,28 or 36 hours a week and it offers additional support from the kings trust. It’s a great option for young people just wanting to get a leg up to work.

We stopped giving DSS money when he was 14 and had a job pot washing. Obviously we fed him and bought clothes but he had his own money for whatever he wanted to buy/do.

He got an apprenticeship when he was 17 (he was 16 when we were in lockdown) and has funded himself ever since. He also paid us rent. He’s now a fully qualified plumber and lives in a flat with his friend.

We still lend him money if he needs it (not sure where his all goes 🤣) and he always pays it back.

If he’d been academic and done the HE route, we’d have helped him financially more but he’d have been expected to get a part time job.

If not in education they pay their own way. My daughter has chosen education so we are still paying. She’s promised to sub me a granny flat once she’s earning though 🤣🤣

While still in education we give an allowance, pay for phone, gym, travel card, haircuts, buy clothes etc and paid for block of 10 driving lessons for birthday.

Once working full time they take it all on themselves! We have helped them work out a budget based on their income and outgoings including them budgeting for clothes, train, hair, phone, gym, car insurance, petrol and car maintenance, holidays, Xmas/bday presents for family, golf/nights out with friends etc and giving us “rent” each month which we will be saving to give them back as a deposit in the future (they don’t know this!).

Helping them with this budget has helped them realise that although they won’t necessarily need to buy new clothes every month they will need to at various points in the year and they will have the money there saved for this. It also gives them an idea of how much things cost and that their wages won’t go far in reality. The oldest is sensible already saving separately in his isa and premium bonds for new car and future house.

If you carry on paying everything and they just waste all their money every month, they will never learn to live independently and never move out! Obviously it does depend how much they earn, but as you say he’ll be earning more than you so he can’t expect you to continue paying for everything like you would a child if he is going to work as an adult time to act like one.