Child services - 17 year old DS

[purplerainbows88]

Hi everyone
I would really appreciate some urgent advice from anyone that has experience or can help.
my DS is 17. He left school after GCSEs having failed them all and after much effort to help him find a way forward he started an apprenticeship a few months ago. He has severe ADHD and we believe his school life has caused him a lot of deep rooted trauma. He drinks and smokes weed non stop - it’s a daily thing (the weed) and has previously been arrested and cautioned for possession with intent to supply. We have found knives in his room which we take and never return. He then blames us for causing him “problems”. It’s an uphill battle to keep him safe and on the straight and narrow. We have other kids at home.

he’s been saying for awhile he wants to leave home. But last couple of weeks this has eacalated. He knows unequivocally we love and support him and want him to at home. I’ve offered for him to stay with my parents who would welcome him. He gets on with them but not my siblings who still live at home and who he says are judgemental.

hes now decided to go to the council and ask to be housed. He left this afternoon. He’s asked us to tell the council that we don’t want him living at home. I told him we won’t say that! He’s sent me threatening messages saying not to fuck him and tell the council about the drugs and knives

I am feeling sick and frightened for him. What is the deal with child services. What should I say if they call. How do I handle this? I want him home and safe and to get counselling. I don’t know what I am dealing with and don’t know what to do for the best.

Gosh I don’t want to believe this and I think it’s not quite like that but I couldn’t guarantee it. I am sick with worry most of the time.

This.

I would be wary of letting him move out permanently as living with you offers him some protection from being controlled.

I would also speak to your local council and see if they have a anti county lines team. Many do and are good at disruption.

This thread is the first I have heard of county lines and so have been looking into it. I can’t discount it. He’s told me the main reason he needs to move out is that he knows too many people in the area that he needs to move away from and he can’t afford to have them know where he lives. He always rushes inside and slams the door fast. He won’t be seen in the car with us and always sits low down in the back. He won’t walk on the high street anymore. He has seemed unhappy for months even though he was thrille to get his apprenticeship iffer and loves his job. For awhile he asked if we’d consider moving out of the area. He had some drug debt which he told us about and we paid it off for him. We don’t know who the money went to but he said that though he has no debt now there are still people after him. I know how this sounds writing it down but I just don’t know what to do or how to realistically protect him. He is so unbelievably headstrong. This thread has really made me think. DH is so relaxed about it all he never seems to worry.

Unless your area is so lacking in housing that they routinely house people out of the area, then he won't be able to move areas until he's able to do a swap with someone, after he's been in a permanent place for a while. He's going to be in temporary accommodation for a while (maybe years) before he gets a permanent place, so going to the council isn't the solution for moving area that he thinks it is. No other area has a duty to house him, only the one he lives in and TBH the only way they'll have a duty to house him is if he's homeless. If you don't officially kick him out then he's currently safely housed and they won't help him, although he can apply to go on the housing list anyway, but for safely housed people the wait is likely to be decades.

Is he trying to escape a county lines gang or something? He might get help to be moved out of area for that perhaps (if he's also homeless), but he'd have to go to the police about it.

His best bet is to move in with grandparents, suck it up about not liking his aunts and uncles, and change his ways so he doesn't alienate his grandparents (who otherwise will probably decide quite quickly that they don't adore him so much as they thought they did and can't house him after all).

Of course people will be judgemental all the time he's acting like an arsehole. Decent people don't want to hang around with people who use and deal drugs, carry knives and speak to others like they're a POS. If he wants to hang out with nice people and them not judge him, he needs to become one and stop going down this path he's on. He's got a job which is a good start. If he moves out of area I'm guessing the job will be gone too and since he didn't get his last job himself, how's he planning to fix that?

For awhile he asked if we’d consider moving out of the area.

If it's an option, that is probably realistically his only safe and sensible way of moving out of area. I'd be wanting commitment from him though to turn his life around, if you're going to completely uproot everyone to give him this chance. Including trying meds for 6mths without spitting them out or whatever, if you think meds are necessary, giving up drugs completely and no more dealing. If he won't commit then he's really not dedicated to changing his life and will just end up in the same situation in a different place. Then you'll have uprooted your entire family for nothing. If you know nothing about county lines there's a YouTube thing about it, called I think Andy's Story or something similar. Maybe show your husband and wake him up a bit.

You've misunderstood that poster. It's not social services, it's the council you say "you don't want him there" to. It's how people who aren't homeless get themselves registered as homeless which then means they're eligible for emergency accommodation and are a priority banding for a permanent home provided by the council.

I don't know what a permanent place would look like at 17, possibly an HMO since his eligibility under 35 is shared accommodation. With his ADHD and other issues though it could be argued he needs his own space eg a flat to himself. Depends what he's willing to declare as well, if he's going to go around telling them everything is fine that won't help him.

Private rent is expensive and he's got no references, it's also insecure and LL could sell up at any time. Council housing is secure tenancies. If the council can't provide someone with a permanent council or HA flat, they help them find private rentals that will accept undesirable tenants eg people without references and claiming UC.

Look on "entitled to" website to see if he should be claiming UC with his wages. If it asks for the LHA there's a website where you can find out what that amount is for your area.

I found the county lines thing it's Alfie's Story Parts 1, 2, 3. There's probably more on YT about it if you search.