Steps son had a baby feel for my husband.

[Kmc2303]

So little bit of back story, been with husband 15 years i have a 20 year old he has a 16 year old we have 2 together, life has been tough with hubby's son, hes troubled. But, hubby has done everything to support him funds, picking up from police stations blah blah so hes 16 and recently had a child, hubby met her for the first a few weeks ago his son wasnt there but girlfriend was she was lovely. Offering more pictures asking us to turn up anytime. Then ss messaged to say he was busy for the next few weeks so couldn't see baby or him fine he messaged us on monday needed baby milk. Messaged us yesterday needed food. How can I support my husband with this, I can see hes broken he wants to an active part in his grand daughters life but we're only contacted when he wants something this has always been the case, whilst ss is a parent now himself im upset history is repeating itself for my husband. Any ideas?

Don't send money because it sounds like you can't trust him to spend it on the baby. At 16 hopefully social services are aware. Refer them to food banks, Healthy Start etc.
https://www.healthystart.nhs.uk/ Are there any groups for young dads he could go to?

Communicate with the mum directly - build a bond as grandparents (free babysitting and unofficial mentoring) separately from the DS. Prepare for a future where he will be an absent/useless father.

I would be ignoring his requests ans taking round whatever the mother of your grandchildren needs in person.

i say this 16 old kid is raised spoiled, as a person being involved in police stations when younger means that he wasn't raised right, he is a spoiled kid that you as his parents made him be that way by giving him everything he wants.

my advice to you, tell him this is the last time we paying you anything, and if you can't raise a child then bring her to us we will raise her up.

or else let him go through life and whatever you are trying to avoid is not really working because he is so spoiled that he thinks if i fail they will support me.

Deal with the mother directly. Take her up on offers to visit etc and ask her directly what she needs/offer to take her shopping when you visit.

I would go through mum directly, how old is she?

Your SS is a child. He's 16 FGS. Most 16-year-olds are still living at home with their DPs and don't have to worry about paying bills. The fact that he can't seem to manage money and is always asking for handouts is not surprising - my kids would be the same if they were suddenly thrust into the adult world with adult responsibilities when they're still DC. If you don't want to help or support him, I'd at least make sure that his DC and his family unit is properly provided for and point him/them in the direction of support. He sounds like a troubled and troublesome individual, so what made him that way? Where is his DM in all this? Were she and your DP good parents to this boy? If you feel upset that the only time you hear from him is when he wants money, that's understandable, but there are things you can do to support him without just being his piggy bank.

A large part of how children, (the 16yo), are, is a direct result of how they were raised by their parents. Your husband is his parent and he has clearly not parented well. Left him when he was a baby, he’s been in prison and is now a 16yo father. Your husband isn’t blameless here. These are the consequences if you don’t parent.

Yes don't give him anything. Speak to the baby's mum and see if she needs anything. Make sure any money goes directly to her.

Kids (especially boys) whose Dads are already with someone else by the time they’re toddling often are troubled unfortunately. This is what was modelled as Fatherhood to SS so it’s no huge surprise he’s absent now he has his own DC is it?

In terms of supporting the baby I’d deal directly with the Mum for everything. In terms of supporting SS I hope the ship hasn’t totally sailed for him and he transform himself in a decent parent.

Well said.

Why did his father jump into a new relationship and create more people when this boy was a vulnerable infant?

If he’s already been in trouble with the law, that is a massive parenting failure.

You feel sorry for your husband? Why?
He clearly let his sixteen year old son down and this is the result of his shit parenting skills. Hopefully history doesnt repeat itself and your step son becomes a better dad than his own dad.

Girlfriend is lovely so forge a friendship with her.
You will always need to get on with her now that she is the mother of your grand daughter.
Support her, visit her and let her lead the way.

Compliment SS with his parenting. Make sure your DH goes often to hang out with his son and not always with your younger children. Being there regularly is important.

Your DH might need to find time to speak about contraception and other adult things in a comfortable way.

The aim is for the young family to survive and prosper.

Where are they living what age is the mum who looks after her This is children having children his son is 16 out of control and you feel sorry for your husband! If the mum is struggling she is out of her depth and needs support,

I’d call girlfriend and say that you’d like to help by buying nappies, formula etc each week.

Ask her if there is a set day when you could pop across for half an hour each week to see baby. Take nappies, wipes and formula each time, and text her each time to ask if she needs anything else.

On those visits gradually build a bond with grandchild. Let her know that there is no hurry and no pressure but that you’d love to be asked to babysit when she is ready.

Seperateky, I think that your husband should offer to do some family therapy with his son. And make an effort to encourage him to stand up for his child.

Yes this. The mum will/should know about healthy start.

I'm of the opinion that if he does something that is effectively an adult thing like fathering a child then he should be adult enough to take the consequences like raising it. Offer practical support (eg like seeing what benefits and housing they are entitled to), but don't offer money except for birthdays and Christmas, and don't become the default parents.
Where is your step son's own mother in all this?

Prison? Where does it say that, or is it a figment of your imagination?

Won't they be getting milk tokens for formula? Is that still a thing?
Assuming they get benefits.
Its all very well blaming the parents but at 16 they know very well that unprotected sex produces babies. Many teenage parents step up and do a great job.
He needs to do the same.

OP says hes been in trouble with the rozzers

It is healthy start scheme they.get a card (I think ) now so can be used wherever sells milk/formula. I remember MIlk tokens i had to go to a particular pharmacy or the baby clinic to use them.

But that doesn't mean he's been in prison!

I would say you need to be building a relationship with the baby's mum, especially if the relationship breaks down, then you will have a bond with them both.
Are they getting support from her family?

Hmm so he has a 16 year old son you have been together 15 years? Seems like he left DSD and his mother in the lurch. I think you should look closer to home before pointing fingers on how he has turned out?

I wouldn’t dream of starting a relationship with someone who had a young baby.

Where does SS live? Where does his girlfriend and the child live?

There are some insane answers here! Ignore your own 16 year old child and let them use a food bank for their new baby?? what the actual f....

Your hsband needs to work very hard on building a connection, visiting in person and making absolutely sure his grand baby has everything she needs.

Ignore the Dss from now on. Deal directly with the mother of the baby.

No more bailing out at all for this young man.