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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

13 yo DS at home alone overnight

51 replies

TeenNegotiator · 08/11/2025 20:14

I have to go away for work for one night in a couple of weeks. I spoke to DS about it earlier and I said I would ask his maternal grandma to pick him up to stay at her house or I could ask her to come and stay here. My sister and brother in law live next door but one too so he could also stay there.

He asked to stay at home by himself. My initial reaction is no, but I'm curious, what age would you allow your 13 year old to stay at home by themselves?

My mum lives 10 minutes away, my other half lives 10 minutes away and like I say, my sister and brother in law live next door but one. So we have plenty of people around us. It's the fact that my sister lives practically next door that makes me wonder if it's ok.

He's very mature for his age and I'm happy for him to be at home by himself it's just the overnight bit that is making me nervous.

What would you do?

OP posts:
BuddhaAtSea · 08/11/2025 20:15

No, he goes to your sister’s or you mum comes over. At 13 they have all sorts of ideas, none of them would allow for a good night’s sleep. Nah.

Savoretti · 08/11/2025 20:15

16 earliest id say

Luxio · 08/11/2025 20:17

15 maybe but definitely not 13.

Tryingatleast · 08/11/2025 20:17

Personally I wouldn’t, I don’t even have a safety reasoning as obviously you have the relatives next door, it just (to me) would seem like abandoning them. If they got worried/ scared I’d hate that they couldn’t just say it

Whentosayitsover · 08/11/2025 20:18

Probably 16 for me.

DiscoBeat · 08/11/2025 20:18

Our oldest is 17 and we left him overnight once last year, no way would we gave left him at 13.

Whereismyfleeceblanket · 08/11/2025 20:20

No under 16 left home alone over night here..
Not worth the worry imo.

herbalteabag · 08/11/2025 20:20

No I wouldn't have let mine stay alone at that age. I did have to leave my son at home from 6pm until 10.15pm once a week when he was 11 for work, which worked fine, but there is no way I would have left him overnight.
The first time I allowed that to happen was just before he was 16. I might have let him slightly earlier but the situation didn't arise.

EuroTour · 08/11/2025 20:21

End of year 11 so around 16

clarrylove · 08/11/2025 20:21

Wouldn't consider it under 16.

TheAutumnalCrow · 08/11/2025 20:23

No way.

Original poster
TeenNegotiator · 08/11/2025 20:23

Thank all, you've confirmed my thinking 😁

OP posts:
Flipthrfhxsd · 08/11/2025 20:25

Hmm as his auntie is next door and if she available to keep an eye on him it might work….

you know how sensible your child is and if it’s a good idea or not.

i left my then sensible 12 year old alone while I went out for a meal one evening, she had pleaded to stay alone and had been left for short periods/ walked home from school.

however , at some point she got scared being alone, and instead of ringing me like instructed, rang every member of the extended family she had the number off , and told them she was alone and scared.

i came home to several disgusted family members in my living room, and my ‘abandoned and neglected’ daughter sat with piles of sweets and a grin on her face.

it was a good few years before we left her again, and yes my mum told me off for weeks about leaving her home

AgnesMcDoo · 08/11/2025 20:27

I think 13 is too young

BerryTwister · 08/11/2025 20:29

OP I think you’d find your son would change his mind as the evening wore on. Lots of teens talk the talk, but in reality 13 is young and they need adults around.

Original poster
TeenNegotiator · 08/11/2025 20:30

Flipthrfhxsd · 08/11/2025 20:25

Hmm as his auntie is next door and if she available to keep an eye on him it might work….

you know how sensible your child is and if it’s a good idea or not.

i left my then sensible 12 year old alone while I went out for a meal one evening, she had pleaded to stay alone and had been left for short periods/ walked home from school.

however , at some point she got scared being alone, and instead of ringing me like instructed, rang every member of the extended family she had the number off , and told them she was alone and scared.

i came home to several disgusted family members in my living room, and my ‘abandoned and neglected’ daughter sat with piles of sweets and a grin on her face.

it was a good few years before we left her again, and yes my mum told me off for weeks about leaving her home

Oh crikey! What a nightmare to come back to.

This is the thing - he says he'll be fine (of course he would) He's pressing me to list things that could go wrong so I've talked to him about a few things and, of course, he can predict the future and says I'm over reacting and I'm being over protective. He's in a mood with me because I've said no.

Perhaps the compromise is that he can stay at home for the evening until say 9.30 and then go over to my sister's to sleep.

OP posts:
Frikadelle · 08/11/2025 20:33

Yes, I'd let him stay alone in your circumstances. Your Dsis is so close that he could go round to hers if he changed his mind. Or she can look in on him. You say he's very mature. I can imagine my DD would have been fine alone at that age, but as there's a younger sibling in the mix, it was never a consideration.

WhatNoRaisins · 08/11/2025 20:40

I think I agree that while the odds of anything bad actually happening are really low I would worry about them getting freaked out at the reality of being home alone at night. I was pretty nervy as a teenager.

HelpMySocksAreTouchingMe · 08/11/2025 20:40

I left my eldest overnight at 15 and his teacher heard him telling his friends the next day and I got a strong phone call threatening to report me to social services.

Nomorecoconutboosts · 08/11/2025 20:41

As others have said, 13 is too young. If any sort of incident/accident occurred he may not know how to deal with it appropriately. I think you’d feel awkward explaining your rationale if things did go wrong. An hour or two maybe, perhaps a good compromise that he has a couple of hours alone then goes to his aunt?

Financeisfun · 08/11/2025 20:44

NSPCC advises not to leave under 16s alone overnight.

Nat6999 · 08/11/2025 20:46

No way, exh tried to leave ds at home alone age 14 while he was in hospital & one of his neighbours reported it to Social Services who delivered him home to me & went mad at me even though ds was living with his dad at the time.

Blizzardofleaves · 08/11/2025 20:52

No chance, just too young.

We decided on 17 - that felt just right. We didn’t worry at all.

Original poster
TeenNegotiator · 08/11/2025 20:57

Plus - if I give him an inch, he'll take a mile. I told him that as soon as he stays alone overnight, he'll want to do that every time and I'm not comfortable with him doing it regularly if I have to go away again.

OP posts:
Ddakji · 08/11/2025 21:08

You’re his mum, you’re in charge, his opinion on the matter is irrelevant, and you don’t owe him an explanation for your decision.