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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

13 yo DS at home alone overnight

51 replies

TeenNegotiator · 08/11/2025 20:14

I have to go away for work for one night in a couple of weeks. I spoke to DS about it earlier and I said I would ask his maternal grandma to pick him up to stay at her house or I could ask her to come and stay here. My sister and brother in law live next door but one too so he could also stay there.

He asked to stay at home by himself. My initial reaction is no, but I'm curious, what age would you allow your 13 year old to stay at home by themselves?

My mum lives 10 minutes away, my other half lives 10 minutes away and like I say, my sister and brother in law live next door but one. So we have plenty of people around us. It's the fact that my sister lives practically next door that makes me wonder if it's ok.

He's very mature for his age and I'm happy for him to be at home by himself it's just the overnight bit that is making me nervous.

What would you do?

OP posts:
StrongLikeMamma · 08/11/2025 22:21

No I wouldn’t.
Possibly 16 if he’s very sensible.

Aligirlbear · 08/11/2025 22:38

No needs to be at least 16. Either an adult comes to stay with him or he goes to them

Jossse · 08/11/2025 22:51

I wouldn’t leave a 13 yr old. When they’re 16 yes

Mandarinaduck · 08/11/2025 22:53

I might leave a 15 year old but not a 13 year old even if sensible.

Nameeechanged · 08/11/2025 22:59

DS would try push for this, but when we go for meals or something if it gets too late I find he texts more and more and then says he is glad we are home when we get back. I’d tell him under 16’s aren’t allowed to be left alone over night to shut the conversation down,

DramaQueenlady · 08/11/2025 23:21

Nspcc say 16 min age. If anything happened you'd be charged with neglect. A fire could break out while your son is asleep. No matter how sensible he is, its not worth the risk

TartanMammy · 08/11/2025 23:28

Your compromise sounds like a a great solution, he gets the house to himself for most of evening but goes to.your sisters or mums to sleep.

I have a just turned 15 year old, he's very mature and sensible but I wouldn't leave him overnight just yet.

BrunchBarBandit · 08/11/2025 23:38

Not at 13, no

We left our then 16 year old for 2 nights earlier this summer but he went to local family (up the street) to sleep. He fended for himself during the day at home and enjoyed it but was happy for the company overnight

I’d be OK leaving him next year I reckon

Baital · 09/11/2025 00:03

TeenNegotiator · 08/11/2025 20:30

Oh crikey! What a nightmare to come back to.

This is the thing - he says he'll be fine (of course he would) He's pressing me to list things that could go wrong so I've talked to him about a few things and, of course, he can predict the future and says I'm over reacting and I'm being over protective. He's in a mood with me because I've said no.

Perhaps the compromise is that he can stay at home for the evening until say 9.30 and then go over to my sister's to sleep.

Show quote history

9.30 would be a bit late for me for a 13 year old, but I agree this is a good compromise. A bit of independence being 'home alone', then over to auntie's for the night.

A simple tea/dinner to reheat, so they have 'cooked' for themselves.

A good step towards independence.

DD has just been on her own (plus DDog) overnight aged 18. I think somewhere between 16 and 18 depending on the individual and circumstances for a completely unsupervised overnight.

treesocks23 · 09/11/2025 00:19

Nope!

Allbymyself123 · 09/11/2025 00:25

My oldest is 15 & i wouldn’t leave her. Probably at 16 i would maybe even 17 - i would just stress and worry. She is sensible and stays herself more now than come out with us but still wouldn’t do an overnight especially if i had family (i don’t have anyone)

No5ChalksRoad · 09/11/2025 00:33

I stayed home alone from 14 onwards. In fact I babysat newborns at that age.

Nameeechanged · 09/11/2025 07:37

No5ChalksRoad · 09/11/2025 00:33

I stayed home alone from 14 onwards. In fact I babysat newborns at that age.

I was hit as a child when I was naughty and never wore a seatbelt….. but that doesn’t mean I’d do it now!

Natsku · 09/11/2025 07:44

In your situation, with relatives so close by, I'd maybe consider it, if your sister or BIL could pop in to check on him later in the evening, and with the understanding that if he starts to feel a bit lonely or scared he can go to theirs. But it would depend on the child of course, some are more sensible than others. I think I would feel comfortable leaving DD home alone overnight now at 14 but its never come up because she has a younger brother who would need to be looked after so might as well have them both looked after. But I do need to start finding opportunities for her to do overnights alone/weekends alone because she is starting to seriously consider moving out at 16 to go to high school further away so need time to prepare her for independence.

OverNotOver · 09/11/2025 08:57

I think your compromise sounds sensible. Gets some independence, but not overnight by himself. Perhaps introduce the idea that he needs to show that he can be sensible with the limited independence to work towards being allowed to be overnight by himself in a couple of years!

Original poster
TeenNegotiator · 09/11/2025 08:59

Thanks All. Glad to know I'm not the overprotective tyrant my son would say I am 🤪🙃

OP posts:
Clearinguptheclutter · 09/11/2025 09:01

13 no way
maybe 15 but really 16+ for this

I’d say it’s non negotiable

Blondeshavemorefun · 09/11/2025 09:01

Flipthrfhxsd · 08/11/2025 20:25

Hmm as his auntie is next door and if she available to keep an eye on him it might work….

you know how sensible your child is and if it’s a good idea or not.

i left my then sensible 12 year old alone while I went out for a meal one evening, she had pleaded to stay alone and had been left for short periods/ walked home from school.

however , at some point she got scared being alone, and instead of ringing me like instructed, rang every member of the extended family she had the number off , and told them she was alone and scared.

i came home to several disgusted family members in my living room, and my ‘abandoned and neglected’ daughter sat with piles of sweets and a grin on her face.

it was a good few years before we left her again, and yes my mum told me off for weeks about leaving her home

And none of them rang you while you were out ?

ColdWaterDipper · 10/11/2025 18:39

I leave my youngest in the mornings very occasionally - so he wakes up to an empty house but I have been there overnight until 5am. We started doing this when he was nearly 12 only because I take our eldest to swim training twice a week in the early mornings before school, and usually my husband gets the younger one up and off for he school bus, but he was away with work that time. I wouldn’t leave them overnight until about 15/16 and we don’t even have the worry of friends coming over for a party or anything as we live in the middle of nowhere.

hcee19 · 10/11/2025 18:43

There is no law about saying you can or cannot. It is a grey area, but if anything did happen you could well be prosecuted for negligence. Personally l think you are mad to allow it, could you really not worry about him all night? l would worry, for peace of mind, don't allow it, you are the parent...

waterrat · 10/11/2025 20:20

im on the liberal end of parenting but no way! I live on a very ordinary street and don't generally worry about crime but break ins do happen, or accidents, robbings in the vicinity - I would not be able to sleep thinking what wuld happen if the house was broken in to!

Absolutely a low chance I know but not worth the risk

waterrat · 10/11/2025 20:20

Leaving at 5am yes I would do that as I consider that a safer time generally and almost morning.

Julimia · 10/11/2025 22:38

No he has plenty of options. He must choose one
Your peace of mind is important here too

neighboursmustliveon · 11/11/2025 09:09

It was 16 in this house. While there isn’t a law in the UK, if something were to go wrong, you could be convicted of child neglect. NSPCC recommends children not be left alone overnight until they are 16. We stuck to that with oldest and youngest. The youngest hadn’t actually been left alone yet as her older brother has been with her. It will happen at some point but as she always contacts us on a night out, I can’t imagine she wouldn’t do it repeatedly if we were away!

Hmmmmwineandchocs · 11/11/2025 09:11

Nope 16 for an overnight for me