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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

How much freedom does your 13yo have?

48 replies

norestforthewickedwitch · 31/10/2025 19:10

DS13 (year 8) tells me all his friends are allowed into our nearby city on their own.
Everyone he knows has no WiFi or screen time restrictions etc etc

I only have one child so no precedents set.

What is your 13yo allowed to do?

OP posts:
AlastheDaffodils · 31/10/2025 19:18

I don’t have a 13 year old but strongly encourage you to read Jonathan Haidt’s book The Anxious Generation OP. He has excellent data-driven insights on what parents of teenagers are generally too strict about and what they are too lax about.

The summary is he strongly argues that for most teenagers the biggest dangers lie on the internet rather than in the real world. So I think he would suggest being super strict about WiFi, phones, filters and screen time limits, but being relaxed about letting your 13 yo explore the real world with his friends.

SpaceRaiders · 31/10/2025 19:24

Nearby city?! I wouldn’t allow it unsupervised until 16, nearby city for us would be London though. I might have a different view if it were a smaller city like Cambridge.

Mine gets driven to town to meet friends and then collected afterwards. We do live out in the sticks and buses here are few and far between.

I’m pretty lax on phone restrictions. We have them on but DD’s both know the passcodes. I’ve trusted them thus far, with the understanding that if they gave me reason not to trust them, then they’d both have privileges removed.

bigmeringue · 31/10/2025 19:28

Mine were all zipping around on the tube solo from year 6 onwards, strongly encouraged by us! I was more concerned about the internet so did keep an eye on screen time. Parents don’t give their kids enough freedom in my view and helicopter parenting is widespread!

MountainBiker · 31/10/2025 19:29

My 13 year old has restricted use of his phone - lots of websites blocked, time limits, not allowed to take it to school (as per school rules although apparently according to him I'm the only parent who enforces this - I know that's not true!).
He's out and about this evening in the dark - hopefully with friends but I can't be sure he still is. Small town rather than a city though

Slippersandrum · 31/10/2025 19:39

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ for privacy reasons.

minipie · 31/10/2025 19:41

Everyone he knows has no WiFi or screen time restrictions etc etc

Yes DD says this. And then she complains that her friends aren’t replying to messages because they’re only allowed their phone between 5-7… And then I see on the parent whatsapp that some kids don’t even have smartphones…

Basically, your teen may be fibbing/exaggerating about what his friends are allowed. Or their friends may be, about what they’re allowed….

DD is 13 (just) and definitely has screen time restrictions, no social media. In terms of going out she does use tube and bus but I discuss with her the route and tend to track her if it’s a new route. And often we drop her at the station/stop. So fairly supervised.

TheNightingalesStarling · 31/10/2025 19:46

What do you meanby "nearby city"? Technically mine have done that from Yr7, but its a small city 20min drive away (we live in a village outside it). For others that's going to school.

Or it could mean a major city 90mins away on the train.

Original poster
norestforthewickedwitch · 31/10/2025 20:04

Nearby city is Worcester so actually more of a big town!

I know most of his friends have the restrictions he claims they don’t. I like what you’re saying about letting him explore the real world more. Into the city for him it seems!

OP posts:
Natsku · 31/10/2025 20:09

My DD is 14 and has been allowed to take the train to the nearest city (hour away) since she was 13. At 13 we experimented with getting rid of phone time limits but that experiment was a failure so she's limited to a couple of hours a day now again.
She has a lot of real world independence, for instance she is currently out for a walk in the forest with her friends, but less online freedom, for instance I don't allow tiktok and her Instagram account is private.

BestZebbie · 31/10/2025 20:23

We started going on the bus to the nearby city (Bath) at the end of Year 8, which is your son’s age - but never alone, always in a small group of friends who were required to stick together. This was because there was nothing to do rurally and Bath is very naice, however - I don’t think we’d have been allowed into a larger city.

NConthe · 31/10/2025 20:51

Definitely let him out to meet his mates!

user2848502016 · 31/10/2025 22:20

My 14 year old still has screen time restrictions, she is allowed into our local town on her own or with friends, and is allowed to get the train to a larger town with her friends.

It seems bizarre to me that people are concerned about teenagers getting public transport to perfectly safe cities during the daytime , but are lax about them having unrestricted internet access!

MiddleAgedDread · 31/10/2025 22:23

DSD has to go through the city to get to school if she uses public transport and they often go out on a Friday after school for food and drink in the city, or to the cinema in an evening. I guess it depends where you live though, we’re so close to the centre it would be weird to not allow it! And yes she has a screentime curfew in term time.

AnnaQuayInTheUk · 31/10/2025 22:29

DS started to catch bus to our nearest (small) city in Y6, but only with his friends.

Unless your DC has additional needs, why on earth aren't you allowing them to go into Worcester at the age of 13?? Loads of children travel to a city or town for secondary school via public transport.

mumwhoneedshalp · 31/10/2025 22:39

My year 8 child is allowed out and about, usually on his bike ect- so is my year 6. I wouldn’t be against year 8 going to town on the bus but I don’t think anyone really goes that far.
overall I prefer them out than being in on phones/ gaming. Year 8 is unfortunately staying in a little too much for my liking lately and it doesn’t do him any good.
They have screen time on their phones just at night time so they can’t sneak on them/ get messages coming through.

EnglishGirlApproximately · 31/10/2025 22:54

My 13YO has restricted screen time and blocked apps, websites etc - and no way of paying for in game purchases without me authorising as I find that helps him to think twice about if he really wants to spend!
He can go into town with friends and goes out on his bike after school in the village - I ask him to let me know if he goes further afield. He hasn't asked to go into the city yet but I would depending which friends were involved - he's pretty well travelled and street smart for his age as a result, has a great sense of direction and is generally sensible so as long as he's with similar friends I wouldn't be too worried. For now though they seem fairly happy with our local town.

Satisfiedwithanapple · 01/11/2025 07:03

Deffo would allow Worcester if I lived nearby. I’d allow my (very sensible) 13 year year old to Birmingham with a sensible friend now on the train but she is nearly 14 and year 9. They said I wouldn’t allow hanging around in Worcester for hours on end at that age or after 5pm. Shopping and a coffee for a couple of hours, fine however.

In terms of phones any kid who doesn’t have restrictions the parents are mad tbh. That said I don’t agree with the ‘super strict’ approach either, ultimately they have to learn to navigate stuff in their teens and have the confidence to identify when things are going the wrong way and react appropriately.

youalright · 01/11/2025 07:06

Put life 360 on his phone and set him free

Pricelessadvice · 01/11/2025 07:08

I was riding out ponies on my own on the roads at 13 and was allowed to go into town or nearby city with a friend shopping.

We didn’t have mobile phones in those days so it’s far easier now to keep track of kids.

Netaporter · 01/11/2025 07:16

Mine were solo using trains and tubes from year 7 (all the kids in the year used public transport to get to school in London) Location services had to be on, no walking around with headphones on. Screen time was limited but so it was for pretty much every kid in the class. No phones or devices in rooms overnight - they all had to be in our room to avoid temptation to get up and sneak it back in. We had a rule that either parent could check the phone at any point without warning to ensure nothing untoward was going on and the phone was to be handed over without complaint. Tbf, we only ever checked when there had been a concern raised in the parents WhatsApp or by the school. Mainly they were sensible and treating them with a bit of responsibility meant it fostered an open relationship with them. Kids need boundaries for sure, but they also need to figure out the world themselves and to know you’ve got their back if things go awry. You sound like a great mum - it’s tricky knowing where to find the balance but you’re asking the right questions. It’s also the right time to chat about money/spending/budgeting and how to share costs with friends fairly when you are out etc.

clary · 01/11/2025 07:22

Mine were going into the city we live on the edge of (so a 10-15 min bus ride) at 11. With a friend maybe or meeting a friend.

Walking to school on their own from year 5/6; walking to (local obvs) evening activities from 11yo for sure. Going swimming without me (probs with a friend) from about 9/10 (all good swimmers).

I presume he gets himself to and from school? What else has he done on his own? Has he caught a bus, gone to the shop? You need to do it bit by bit.

foxlover47 · 01/11/2025 07:23

@PricelessadviceI was very similar to you pony wise , my daughter is 13 and now hacks out occasionally alone although she does avoid roads as much as possible.
she was out trick and treating with her friends taking their little siblings last night and she has insta and tik tok set on private.
we do talk a lot , I’m a single parent to her ( no co parenting ) she’s very aware of the dangers of the net , grooming , bullying online etc I do monitor what she is doing online but I’m also more than aware that there are a lot of dangers online.
shes allowed shopping with her friends , I just make sure that I’ve always said to her let me know where you are and what you’re doing and no matter what she can always come to me or tell me anything.
none of us are perfect but we can’t helicopter them too much

Almost2026 · 01/11/2025 07:30

Interestingly this has been different for both my children.

DS needed lots of internet and phone restrictions as he couldn’t self regulate and would be on it all night, so his was turned off at 10pm. We would check he was in bed etc. DD however is very good at going into do not disturb once’s she’s tired from 9pm onwards. We never have to check that she’s going to sleep etc.

But DS had much more freedom to go places / travel by himself, he was good with public transport and generally sensible. DD really struggles with directions and I wouldn’t let her get the bus to town now, she got it in the wrong direction going to her grandmas (that we go pretty much every day) and didn’t notice.

DuchessofReality · 01/11/2025 07:30

My 13 yr old has restrictions on his phone, is not allowed TikTok, Snapchat or similar (can watch YouTube Kids on the TV and has WhatsApp on his phone). His phone also unlocks to my fingerprint as well as his, and I do check his messages.

I would be completely happy with him using public transport to go anywhere in the daytime as long as we had talked through first what he was doing. However, he hasn’t wanted to yet although his elder sibling was out and about plenty at the same age.

DeathMetalMum · 01/11/2025 07:34

We were happy for both dd's to go to town from year 7. They use the bus daily for high school anyway that goes to local town/city first that's 10 minutes away. Dc's friends don't seem to do this though. Dd2 is in year 8 now and nearly 13 but none of her friends seem to be able to do this. This half term dd's met in town with their cousins instead. Dd1 is almost 15, she will make her way to her sports club in town from home or school, either walking or via the bus. Our local pool is currently closed, otherwise I'd be encouraging dd2 to see if any of her friends wanted to go swimming sometimes too.

We still have restrictions on phones, when they use them and and what apps they can download etc. Dd2 says similar that her friends are allowed to use their phones when they want. Except if she calls messages then sometimes can wait a couple of hours before they reply or call. Or they have to schedule a time. So it's obvious to me her friends also have some time restrictions.

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