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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

Would you get up in the morning specifically to be around when your teenagers get ready for school?

77 replies

tigermoth · 05/06/2008 20:37

If you didn't need to get up for any other reason, would you get up early to see off your teenagers on school days?

As I go out to work, I don't have the luxury of choice over this matter - I have to get up anyway.

But for SAHMs in particular, as teenagers are in theory old enough to sort out their clothes, get washed, get their own breakfast, pack their bags etc do you still feel impelled to be there to help organise them and/or keep them company - even if being a doormat is not your style?

I cannot imagine not getting up to see off my 14 year old ds (and help him start his day in an organised way). FWIW I consider it my duty as a parent to do this (at present anyway - may change my mind in a few years). My ds would hate it if I was not around in the mornings. I would feel I was neglecting him big time.

But strictly speaking, it is not necessary, is it? Just curious what other people do and feel about this.

OP posts:

janeite · 05/06/2008 20:48

I'm also at work so have no choice but yes - of course I would. Too many of our pupils at school have to haul themselves out of bed and sort themselves out whilst the rest of the family stary in bed - I think it's pretty poor tbh.

janeite · 05/06/2008 20:48

"STAY" in bed!

mosschops30 · 05/06/2008 20:49

No, I work fulltime but if i have a day off, I dont get up to see dd (12) off.
She can get dressed herself, make her own breakfast and lock the front door.

WendyWeber · 05/06/2008 20:52

No, I have to confess I don't, tm - unless I need to be up for some other reason - I think he prefers it that way, actually.

DS2 very kindly brings me a cup of tea at about 8.15, and he sorts himself out (which sometimes involves coming back 2 or 3 times as he remembers things he's forgotten - it's a good job school's only a 10-minute walk away )

charliecat · 05/06/2008 20:56

I work from home and I think would still be in the routine of getting up? So would be up, I think.
My mum used to be in bed when I left, from 8 onwards.

claricebeansmum · 05/06/2008 20:58

I think it is good to be up - even if not dressed. If that is the moment they have chosen to communicate other than in grunts then I like to be there for it!

I sometimes roll back to bed when the house is empty.

WendyWeber · 05/06/2008 20:59

Oh I don't do that any more, cbm - once I'm up I'm up. Which is why I prefer not to be up

jammi · 05/06/2008 21:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

wheresthehamster · 05/06/2008 21:06

As soon as dd1 and dd2 went to secondary school they were on their own. I am awake and shout out the time if I think they are going to be late but I believe they should be responsible for their own stuff etc. They never skip breakfast and just shout out if they need money.

It's been the making of dd2. I would never have believed she could organise herself. She was getting detention for forgetting her PE kit to start with but now sorts herself out really well. I'm up by the time she goes but get snapped at if I try to interfere with her routine!

Dd3 and myself leave together at the moment but I'm hoping she will be just as independent at 11.

MrsMuddle · 05/06/2008 21:07

Even on the days I don't work, I get up, but I don't always get dressed, and I sometimes go back to bed.

I like to check they've brushed their teeth and got their lunch / instrument / PE kit.

In the morning, they often produce forms etc that need signed too. It's nice just to see them out the door, talk about the day ahead, and make sure that they're happy when they leave.

I can't foresee a time when I won't get up to see them out, TBH. They'd never admit it, but I think they appreciate me being there for them in the morning.

mumblechum · 05/06/2008 21:12

On the one day I don't work, in theory he gets himself up and he can, but I usually end up running downstairs to remind him to pack his trainers or something. All the other days we get up together

Piffle · 05/06/2008 21:15

I have dd as well aged 5 but ds1 14 leaves earlier to walk with friends. On days when dd has been ill and slept in I let ds1 get ready then farking boy just before he leaves he makes his mum a pot of tea, asks for lunch money and kisses me goodbye and we both say love you!

I could never sleep through him going with any conscience but once when ds2 was tiny and I was up all night with him. Dp was away. Ds1 knew I'd been up and said he had not wanted to wake me, had made his and his sisters lunch too.
I could weep with the goodness that he is. Kissing him goodbye is something that will be gone all too soon I guess....

Piffle · 05/06/2008 21:16

farking boy should read darling boy

WendyWeber · 05/06/2008 21:18

I did wonder, piff

2shoes · 05/06/2008 21:20

I do and dh is 16. I get up and do his lunch and make him toast. then get dd up.
I do it even when dd is at respite.
when I was about 14 my dad told me my mum would longer be getting up to see me off to school(she had cancer) I missed it so much.
so I do it cos of that. but no way will I being doing it in september when he starts college

Saggarmakersbottomknocker · 05/06/2008 21:23

I get up - but I don't do anything for them. We grunt at each other and then I or dh - usually dh TBH, take dd to school.

Kally · 05/06/2008 21:24

I have two older children that have been thru school and done with but I always got up to make their sandwiches and help them along. Mine were never really very good in the morning. They are adults today and often refer very affectionately how they appreciated my presence and my fresh sandwiches. They now care for their partners in the same way. I can see it has its rewards. Now I have my 10 year old who is the same, I couldn't think of her getting up alone and going off with me still in the land of nod. I'm a parent. This is part of parenting. My dad used to leave really early in the morning but still woke me with a cup of tea and a slice of toast. I'd eat it and drink the cold tea just because he put himself out to do it for me... but I care for mine in the same way and its something I remember with great appreciation. It can only do good and show you care.

brimfull · 05/06/2008 21:32

When I had ds and dd was in yr 6 she left the house without waking me a few times and I was wracked with guilt.Told her to wake me up no matter how much I'd been up with ds.

She is 16 now and I only get up if ds is going to school or I need to go out.I work nights,so dd is alone with ds from 5 am until I get home at 8am.

I know someone who hasn't got up with her ds since he's been 7 yrs old.I think that's a bit mean tbh.

janeite · 05/06/2008 21:33

Phew! I'm so glad that other people think it is important; I was beginning to think I was a lone voice! I really do think it is a really vital part of being there for them and showing them that you think school is important.

mumeeee · 05/06/2008 23:49

I usually get up even if I'm not working.
But DD3 16 has been getting up and out for her exams this week.
When I do get up it is just to call them and be around if they need me.
I don't do their breakfast. They have been getting their own since they were about 10.

unknownrebelbang · 05/06/2008 23:59

We don't get up specifically for DS1, although one or other of us is often up anyway.

DS1, almost 14, extremely independent, actually enjoys some peace and quiet as he is getting ready for school, without his younger brothers getting in his way, so we try to engineer that when possible.

He goes out the house about 7.50 to catch the bus and more often than not either DS2 or DS3 are up before he leaves, but he much prefers it if they're not up.

Having said all that, he's started a paper-round this week, and I've made a point of being up and about just in case he needs a bit of help whilst he's adjusting to his new routine, but so far he's adapted without a problem.

soapbox · 06/06/2008 00:03

I have no teenagers yet but I cannot imagine anything more joyless than a teenager getting up in the morning and sorting themselves out for the day without any interaction with their parents.

It sounds so sad!

Tortington · 06/06/2008 00:07

if i have a day off - i stay in bed

if i have flexi or go in late - i set te alarm - make sure they are awake tell ds to wash his hair and to find a pen.

quite frankly i have given up on breakfast - if they cant be bothered to pour it into a bowl with milk - then tough shit. starve

chopchopbusybusy · 06/06/2008 00:08

Soapbox, teenagers tend to be quite joyless beings in the morning before they go to school anyway. DD1 gets herself ready and has done since she was 13. DD2 on the other hand does like me to be there preparing her lunch and waving from the door until she is out of sight - it's only a question of time befopre she asks me to stay in bed

unknownrebelbang · 06/06/2008 00:09

DS1's choice to be left alone chez rebel.

As I said, we're usually up and about anyway, but DS1 quite happy if we're not.

I had no choice when I was growing up - my mother had to be at work for 8 am, so we were left to our own devices every morning.

I always made it to school.

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