Would you get up in the morning specifically to be around when your teenagers get ready for school?

[tigermoth]

If you didn't need to get up for any other reason, would you get up early to see off your teenagers on school days?

As I go out to work, I don't have the luxury of choice over this matter - I have to get up anyway.

But for SAHMs in particular, as teenagers are in theory old enough to sort out their clothes, get washed, get their own breakfast, pack their bags etc do you still feel impelled to be there to help organise them and/or keep them company - even if being a doormat is not your style?

I cannot imagine not getting up to see off my 14 year old ds (and help him start his day in an organised way). FWIW I consider it my duty as a parent to do this (at present anyway - may change my mind in a few years). My ds would hate it if I was not around in the mornings. I would feel I was neglecting him big time.

But strictly speaking, it is not necessary, is it? Just curious what other people do and feel about this.

Don't want to worry you scaryteacher but my mate's ds Yr7 skived out of most of the first term. He'd get on the bus, waved off by mum, get off at the first stop where his mate lived and they'd playstation all day. He got away with it for 8 weeks, incredibly!! (his mates dad left for work at 6.45am)

Massive failing on the school's part then, mumblechum! Where I work, reception are phoning parents once the registers are in to chase up any absences that school haven't already been notified about. How on earth did it go on for eight weeks?

That's a very good question! I don't see this mate often and didn't like to ask too much, she was v v upset.

I'm awake and getting myself together, but don't do stuff for anyone else. Everyone in family know to avoid me in morning. DS1 (16) does not like to be helped in morning, even knocking on his door to check he's awake causes ructions. I do occasionally put games kit etc right by front door in the hope that falling over it will jog his memory.

I have always got up for mine (now teenagers) and I can't imagine not doing that. Yes teens are yuk in the morning, but I still like to feel I do my bit by being there. It will be all too soon that they fly the nest and it will be an empty house...

No way could I lie in bed while they go off, it just doesn't seem right to me.

I can't imagine never getting up to see off ds1, unless I had regular interruped nights and badly needed the sleep.

As ds1 is my first teenager, it could be a case of the precious first born syndrome. In 5 year's time, when ds2 is 13, I may be more blaise about the mornings.

I know ds1 really wants me with him - and he's very chatty in the mornings. When he wakes up, if I am not already downstairs, he knocks on my bedroom door and hovers on the landing till he hears me get out of bed - he won't go downstairs alone! So in my case, if I refused to be there, ds1 would feel very abandoned.

My mum used to be there to see me off right up until I left home at age 22, but she was an early riser anyway. I really missed her presence when I left home. It was one of the things that made our home a home.

Someone further down the thread was describing their friend not wishing to feel 'used' by her children in this sort of way. How sad and mean-spirited IMO!

However, if you are sure your teenagers really want to see no one in the mornings, (and I know plenty of adults like that) then I guess it's best not to invade their space.

a 14 yar old won't go downstairs in his own house without his mum? what's that about?

He craves company in the mornings! In the winter I think he's a bit scared of the dark as well as it is dark when he needs to get up. At weekends, this 'fear of downstairs' disappears.

One of us (DH or me) alternates getting up at 6:15am and making the other one a cuppa/feed animals etc so someone is about when DS gets up at 6:30 - he leaves the house by 7:30 but takes his time showering, having brekkie etc.

I use the time he is in the shower to make the sandwhiches & I get in shower after he has left. DD gets up later but is at a nearer school.

I've always got up (barring flu)if either of mine have had to.

It's partly to set them an example - to show them that grown ups are supposed to get up and get on with things and also to show that I care what sort of day they are going to have.

In their natural state they would fester in their beds until the evening. I can only hope that my example is somewhere in the back of their minds.

I have to get up for work anyway but even when Im not at work I get up with my 15 year old ds..It just wouldnt seem right if I stayed in bed ..hes usually quite chatty in the mornings but he does put the kerrang music channel on the tv ..that usually wakes me right up

Oh and I usually end up straightening his hair for him

Interesting, random. Hair and music are also permitted bonding areas with ds2(17). I'm not allowed to straighten his hair (wouldn't know how) but I am permitted to make admiring comments.

I do!Cereal out check he's got everything and kiss goodbye but I am a saddo No matter how tired i still egt up

2shoes if your dh is 16 i want to see him at the next brighton meet

My 13 year old doesn't like coming downstairs by herself either - but I think reallyit's probably a ploy to ensure that I'm the one who makes the drinks!

Love the getting up with son to straighten his hair routine!

DS2 doesn't always have time to do his hair before college. At a pinch he can get by with sleeping in his hat for the required "indie"(?)look next day.

can i just say ds is 16 not dh

Same here Jura (breaking up the fights, lol).

Although DS1 likes his space - and we give it to him where possible - even if neither of us is up (which is rare) we're awake (usually entertaining the younger two to keep them out of his way, lol) and we do speak to each other. We're not lying in bed fast asleep.

When all three are in secondary - next September, we will all be up getting ready together - (except DH who works shifts).

It works for us, and like I said lower down the thread my mum had to be at work for 8am, so we had to get ourselves sorted once we were old enough.

ds is nearly 5 and dd is only 17 months, but I would like to think I would at least get up at some point before they went out to say goodbye etc. they could do their own breakfast. in reality would probably have to drag him out of bed, he's really difficult to wake already and never wants to get out of bed for school.

I thought I would be up every morning when DS 12 started secondary. I have been really surprised to find he loves getting up and making his own breakfast, even making scrambled egg or bake beans on toast or home made pancakes.I make sure he has his clothes the night before and he has to sort out his books before he goes to bed.
I usually get up a few minutes before he leaves to get the train to say goodbye. Depending what DH is doing for work he is sometime up with DS.
I then get DD 10 up to get her school on my way to work.

I wasn't there for my oldest daughter, so she had to take care of herself a lot. I was living in Florida at the time but my job waas in the Cayman Islands, so when my dd was 16 I'd leave her to it. As a result, she's very, very independent now and hates it if I interfere with anything!

At 16, she'd get up at $:30, make her own lunch, shower, dress, finish homework, tidy up and make it to her school bus at 6:20 AM.

She was, and still is, a responsible young lady.

He can't skive as registration is logged on the bus (we live in Belgium, so it's the dedicated bus for his international school), and they are not allowed off once on it, until they get to school.

If I didn't get him out of the house, down the drive, across the racetrack that doubles for a road here, and standing in position, he wouldn't get to the place at which his bus stops. The bus also varies in the time it turns up - some days early, some on time, and if the traffic is bad, up to half an hour late. It's easier to wait with him on balance, and then I'm also up for the day. If he needs a packed lunch I do that too.

The bus stops at the end of the drive, and the bus supervisor prefers that they are met off the bus, so I'm there.