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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

how much pocket money, and what do they buy themselves?

55 replies

fryalot · 04/06/2008 13:03

Sorry, I know it's been done before, but can you all give me a brief recap:

She's 14.

How much money should we be giving her and what should she be expected to buy out of that? I am keen to get her to think about budgeting and want to give her a bit more responsibility for herself.

Specifically, who should be buying make-up and paying for hair cuts?

tia

OP posts:
bluesquare · 04/06/2008 13:08

Hi there!
I'm 15 so a year older but I get £100 a month, from both my Mum and my Dad.
I am expected to pay for make up, toiletries, clothes, books, CD's, Gig tickets things like that.
It normally lasts me for the month but if I had to buy something big, like a winter coat my Mum might pay £10 toward sit or something.

PenelopePitstops · 04/06/2008 13:11

all essentials you buy, school uniform, school shoes, trainers, toiletries like toothbrush and shower gel, also some clothes for outside school

then she buys everything else from £20 a week, if she want more she can ern it by doing jobs

PenelopePitstops · 04/06/2008 13:12

should say earn

GrumpyOldHorsewoman · 04/06/2008 13:13

It's a tricky one.

DH recently suggested £20 per week for 13 yo DD which left me

We finally agreed, with much compromising, on £10 per week, which I then stipulated bought her whatever she wanted apart from clothing. But that's because I attach great importance to clothing and could only imagine what she would have bought for herself without my input - at least if I'm paying for clothes I get a say in what we buy (mutual consent, of course). I think much of the same could also be said about haircuts. If she came home with a black and pink mullet that she had paid for herself I wouldn't be thrilled. Once they get to 15/16 I think a greater amount of freedom is fine, but at 13/14 you need to keep a bit more control.

Plus pocket money is a fantastic bargaining tool!

sleepycat · 04/06/2008 13:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
fryalot · 04/06/2008 13:35

thanks very much for your input.

Bluesquare - do you get £100 off your mum and another £100 off your dad? Or £100 altogether?

Would you lot suggest still giving her the same amount of pocket money if she gets a Saturday job?

OP posts:
girlnextdoor · 04/06/2008 13:41

I think £100 a month is A LOT!

Many adults don't have that to spend on themselves for non-essentials- by that I mean clothes that aren't absolutely essential etc etc.

A few years back, we started giving mine about £10 a week for everything except essentials- school clothes, books, fares, food, etc.

But the boundaries became very blurred. ie- new shoes for the weekend- are they essential, or do they just want another pair?

In the end we found it cheaper to buy most stuff- but there was a big difference between my son and daughter- she got a Saturday job, and basically we stopped all pocket money but still bought large items of clothing like winter coat and one pair of boots/shoes,but my son never had a Saturday job but earned money by ebaying and flogging stuff! he wasn't into clothes at all, so we bought them for him when his others literally dropped to pieces and gave him the odd £5 a week for money when he went out if he needed topping up.

I don't think there is any easy answer- I don't think we got it right- if you give an allowance then you have to be really careful not to hand over more money - and if they work you have to be sure it doesn't interfere with their school work; my daughter was able to wok one day a week at a weekend which was perfect, but all that was on offer for my son was 2 nights and one full day at a supermarket which was too much for his school work, and for us to get him there, as we live in a remote village. So with him it suited us better not to give him an allowance.

bluesquare · 04/06/2008 13:43

I get £100 altogether.
But I have to pay for travel if I want to go anywhere, like to town or to a friends house.
I have to pay for school trips if I want to go as well.

SniffyHock · 04/06/2008 13:49

My sister pays pocket money for her DDs straight into their bank account which means they have to really think about whether or not they want something rather than just blowing it.

Also, there was a really interesting radio programme on this. Some 'expert' said that you should agree on an amount and always give it, regardless of their behaviour, as withdrawing pocket money as punishment will only lead to resentment.

As for the amount, it's hard to say, do you know any of her friend's mums? You could ask how much they give - then your DD won't feel different.

Original poster
fryalot · 04/06/2008 14:16

I don't know any rl mums of teenagers. We have spoken about it, and according to her, all her mates get hundreds of pounds for doing nothing and never have to buy a thing - they never have to help out with the housework either and they all get the latest mobile phone within a day of it going on sale.

So I don't quite believe her

I think we will have a discussion about it tonight.

Paying it straight into her bank is a fantastic idea and definitely one that I will have some proper thought about

OP posts:
lazymumofteenagesons · 04/06/2008 14:57

i think stopping pocket money if they get a saturday job is unfair. Its not much of an incentive to work if you've got a sibling doing nothing and getting pocket money for it.

mumblechum · 04/06/2008 15:05

My 13 yr old ds gets a total of £60 a month from me & grandma. I buy all his clothes & pay for haircuts.

He pays for stuff like games, cinema, going for a burger etc.

This new, improved allowance is a new phenomenon and I'm impressed at how he's budgeting now that he doesn't have a walking cash machine anymore.

Agree re. Sat jobs. If mine ever gets one he can keep his wages as he'd only do it if he was saving up for something major.

Original poster
fryalot · 04/06/2008 15:08

tis a good point about saturday jobs - I won't stop her money if she gets one.

Have now started a thread about which bank account to open for her, so if anyone has any ideas on that, could you give me some advice there as well?

OP posts:
Original poster
fryalot · 04/06/2008 15:09

sorry, bank account thread is here

OP posts:
girlnextdoor · 04/06/2008 15:12

lazymum- were you replying to my post?

In our case, my older DS was at uni when my younger DD was working on Saturdays- the opportunity wasn't there for him at the time- new shops in town etc.
Besides, there is a lot more to working than just earning money- my DD was trained in Customer Services by the John Lewis partnership etc and it did wonders for her confidence, and looked great on her UCAS application as well. The money was good too- but she gained far more in other ways.

When I was 16 I had Saturday jobs and from that day to the day I began working at 21 after uni, my parents didn't give me a penny- basically cos they couldn't afford to.

RustyBear · 04/06/2008 15:51

DD (18 but still at school) gets £80 a month,& buys non-school clothes & shoes, make-up, phone top ups & anything else she wants rather than needs. She usually buys her hair dye herself, but I have been known to pick it up with the shopping. With school clothes, because she's at a 6th form college she doesn't wear uniform, so I give her the same amount I would have spent.

Her allowance hasn't actually gone up for two years because she smokes & I have said I'm not increasing it until she stops, because I won't pay for cigarettes.

I didn't stop her allowance when she got a job, because if she made the effort to work, I think it should be extra - her brother didn't get a saturday job & still got his allowance.

prettypurpledaisy · 04/06/2008 18:09

My teenage dd gets £40 per month but we pay for telephone, school clothes and dancing. She pays for clothes and going out out of this.
She manages very well on this and is learning to budget, although occasionally wants me to buy her clothes when we are out.

chenin · 04/06/2008 18:45

Gawd! You're a generous lot. I basically phased out pocket money from abut the age of 14 and they got part time jobs! I haven't given pocket money to my DD2 for a couple of years and she is 16.5.

She works a couple of shifts at a local pub and earns £50 plus a week. Every now and again I buy her a few clothes and I also pay for anything she needs for school or education. But she pays for everything else... mobile, CDs, going out, gig tickets,presents for friends, bus fare to go shopping etc.

I am gobsmacked at your DD Rustyear... 18 years old and getting £80 a month from you and smoking? Sorry to pick that out.. but I am amazed

DD1, now 19 and at Uni, has worked since she was 14 on and off, fitting in with her studies. It is very noticeable at those kids who have never worked, who are at Uni with DD... they are incapable of getting a job and managing their finances cos they've never had to get of their arses and do it!

RustyBear · 04/06/2008 19:21

I don't really think £80 is that excessive - tbh - lunch at college is around £1.75 a day & bus fare £1, so that's half of it - yes she smokes, but she's cutting down, and will try to give it up after her exams are finished - I'm not going to get on her back about it while she is stressed with working hard. She has a job at Woolies on a Sunday, working 6.5 hours a week & is saving for university, so she's learning to manage her money - during the summer she'll be buying & cooking her own food to learn how to cope on a student budget.

chenin · 04/06/2008 19:23

Rusty... you didn't say she was paying for her lunch and travel to college... fair enough!

RustyBear · 04/06/2008 19:25

Sorry -I lost my post & had to retype - must have missed that bit out the second time!

southeastastra · 04/06/2008 19:26

blimey i don't give my ds(14) any.

girlnextdoor · 04/06/2008 20:45

I don't think kids should get extra money when they are working tbh. Rustybear- it's your choice, and I know this won't go down well, but there is NO WAY i would support anyone's smoking habit by contributing to their income.
If your DD had less money it might be an incentive not to spend what she did earn on fags. By giving her money on top of her wages, you seem to be condoning that.

Why don't you just pay for her lunches- if she was at home you'd be feeding her lunch anyway- and stop the allowance?

My attitude towards kids who are able and old enough to work is that no-one gives me money for doing nothing- I am self employed and have to work for every penny- so why give them money for doing nothing? Yes, of course mine are bought things, and get money for birthdays and at Xmas, but I think a regular allowance when they are/can work is really molly-coddling them.

RustyBear · 04/06/2008 21:08

She's not doing nothing, she is working very hard for 5 A levels, she does her share of the chores (tbh, probably rather more than her share) as well as her Sunday job.

She is trying to cut down her smoking & stop, but it's her way of dealing with stress. She doesn't like the fact that she smokes herself, but she feels the need, which means she would buy fags somehow - do you suggest I make her give up her job so she has no money at all? She is after all 18 - sometimes you have to accept that people may make choices you don't approve of.

chenin · 04/06/2008 21:29

girlnextdoor... totally agree with your statement about kids who are able to work not being given money for doing nothing by parents. It is all about teaching a work ethic and slowly educating them that you don't get something for nothing in this world...

DD1 managed to work at a part time job and still get very good grades at A level. Work does NOT have to infringe on studying... I do know that the time she spent working, she would NOT have been studying. The shifts she did at the pub were a welcome distraction from studying.