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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

How to be the teen house?

78 replies

newbluesofa · 02/10/2025 17:28

I know this is many people's worst nightmare, but my husband and I have always said we want to be a home where our children and their friends feel welcome to come over whenever, be the place they like to hang out and feel comfortable. We grew up together and had a house like that to hang out at and it meant a lot to us.

How do you cultivate a home like that? Welcoming but expecting respect. Making them feel safe and comfortable yet supervised. Relaxed yet responsible. Are any of you the house where all the teens hang out?

OP posts:

Original poster

newbluesofa · 02/10/2025 19:56

ARichtGoodDram · 02/10/2025 19:34

Being the teen house gives a really excellent insight into what is going on with the teens.

One particular child no longer appearing - issue in the friends group.
One particular child staying over more often - issues at home.
One child not staying over when another is - issues in the friend group.

You also hear and overhear a lot. I was able to intervene in two downright dangerous situations just by overhearing stuff going on and speaking to mine.

It also really helped my kids feel able to discuss things with us that they may not have done otherwise. We had several "so, you probably overheard that X has been doing Y..." type conversations.

I had rules that I stuck with at all times so everyone knew the boundaries, and that seemed to actually be something the kids liked. Even if they didn't really like, or agree with, a rule they liked that it was consistent.

It can also impact on your relationship with other parents. One friend dropped me when I refused to specifically listen in when her daughter was here and tell me everything that I'd heard. Another was very pissed off when I wouldn't allow her 15 year old to rock up to a party with a bottle of vodka. She really struggled to grasp that "she's allowed, I said so" didn't apply in my house!

Show quote history

What rules did you have?

Ridiculous about the girl bringing alcohol! Your house, your rules, no matter what her mum says!

OP posts:

Screamingabdabz · 02/10/2025 19:56

HarrietSchulenberg · 02/10/2025 18:25

Interesting concept. Why on earth would you want to be a magnet for other people's teenagers?

I distinctly remember how it feels to be a teenager and I loved hanging out with my own teens. We always treated them like mini adults so they were more than welcome to bring their mates home. I knew they’d be respectful and clear up etc. We just left them to it. It was fine and especually if they wanted you to join in on the laughs or the hot gossip - such fun!

onetwothreeweeeeeeeee · 02/10/2025 19:57

My son’s friend’s dad, in order to be that house, built an underground bar and cinema room. With a gym and outdoor pool.

So, unfortunately, no amount of pizza and cans of coke would get the boys to choose ours over theirs, but I thought it was worth a try anyway!

Original poster

newbluesofa · 02/10/2025 19:57

Rozendantz · 02/10/2025 19:45

I disagree with those people saying you need lots of space and to provide endless food. The actual answer is to be welcoming and warm and show an interest in the kids (without being intrusive).

My (still) best friend lived in the teen house... It was just her and her mum, it was a crappy little flat and they were dirt poor. But her mother loved having teens round, and we loved being there - I spent far more weekends there as a teen than in my own home - where my mother was rude and judgemental, and went out of her way to make my friends uncomfortable....

This is good to know as we don't have a huge house, no den, 2nd reception room, or spare bedroom

OP posts:

DinaofCloud9 · 02/10/2025 19:58

clipboardz · 02/10/2025 19:47

We also wanted houses where parents weren't really about! Maybe it depends on the teens!

Yes.

Parents who went out a lot were the ideal parents.

clipboardz · 02/10/2025 19:58

You do not have to be the teen house to have good relationships with your dc, know their friends, have socialising in your house.

theresnolimits · 02/10/2025 19:58

We were the teen house. Location helps ( centre of town, near schools). We had a separate den with a tv and console, enough space for a sofa and chairs so could accommodate up to 6. Possible to come in through the back door and a handy downstairs loo. Next to the kitchen for water but we never supplied snacks and they were never demanded - kids sometimes picked up something on the way. Plus I had two DSs who liked each other’s friends and would mix in.

So logistics make a huge difference. But I also welcomed anyone, never judged and stayed out of their space. Smiles, hellos and nods, but I never tried to engage them in conversation unless led by them.

And my DH is the coolest sporty dad and boys and girls thought he was great. I think you both need to be on board. Many years later we’ve been invited to weddings, get hugs all round when we meet them and honestly love seeing them. Our hospitality has been the gift that has kept on giving.

Hatty65 · 02/10/2025 20:01

We were the teen house. A lot of it is down to location, size, ease of access and how sociable your teens are. We had a large house by the sea, a big garden and I am unphazed by lots of teens around, having taught for donkeys years. (Not in the same school as my own!)

I'm happy to feed anyone, and have a pantry like a prepper. Mine could all cook and would put pizza or pasta on and do their own catering. Because we have a large family there were always crisps and snacks about, and I'm pretty tolerant. As long as my hostessing duties are limited to saying, 'Hello love, nice to see you again,' and disappearing upstairs with a book I don't much care who is in the house. DH is the most easy going person in the world and doesn't appear to mind crowds.

The DC had decent friends who were polite and well behaved and they pretty much policed themselves. Apart from a lot of quarrelling over MarioKart which appeared to cause arguments there was little hassle. I remember when one of the World Cups was on that DD1 was just finishing A levels and loads of them hung out here constantly, went down the beach, came back and watched a teatime game whilst polite 18 yo boys BBQed stuff they had brought and offered me a glass of wine when I walked in from work at 6pm as well as having cooked my tea! That was fairly fab.

I recently met a 30 something Army Major who said, 'I used to come to your house as a teenager and ate a lot of crisps'. I remember him as a constantly starving 16 year old with hollow legs.

clipboardz · 02/10/2025 20:02

@DinaofCloud9 so back in my day we didn't have to hang in a park because you could get into the pub underage or go clubbing. The house we all went back to as a group was the one closest to the nightlife with parents who were often away. Who wants to be woken up by overexcited teens at 2am! 😆

Singinginthewindow · 02/10/2025 20:04

We are that house. Mostly I love it. We live rurally so I’d much rather know where everyone is.
Things that make it work for us
1 lots of space (inside and outside)
2 Food and drinks freely available
3 A VERY relaxed attitude- if you want to have lots over you have to accept sometimes they are noisy, sometimes messy. Although I have to say they are mostly very respectful.

4 Don’t interfere with stuff unless they ask

There are definitely times I wish they’d go away but it’s great being a part of their lives and can be lots of fun. Some ask for advice on all sorts of things, help out with pet care when we go away and feel like part of the extended family. There have been one or 2 occasions we’ve had to lay down rules but it’s never really been a problem

unsurewhattodoaboutit · 02/10/2025 20:04

I don’t know how we cultivated it but it became that house to my daughter’s friendship group of 12 girls! I guess we are easy going, the house has room, we are welcoming and don’t judge.

twistyizzy · 02/10/2025 20:06

We are that house!
Ironically the smallest of all DDs friends' houses ie 3 bed semi.
We did it by hosting mass sleepovers (there are 5 in her close friend groups) and treating them like people.
Oh and snacks, lots and lots of snacks

I love having them all over, sitting in the kitchen jabbering with them and hearing them laughing. My home was never like that when I was growing up so I'm just pleased we can do it for DD.

Pricelessadvice · 02/10/2025 20:08

My mates parents house was that house. It helped that they went to their caravan most weekends and left my mate in the care of her older sisters (who bought our drink and partied with us) so we basically had a party house every weekend 😅
Happy days!

Vitriolinsanity · 02/10/2025 20:12

I love teens, they’re a breath of fresh air. DC’s friends are respectful and fun. I push off and leave them to it, typically with pizza they can warm up etc.

I am welcoming, but certainly not “cool mum”. They overstep and they’re told.

ExperiencedTeacher · 02/10/2025 20:12

PaddingtonBlah · 02/10/2025 17:48

We've been that house at times.

Some of it is circumstances - we've got plenty of space indoors but rubbish outdoor space, so in the summer the houses with nice hot tubs/pools/gardens etc were more popular. Each of my children have their own bedrooms, we have a playroom and big open plan living space. It would be very different if there were younger siblings sharing rooms who need to go to bed earlier etc.

Mine always have friends over, have sleepovers here etc.

I think it helps that we've made it clear it's ok to invite people, we will give lifts, provide food, bedding etc as required.

I always have snacks in store, things like crisps and dips, pizzas and wedges etc.

I don't massively mind about things like shoes on or off and food/drinks upstairs and try to be flexible and accommodating rather than sticking to a timetable etc.

This is us. We’re very flexible, the kids know their friends are welcome here and will always be fed, given lifts etc. My dd’s friends are ND and I’m always happy to adapt dinner to suit their needs.

dontcomeatme · 02/10/2025 20:12

Don't show off or performative parent when their mates are there. Your DC hate it and won't bring their friends ever again x

grafittiartist · 02/10/2025 20:24

Oh this is what I always wanted! My husband wasn’t really on the same page though- so it never happened.

EverybodyLTB · 02/10/2025 20:27

My house is the teen house. I give them the living room and leave them almost entirely alone. We’ve got a comfortable kitchen diner so I don’t mind giving up the living room. Only allowed Friday-Sunday, everyone staying needs to shower, I don’t have kids straight from school as I can’t stand dirty uniforms in my house. The reason they come, I believe, is there’s rules but it’s worth it to have unlimited food, all the telly subscriptions and gaming options, and be left alone. There’s cupboards full of snacks and ice cream in the freezer, but they have to have a proper dinner first and I’m a good cook, I insist on hand washing and all that and it’s always accepted. I’m strict but relaxed, anyone needs to go home or dropping off or whatever will be looked after. Medication for one needs an eye on and I’m on top of that and communicate with their mum. No complaints and can’t seem to get rid of them, nobody seems to go any other houses! Sundays I say nobody’s leaving till the living room is back in one piece, hoovered, dusted and aired, laundry brought down and not one of them moans.

BlouseyBrowne · 02/10/2025 20:28

Be centrally located so it’s easy to walk to. Have a space where they can hang out away from the family. Provide loads of food at all times.

Peclet · 02/10/2025 20:33

Snacks
warmth
sense of humpur
know when to back out

indoorplantqueen · 02/10/2025 20:46

I grew up in that house. I always had friends over, 2 night sleepovers as teens. My parents were very accomdating, did lots of driving me and my friends around. My childhood friend is still my bf and she has come on holiday with her kids and my family and stayed in the same house. I want my dd to have that too so her friends are always welcome (well 90% of the time).

Cactus12 · 02/10/2025 21:00

I think we are for DD2 but not for DD1 - partly because DD2 is a real homebody anyway so would rather her friends come here! I’ve always made a habit of saying yes to sleepovers, friends staying for dinner, giving people lifts home etc. So the DC know they can invite friends over without asking first- often I get home from work to a massive pile of shoes in the hallway!

RockyRogue1001 · 02/10/2025 22:59

It's the ones who are ok with them smoking weed, isn't it

TalkingToDogs · 02/10/2025 23:24

RockyRogue1001 · 02/10/2025 22:59

It's the ones who are ok with them smoking weed, isn't it

Edited

Fuck no! No weed allowed here EVER!

ninjahamster · 02/10/2025 23:28

Mine just always felt comfortable bringing people home I guess. Right from when they were really young we often had extras at dinner. I have 4 children born within six years so they were close in age. I remember when they were all at primary school, my DH came home from work one night and we had 11 for dinner 😂
It just carried on into their teens, even now they are in their twenties and on my birthday their friends will text me!

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