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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

13 yr old daughter is out of control

39 replies

Higgins79 · 19/09/2025 01:46

My youngest daughter has been placed on a compulsory supervision order by the children's panel. One of the main things they said is she's not to stay at, her dad's house. But she keeps going there. She gets to do what she wants at his house and has been taking ketamine and weed & even cocaine recently. She goes missing and travels miles away. And she's not attending school. Even though she only goes for 2 hours 4 days a week. I've tried everything to help her but I'm out of options and feel like giving up. My mental and physical health has went right downhill and I feel I'm losing the plot. Any advice would be appreciated thanks

OP posts:
sashh · 19/09/2025 06:10

Sorry you are dealing with this.

It's not something I have dealt with so I can't do much more than hand hold.

Can you report her dad to the police? Giving drugs to a child is pretty low.

Gingerkittykat · 19/09/2025 06:13

That sounds terrifying and your DD is clearly at risk.

What is the social work plan for her?

Do the police know her dad is supplying her with drugs?

BunnyRuddington · 19/09/2025 06:38

How terrifying for you. I haven’t got any experience of extreme behaviour like this but just wanted to offer a virtual hug Flowers

ComfortFoodCafe · 19/09/2025 06:40

You need to take her far, far, far away from the places she can access drugs. Move to the other side of the country with no public transport if needs be.
i know easier said than done, but a addict will always keep going back unfortunately you need to make it nigh on impossible for her.

greengreyblue · 19/09/2025 06:40

This sounds terrifying What do you think the reasons for her behaviour are? Has she always been difficult to manage? Are you able to speak to her dad?

greengreyblue · 19/09/2025 06:41

Gingerkittykat · 19/09/2025 06:13

That sounds terrifying and your DD is clearly at risk.

What is the social work plan for her?

Do the police know her dad is supplying her with drugs?

She didn’t say he was.

pinkdelight · 19/09/2025 07:11

That is an absolute nightmare. What’s your situation finance/job/home wise? Are you in any position to move away somewhere for a fresh start or to send her to a residential school or anything extreme to deal with how extreme this is? Does she need some kind of rehab/intervention? Is she having therapy? It sounds terrible for you but please don’t go to pieces. You’ve got to get her away from the drugs somehow. Get all the support you can and hang in there.

BunnyRuddington · 19/09/2025 07:32

I read the OP again and I couldn’t see where she had said that her ex was supplying the drugs.

pinkdelight · 19/09/2025 08:37

BunnyRuddington · 19/09/2025 07:32

I read the OP again and I couldn’t see where she had said that her ex was supplying the drugs.

I've not assumed he was but it's certainly possible to read this that way:

She gets to do what she wants at his house and has been taking ketamine and weed & even cocaine recently.

i.e. she gets what she wants at his house, even drugs. But whether that's the case or not, he's clearly part of the problem as she's been banned from going there, but that's not beig enforced.

OP, I don't know what the deal is with those supervision orders, but as she's breaking the terms of them, what's the next official step that kicks in?

LoyalMember · 19/09/2025 09:08

pinkdelight · 19/09/2025 08:37

I've not assumed he was but it's certainly possible to read this that way:

She gets to do what she wants at his house and has been taking ketamine and weed & even cocaine recently.

i.e. she gets what she wants at his house, even drugs. But whether that's the case or not, he's clearly part of the problem as she's been banned from going there, but that's not beig enforced.

OP, I don't know what the deal is with those supervision orders, but as she's breaking the terms of them, what's the next official step that kicks in?

Show quote history

That only really means she's unsupervised at his house, and he's not keeping a close eye on her. It's a hell of a big leap to say the dad's supplying the drugs, ffs.

pinkdelight · 19/09/2025 09:13

LoyalMember · 19/09/2025 09:08

That only really means she's unsupervised at his house, and he's not keeping a close eye on her. It's a hell of a big leap to say the dad's supplying the drugs, ffs.

Show quote history

As I said, I never made that leap, just explaining how a couple of others might have done understandably, and as the one of the main things the children's panel have ordered is for the DD not to stay at her dad's house, it's a weird angle to step in defending the dad here. Children don't get banned from their dad's home for him 'not keeping a close eye'. There's evidently more to it.

But that's not the point anyway. Have you any advice for the OP on how to handle this frightening situation? She needs to stop the DD going to her dad's - and the rest of it - whether he's involved in the drugs or not.

Blushingm · 19/09/2025 09:15

pinkdelight · 19/09/2025 08:37

I've not assumed he was but it's certainly possible to read this that way:

She gets to do what she wants at his house and has been taking ketamine and weed & even cocaine recently.

i.e. she gets what she wants at his house, even drugs. But whether that's the case or not, he's clearly part of the problem as she's been banned from going there, but that's not beig enforced.

OP, I don't know what the deal is with those supervision orders, but as she's breaking the terms of them, what's the next official step that kicks in?

Show quote history

I read it a bit like you - that the dad is allowing drugs to be taken whilst at his house

LoyalMember · 19/09/2025 10:06

pinkdelight · 19/09/2025 09:13

As I said, I never made that leap, just explaining how a couple of others might have done understandably, and as the one of the main things the children's panel have ordered is for the DD not to stay at her dad's house, it's a weird angle to step in defending the dad here. Children don't get banned from their dad's home for him 'not keeping a close eye'. There's evidently more to it.

But that's not the point anyway. Have you any advice for the OP on how to handle this frightening situation? She needs to stop the DD going to her dad's - and the rest of it - whether he's involved in the drugs or not.

Show quote history

Fair comment. My advice, for what it is, would be a clean break to somewhere far away, probably rural, to get away from dealers, temptation, etc.

ByGreyWriter · 20/09/2025 08:27

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

allwillbe · 20/09/2025 15:21

Been in this situation with our dd drug wise. Advice as to go and live in the country is pointless there are drugs available everywhere. Snapchat is the app that mine used for drug buying - just to give parents a heads up. The main thing that helped us was trying to find out why the behaviour was happening. So sorry you are going through this- we did get help from social services. Phone everyone you can - charities, social services

THISnewbeginning · 20/09/2025 15:28

What else have SS advised?

I would be contacting them / the police every time she goes to his house

Fwiw I was this kind of teenager and I came through the other side

Original poster
Higgins79 · 20/09/2025 19:23

Yeah her dad had been giving her some cocaine and she got ketamine somewhere else he tried to justify it by saying is it not better that she gets it from him so he can monitor what she's taking!!
I haven't involved the police so far as I think that will add more pressure on my daughter so she's not allowed to go to his or stay, as the Compulsory supervision order states that she stays with me for the next year at the very least also she has to start attending school and can't get iin trouble with the police again for fighting

OP posts:
Original poster
Higgins79 · 20/09/2025 19:28

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

She gets to do what she wants at her dad's. There's no routine or structure there so I can understand the appeal of being there. Me and my 2 daughters, my eldest is 15 and wasn't attending school or going anywhere cis she has bad anxiety, are living at my mums house at until we can get our own house and the trouble is causing bother on the house as my mum is 75 Yr old and doesn't need this going on. But my eldest came back to me in November last year and now attends school on an almost full timetable and she has started to volunteer at weekends in a local roman museum and she's doing great. So I'm hoping the youngest settles down and starts to take inspiration from her sister

OP posts:
Original poster
Higgins79 · 20/09/2025 19:32

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

She's not addicted to any of the drugs thankfully. She has done it a couple of times so I think I've managed to nip it in the bud before it goes any fitter.
I was an addict myself years ago and she's aware of this and I've spoken to her about the situation and I think I've got through to her about the dangers of drugs and what they can lead to

OP posts:
Jellyx · 20/09/2025 19:33

The CSO will regulate her residence to be with you. But it won’t be a legal order to say she ‘must not be at dads.’
Please protect your child by contacting the police when there is a crime affecting your child- the drugs are super dangerous.
this isn’t about putting pressure on your child but about PROTECTING her from her father. If it was a drug dealer rather than her dad would you contact the police? At the moment they’re one and the same…
I am very familiar with the Scottish system so feel free to PM.
I suspect there’s lots of other things going on for your daughter.

Original poster
Higgins79 · 20/09/2025 19:37

greengreyblue · 19/09/2025 06:40

This sounds terrifying What do you think the reasons for her behaviour are? Has she always been difficult to manage? Are you able to speak to her dad?

She used to be such a quiet lovely natured girl. She was bullied terribly for 2 years and never fought back and one day she found the strength to stand up for herself but this led to her getting in a few bad fights smand she got charged with assault each time (none of the girls who assaulted her repeatedly over the 2 years were ever charged!!) she came out as gay last year and cutbher quite king hair to a short style which she totally rocks btw lol
So I don't know if she's struggling with her sexuality and maybe this is the reason for her behaviour. She says it's not but I think it is a major factor she needs to find out who she is and what her place is in the world if you know what I mean?

OP posts:
Original poster
Higgins79 · 20/09/2025 19:45

pinkdelight · 19/09/2025 08:37

I've not assumed he was but it's certainly possible to read this that way:

She gets to do what she wants at his house and has been taking ketamine and weed & even cocaine recently.

i.e. she gets what she wants at his house, even drugs. But whether that's the case or not, he's clearly part of the problem as she's been banned from going there, but that's not beig enforced.

OP, I don't know what the deal is with those supervision orders, but as she's breaking the terms of them, what's the next official step that kicks in?

Show quote history

The children's panel can put her into care if she doesn't start sticking to the plan they set out for her.
I feel like an absolute failure but believe me I have tried everything that I possibly can but she's just butting heads with me constantly. The order is for 1 year but they want a review in 3 months to see how it's going. She did go to school on Thursday. She only goes fom4 days from 10.50am until 1.15pm and on a Wednesday she goes to stable life where they work with her to learn different strategies to avoid certain situations. I think working with horses, brushing, mucking out and riding is therapeutic for some unruly kids. School are getting an educational psychologist in to do some work with her so fingers crossed that help too

OP posts:
Original poster
Higgins79 · 20/09/2025 19:48

I just want to say thank you for all your responses and help. I'm very new to this site and I hope I'm doing everything right? Am I?
I do really appreciate you taking the time to reply to my post
🙏❤️

OP posts:
THISnewbeginning · 20/09/2025 19:50

Wow her dad actually gave her cocaine .... that is fucking awful

Original poster
Higgins79 · 20/09/2025 19:54

Jellyx · 20/09/2025 19:33

The CSO will regulate her residence to be with you. But it won’t be a legal order to say she ‘must not be at dads.’
Please protect your child by contacting the police when there is a crime affecting your child- the drugs are super dangerous.
this isn’t about putting pressure on your child but about PROTECTING her from her father. If it was a drug dealer rather than her dad would you contact the police? At the moment they’re one and the same…
I am very familiar with the Scottish system so feel free to PM.
I suspect there’s lots of other things going on for your daughter.

Thanks for your response. I want to tell the police and social work but as I have now managed to get her back staying here and starting going into school again I'm monitoring her very closely and she's not got the chance to go there or out to the city 30 miles away to hang with the folk giving her ketsnine
If I was to find out this has happened agun I won't hesitate to call the police and throw him under the bus
I know people will think I'm a bad mum but I can't really explain the whole situation and why I haven't done this yet

OP posts:
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