13 yr old daughter is out of control

[Higgins79]

My youngest daughter has been placed on a compulsory supervision order by the children's panel. One of the main things they said is she's not to stay at, her dad's house. But she keeps going there. She gets to do what she wants at his house and has been taking ketamine and weed & even cocaine recently. She goes missing and travels miles away. And she's not attending school. Even though she only goes for 2 hours 4 days a week. I've tried everything to help her but I'm out of options and feel like giving up. My mental and physical health has went right downhill and I feel I'm losing the plot. Any advice would be appreciated thanks

I'm sorry OP but by not telling the police when you know that her father is supplying her with class A drugs, you are failing her terribly.

I suggest you call the police right now. Your child is in serious danger. Why on earth do you want to wait until she takes ketamine again before you do something?

You do need to talk to her social worker about what’s happening - they can’t work with you to keep her safe if you don’t. Yes there’s a risk she’ll end up in care, but the risk to her is much higher if she continues with drugs in the way she is.

Are there contact arrangements in place for her to see her dad even on a supervised basis? That might take away the need for her to keep going over there. What supports are in place for you and her in the wider plan?

She's still allowed to see him but monitored by me. So if for example he has friends in his house or if I think he's under the influence of anything then obviously I won't allow her to visit. She likes to go over to see the dog too but she's starting to understand how serious things are so let's see how it goes.
Social work are trying to out other support in place but she doesn't want to engage with these people. - like youth justice and children 1st. These are also on a voluntary basis so she has the power to say no to them. I'm going to enrol her in football staining as she likes football so that might be a positive thing for her. And she can also start to make friendships with a different group of people when she goes there. I tried to get her to the Dr's to be assessed for adhd as I'm certain she does have it but she refused to come so I've spoke to her about it and she's aware that I'm going to make another appointment for her.
She was so happy on Thursday after going to school for the couple of hours and she even did some work rether than mess around in the class she goes to. It's called G5 and it's a class where they cover all the core subjects with kids who maybe struggle to be in normal classes etc. She's missed a lot of school through the bullying and she's clearly way behind on her learning so although she doesn't admit it I know she struggles with some of the work. When school get the educational psychologist in to work with her hopefully they can get to the bottom of things and then things might be clearer ion her head if she understands why she's behaving like this
Am I doing this reply thing right? I hope I am lol

She won't have the opportunity to go up to the city with the "friends" she was hanging out with and we're getting the ketamine. And believe me she knows not to touch any drugs again no matter who offers her them.
She was the 2 that tops the social worker about trying the drugs and was very open with him and with me about it all. It was sa weight lifted off her shoukders.
She's not been taking the drugs every weekend or anything like that. She tried ketamine once and the come thing with her dad was on 2 occasions where there was the opportunity for her to take a little line. She hasn't touched anything again since
I know people won't understand my decision on this but there are other factors in this which I can not discuss or explain. But there are genuine reasons for the way Im having to handle this in the way I am

I'm sorry but there is no excuse good enough, no matter what it is.

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion and I respect yours and appreciate it and all the other replies. I've not said that I won't tell the police or her social worker. Im just not doing it right at this moment to try and get my daughter in the right emotional state to be able to give a statement etc. She's not in a good place mentally atm and I know that this is going to be very hard for her to deal with. So although people don't agree with my decision I know my daughter and I know her dad after being in a 20 year relationship with him and being split up now for 5 years but we have maintained contact and a relationship with him because at the end of the day both girls still love their dad. When he's on track he's a good dad but he has a lot of demons and things he needs to deal with himself but he finds it difficult. I wish I could go into all the other factors on this but there's too many and some are extremely sensitive. I know if I involve police right now it's going to be the thing that pushes her over the edge because she's not able to deal with it. And I know I shouldn't give two hoots about him but I do because I'm a compassionate and caring person who doesn't want to destroy him because this will absolutely break him right now and I don't think my girls could cope with the grief of losing their dad tight now.
I swear to you that I will address the issue with the correct authorities but I won't be forcing my daughter to go through that situation right at this moment because she won't be able to handle it
I need to make sure her head is in the right place to feel strong enough to go through the process. I recently found out she was self harming and it breaks my heart
Sorry that you don't agree with how I'm handling this but obviously you don't know me or my ex partner and the things that have happened and also what he's capable of. He's a very bitter, twisted, devious and jealous man. There certain ways I need to go about things where he's involved.
I appreciate your feedback thank you very much
I will update on here when the time comes when she's strong enough to tell the police etc what's went on
I'm sorry you don't agree and can't understand my decision but it is my decision and I need to handle it this way

It is! When I found out I couldn't stop crying and he's lucky that he lives 7 miles away from me and I dont have transport and there were no buses at that time of night!!
He's very bitter and nasty because he didn't like the fact that I had began to see another guy (4 years after me and him separated!). So since then he's tried to destroy me and dragged dny name through the mud. He tried to turn the girls against me and succeeded for a little bit. My eldest finally realised what was happening and she came back to live with me. She's thriving now. But my younger girl gets sicked in with him giving her money and buying her things. He's tried everything to keep the girls from me because when he realised I was still standing and standing strong after everything he threw at me so he knew the only other way to get to me was by getting the girls to hate me! Absolutely childish and disgusting behaviour from a 55 Yr old man!
Every argument or disagreement always goes back to me going out with a guy he knew! I've tried telling him that he's helping her to throw her life away because he doesn't encourage her to go to school and that bit it's like talking to a brick wall! She thinks the grass is greener over there but like her big sister she will finally realise - I hope???

It sounds really difficult.
Social work can request a review of the order at any time but family / your daughter need to wait 12weeks to review or if no-one asks for a hearing it will be reviewed in one year.
There should be a young persons planning meetings occurring at school -
please use any supports available at school.

please make sure you have your own supports - even if it is using mumsnet or listening to advice on YouTube / Spotify. Your daughter needs you whether she likes it or not.

The actual ADHD diagnosis won’t make much difference - unless it’s on the extreme side and medication would be benifical. In the meantime - you can adopt strategies used for those with ADHD.

Is she involved with county lines or being sexually exploited? What is the deal with going mikes away. I feel for you I don’t know what I would do really.

I'm not thinking of a diagnosis as an excuse for her behaviour but I genuinely do think there's an underlying issue and maybe that's the reason why she finds school so difficult. She is quite immature for her age and I know every child is different but there is a massive gap between her and her sister although they are only 18 months apart in age. She never used to be any bother though until she started being bullied constantly for 2 years and school and the police done absolutely nothing to help her. She never fought back at all and she took some pretty bad hiding and kicks to the head. So I wonder if the bullying has something to do with everything too. She found her strength one day and fought back and now there's girls wanting to fight her all the time. That 1st time she fought back she was charged with assault although not 1 of the girls who assaulted her over the 2 years of daily beatings were ever charged even though there was video evidence of it each time. I hate how they all film fights and post them online it's disgusting