DS17 wants ADHD assessment

[TeenAssessment]

Agghh wrote a long post and lost it!

In summary my lovely DS17 says he thinks he may have ADHD - specifically an attention deficit profile rather than hyperactivity. I agree that he exhibits some common symptoms, but I am not certain.

He is increasingly struggling with education now he's at 6th form, and did underperform at GCSE due to a lack of effort/focus. He doesn't have a history of behaviour problems at home or school but he is a 'space cadet'.

He said to me - which slightly broke my heart - "I want to know if I have ADHD or if I'm just lazy."

We have close family members with ADHD diagnosis - including DH's sibling (and likely one of DH's parents) and a nephew on my side of the family.

Do we pursue an assessment? Is he just jumping on a bandwagon fuelled by the TikTok algorithm? Even if he is, should we get an assessment anyway to put it to bed one way or another?

He has requested your help to know.
Help him while he is still a minor, harder after

I would encourage him to go through the information on ADHD and explain why he thinks he has it. The fact that he says I want to know if I have ADHD or am lazy to me suggests it is something more because truly lazy people don't care about being lazy.
When you are clever/more intelligent (not sure a better way to put it) it's easier to cope at a younger age because you can just rely on deadlines to learn information in school but as you get older the work becomes more complex and you can't just get by but equally it is so hard for the ADHD brain to study.

I'm in my early 30s, didn't get my diagnosis till I was 30 but I was very much the same as a teenager. I would encourage you to take it seriously and consider a referral.
Please also note that we are still very much at a stage of under diagnosis in the general population. Any talk of false diagnosis or too many people getting diagnosed is just shitty journalists wanting click bait and a society that is realising it doesn't want to actually change to support disabled/neurodivergent people.

There’s no harm in an assessment. Either he is or he isn’t, and knowing helps you work out strategies either way. In the meantime, looking up and implementing strategies for ADHD management may help - there are a lot of them!

Your DS sounds similar to mine.
I suspected my DS who's just gone into 6th form, had ADHD a couple of years ago as he was getting into trouble at school due to impulsive (but not hyperactive) behaviour and lack of focus and engagement in class. He's been a high achiever at school, for example passed his 11plus and was in the top 20. But in the last 2-3 years has been "lazy", unmotivated, disengaged in most subjects, the teachers commenting that he is day dreaming a lot of the time.
Just after he finished his GCSEs he was finally diagnosed with ADHD through CAMHS. He will probably benefit from medication to achieve his potential, we are due to attend a medication meeting next week to discuss.

Yes harder to diagnose once he's an adult to I'd persue.

If you have close family members who have it and he is a “space cadet” I’d pursue assessment.

the meds have made a massive difference to my daughter. Diagnosed age 19

Thanks all for the helpful and supportive replies.

@GhostLivesHere 100% agree with you - especially as he's generally not one to ask for help, so I absolutely do not want to knock him back when he's asked for support.

@Nn9011 - I think that has been exactly the case for him when he was younger and school was more 'spoonfed'. Now he has to work under his own initiative more, he's struggling. And completely hear what you are saying about under diagnosis.

@DataColour sounds very familiar. DS didn't get in trouble for impulsivity, but he was regularly in detention for forgotten equipment, being late, homework not done etc.
@whatsagoodusername - yes I've started talking to him about strategies, will look into this a bit more.

@Octavia64 glad your DD has been helped by medication 🙂

What's the best next step for us then? GP? I'm worried they will roll their eyes and say not another one!! We could probably afford a private assessment of we needed to. He's not 18 till next summer so we have a bit of time.

Is he just jumping on a bandwagon fuelled by the TikTok algorithm? Ill informed attitude - probably resulting from your own SM algorithms.

He's asking for your help, your job is to help him. Why would you not??

I went to the GP and the school. They both gathered evidence and the school submitted the referral. It took about 1.5yrs after the submission to hear from CAMHS and then another 6 months for the assessment process and final diagnosis.

Thanks - sounds like if we want to know before the end of A-level we'll need to seek a private assessment. I will get in touch with college and arrange for him to speak to the GP.

I don't really use SM other than here TBH - I did used to use TikTok a lot and it told me I probably had ADHD 🤣

I suppose I was interested to hear the range of views/experiences of teens seeking ADHD assessment and ama aware that the 'bandwagon' view is one of them.

There is a really good book 'Driven to distraction ' which I bought for my son who has innatentive ADHD. He finally got diagnosed at university and it transformed his life. We got a private diagnosis as the waiting list was 2 years.

@TeenAssessment

My DD (now 18) was diagnosed by the NHS with ADHD and Autism. My DS has always struggled with focus at school (he’s 15 now) but I confess I missed the signs with him as he presented so differently. After low mock grades and lots of detentions he asked me if I thought it was worth an assessment.

the waiting list (even through right to choose ) was so long and I wanted to get the bottom of it either way pre GCSEs so my lovely DM paid for the assessment process privately (through psychiatry UK) and he was diagnosed. It could have gone either way but like your DS he never asks for help so I wanted him to feel as if I was listening.

He has now been on medication (you don’t have to opt for that but I had seen how much it had helped DD) and says that his concentration and focus has really improved.

I think it’s definitely worth looking into if he’s struggling with focus. You won’t get the eye rolls if you go private either 🙄

It happened

I would get him the assessment. I had an undiagnosed learning disability and ND that went undetected for almost 18 years and my school years were really awful not receiving any of the support or understanding that I needed. I spent my whole childhood believing I was stupid because I struggled with what everyone else seemed to be able to do really easily. When I got my diagnosis I found it empowering to know that I wasn't stupid and unclever, I just learn differently to everyone else and those needs weren't being met, my difficulties weren't a reflection of my abilities. I'm now also on the waiting list for an ADHD assessment after my mental health team referred me (it wasn't even something I considered) and they believe I should have been referred years ago but is yet another case of slipping under the radar and not getting the diagnosis I should have had as a child. If it helps him understand himself and feel better in himself then I think do it

Thank you for sharing your experiences @beasmithwentworth and @ChaoticandClumsy.

@beasmithwentworth I may ask grandparents for some help with the diagnosis. Have heard of Psychiatry UK so will investigate.

@ChaoticandClumsy sorry you went through that. I really don't want my DS thinking he's lazy or stupid if there is actually something else going on. Just noting your username - my DS is also 'clumsy' but I wonder if that's part of it.

If he is very clumsy have a look DCD dyspraxia, it can co-exist with ADHD and make you more likely to have other learning difficulties or ND

What exam access arrangements does he have in place?

Yes my mum and sister (who both work in early years) used to say they thought he may have dyspraxia, although he is excellent at video games and has no sign of language processing issues etc. He didn't struggle or learn or understand at school - but he struggles to complete work on time etc. He does struggle with balance, but played in sports teams when younger. It is definitely something to consider as part of the wider picture though.

Do you mean does he have any additional time etc? There is no diagnosis or recognised need at the moment so he doesn't have anything like that.

I got told yesterday there is a 5 year wait from start to finish at the moment. This came from someone who deals with the assessments .

You have family members with adhd and he's struggling. I think an assessment is a very sensible idea.

My DD was always "bright" but suffers from loss of focus/inability to orgainse work/inability to concentrate unless it's one on one teaching. Her GCSEs were OK, but I basically had to organise her revision for her and sit with her whilst she did it.

She is not formally diagnosed but I worry about A levels.

I have been reading up on neuroelasticity and things that can help. Essentially, just as exposure therapy can help those suffering from OCD by getting the brain "used to" fear and panic, certain "exercises" can apparently develop neural pathways which then helps with this sort of inattentive ADHD.

Has anyone had experience of this or has it been suggested to you by in lieu of medication?

Ds was diagnosed at 20 years old - privately, through what turned out to be one of the clinics involved in the BBC investigation - despite this, the medication changed his life - he just couldn’t believe the difference. He limits his in take as they affect his appetite and because we didn’t get an NHS diagnosis, he has to pay for his meds. He’s joined the NHS list as the meds are very expensive.

This. I really feel for him. ALevel and Uni are when the wheels tend to come off the bus for undiagnosed ADHD. Get things rolling for him now.

I wasn't diagnosed until my forties and diagnosis makes a huge difference, I can't even describe it. It also allows access to medication but more importantly it takes away so much self-loathing and allows people to find strategies and ways of doing things that work for them, rather than trying stuff that works for other people.

Oh I haven't seen the BBC investigation. I'll investigate. Having looked at Psychiatry UK it seems they transfer the prescription to your GP eventually but not sure this would still need to be paid for privately or not on a long term basis.

Yes uni is something else driving me towards assessment. As things currently stand I would be very worried about him going to uni, incurring loads of debt but not getting a degree at the end of it.