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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Teenagers- spoilt or normal?

92 replies

PowderPants · 26/08/2025 08:00

We are on the holiday of a life time- Safari and beach.
The kids are 16 and 15 years and were involved in the choice and were excited.
However between them one or other is continually sulky or sullen. It’s really putting a dampener on things. One spent most of the time asleep in the safari vehicle and had to be woken to see lion! We really are in tropical paradise and I can’t decide if this is normal or I have raised two spoiled brats. They broke me at breakfast this morning as they squabbled over a hotel waffle so I have left them to it! I have skuttled off to lie on the beach….. it’s not exactly a tough life but it’s such a shame they are ruining things.

OP posts:
piscofrisco · 26/08/2025 08:10

I think it’s fairly normal unfortunately. I have two and two smaller ones and I think we have managed maybe one family day out in the last year or so that hasn’t been ruined by one or the other one sulking about something. People will be along to tell you how spoiled they are and how their teens would never act like this. But for all of those ones there are plenty that do. It’s worth attempting a calm chat with them about how it’s your holiday too and they are taking the piss, entitled and need to learn to rein it in as they are nearly adults and that’s what you have to do as a grown up Person. But don’t be surprised if it doesn’t land. Your point will be made and they may just consider it later if not immediately.
Other than that absenting yourself from them as you have done is the a best bet. Tell them where you are, tell them why ‘because this is also my holiday and you are being intolerable’, give them a time they need to be ready by for whatever you are doing later and say you expect them to be so or they won’t be coming and there won’t be a discussion on it.

Cliffedge25 · 26/08/2025 08:15

While that behaviour is infuriating, I definitely would have done what you did op and I’d have scuttled off leaving them to it.

Pfff it’s so bloody challenging admittedly.
What a bloody AWSOME mum you are though, really brilliant.
I hope you can enjoy the rest of your holiday xx

Notsurewheretostarthere · 26/08/2025 08:17

Totally normal. And mine sleep very late usually, I would have struggled to stay awake in a safari car myself. Lions or not!

GreenAndWhiteStripes · 26/08/2025 08:17

I think this sounds pretty normal too OP, try to let it float over your head so it doesn't spoil the holiday for you.

SaltAirAndTheRust · 26/08/2025 08:18

Spoilt. I went to South Africa when I was 16 with my family and wouldn’t dream of doing this! Falling asleep on safari would’ve been the kicker for my parents

Uberaddict · 26/08/2025 08:20

Posting from an expensive holiday which my 12 and 14 year were involved in choosing. Have expected to be waited on hand and foot for the first week and ruined Sunday and activity that I had planned for months with low level bickering. Yesterday were mainly vile. Bored of it

MellowPinkDeer · 26/08/2025 08:20

this is 100% the reason why my teenagers will only be going on ‘holidays of a lifetime’ when they are adults and paying for themselves. I work far too hard to have miserable kids ruining things like this. You should have left them at home , one day they can go themselves and they will appreciate it so much more.

tumblingdowntherabbithole · 26/08/2025 08:20

I don’t agree that this is normal in the slightest - if I’d ever dared behaved that way on holiday I’d have been given a proper bollocking - and rightly so.

moggerhanger · 26/08/2025 08:21

I have no doubt that my two would be the same. We've just spent a week camping (that they wanted to go on) and I was driven nuts by the inability to get up and get going in the mornings, the whining about lack of phone charging facilities, the general stropping. Solidarity, comrade.

user1492757084 · 26/08/2025 08:22

Spoilt.
Manage to get them to sleep earlier each evening from now on; they are over tired.

Original poster
PowderPants · 26/08/2025 08:24

Ah. Thank you. They can sometimes be delightful and kind. One teen in particular is being foul this holiday though:
They spent 10 days on an activity camp immediately before we left was exhausted upon return, and is spending an inordinate amount of time on their phone when we have WiFi- I do wonder if they have found love 🤣. It’s the only thing I can think of.
I have tried the whole “this is my holiday and you are ruining it for me” chat but doesn’t seem to have landed.

OP posts:
TwoLeftSocksWithHoles · 26/08/2025 08:25

Well, I think once you've seen one lion, you've seen them all, really!

Having said that, the only lion I have ever seen was called Lenny and had Terry Hall's hand stuck up somewhere inside him.
And that was the height of entertainment in my day. 🙄

WifeOfAGemini · 26/08/2025 08:27

Normal. They are grumpy teens.

I remember going on a holiday I desperately wanted to do with my parents age 15 but they were so horribly embarrassing I think I probably sulked all week. I couldn’t bear to be seen in public with them - even if “public” was just eating breakfast in our B&B. Luckily it was a mountain hiking holiday so when we were on the mountains I was able to relax - no one for miles around - and they got a better side of me.

Ironically I still love being up in the mountains and I have incredibly fond memories of that holiday where I behaved like a brat!

They put up with me, although I must have appeared to miserable and really wrecked things some days. I felt awful afterwards but I never said sorry because I get too ashamed to admit my bad behaviour.

Be patient, there’s a hormone war going on.

CheeseWisely · 26/08/2025 08:29

Forgive me if I’m stating the obvious but have you actually sat down spelt it out to them? ‘This is the type of holiday that few people are lucky enough to get, it cost XXX which was XXX hours of work for your Dad and I, and we want to enjoy it and remember it all, even if you don’t. So either shape up and start appreciating it and engaging with us or you can stay in the room throughout and it’ll be the last trip we’re taking you on’.

It might change nothing, but it might give them pause for thought, even if it only sinks in later.

SisterMargaretta · 26/08/2025 08:30

I think its normal. My DC are a couple of years younger and they squabble quite a lot on holiday. I think they're just not used to everybody spending so much time together in usually close confines. Teens do tend to need quite a lot of time to themselves. I remember going to Florida with my DPs when I was 16. It was a great holiday but I remember being overwhelmed with so many days out etc so I did spend a couple of days at the villa myself whike they went out to places. I'm sire your DC are still getting a lot out of the experience.

Shakeyourbaublesandsmile · 26/08/2025 08:31

My older teen does this and is left in the accommodation alone - their choice

The ‘big’ holidays will be booked when they are old enough to appreciate them

I mentally list stuff DH and I will do when we either have a weekend away or semi retire

MinnieCauldwell · 26/08/2025 08:31

I wouldn't have got away with that as a teen, and we only got a week in a caravan or Pontins. No 10 day activity holidays or Safaris. So yes, maybe spoilt/entitled. Hormones not an excuse.

Floranan · 26/08/2025 08:33

Do what I did, leave them to it, I assume your somewhere they can be safely left ?

we were on holiday they bickered and sulked for 4 days and I’d had enough I was exhausted so was DH. We were staying in a rental cottage so no different from leaving them at home. They had both pre holiday expressed interest in doing a glass blowing experience (but they had sulked through other things they liked the look of so ? . Anyway me and DH went it was amazing came home 4 hours later with our efforts and they were well but out, I shrugged and went and changed for dinner, ordered them pizza and went out to a fancy restaurant.

next day said we were going to wherever it was there’s food in the fridge see them later and walked out. They were changed people !

piscofrisco · 26/08/2025 08:34

In which case just take yourself off and give them a time you expect them to be ready for dinner or any non negotiable activities. Tell them if they want to come with you to the beach or whatever they can, up to them, but not if they are going to be arsey.
And as pp said, don’t take them again until they are a bit more mature.
I thought I’d cracked it this year after a period of calm at home. We chanced a whole family holiday (to Cornwall, I wasn’t risking further afield) and I ended up coming home a day early with dd1 as dd2 refused to sit in a car with her for the 5 hour journey home (they were due to leave together a day earlier than the rest of us as they were going away with their Dad). And that was due to DD1 who is 19 and really should know better by now, kicking up about a cup of tea dd2 has got her that wasn’t right in some way, causing a huge drama and then sulking instead of apologising. She has been told she won’t be coming on holiday with us again until she can be the adult she should now be and I’m sticking with it.

Original poster
PowderPants · 26/08/2025 08:36

CheeseWisely · 26/08/2025 08:29

Forgive me if I’m stating the obvious but have you actually sat down spelt it out to them? ‘This is the type of holiday that few people are lucky enough to get, it cost XXX which was XXX hours of work for your Dad and I, and we want to enjoy it and remember it all, even if you don’t. So either shape up and start appreciating it and engaging with us or you can stay in the room throughout and it’ll be the last trip we’re taking you on’.

It might change nothing, but it might give them pause for thought, even if it only sinks in later.

Edited

I have sort of (as in you are extremely lucky/vastly expensive holiday etc) but I strongly expect if I threatened to leave them alone in their room with a phone and WiFi they would simply be delighted. And poor behaviour/sullenness seems to be directly correlated to time on a screen so really wouldn’t help overall. Although it would give me a lovely day to go paddle boarding and snorkelling with my husband without them. But I want to spend time with them and share the experience with them. Conflicted!

OP posts:
piscofrisco · 26/08/2025 08:40

But if you keep cajoling them to come they will feel they are doing you some sort of favour and it won’t curb their behaviour OP. Honestly just go and have a nice day with Dh. All being well they may then be more amenable to going out for a nice dinner with you later having had a day to do whatever they want, even if in your view it’s a waste of a day somewhere amazing.

CheeseWisely · 26/08/2025 08:41

@PowderPantsTake their phones with you? Would be a terrible shame if you accidentally dropped them off the paddle board though WinkWink

In seriousness, definitely don’t miss out on the things you and DH want to do, even if it does mean leaving them behind. There’s no sense in all of you wasting the opportunity for the want of making family memories that don’t sound like they’ll be very good ones anyway x

turkeyboots · 26/08/2025 08:44

Expensive trips are wasted on that age group, and safaris often have very early starts which isn't great for teens. But am sure they'll appreciate more than they let on and will be boasting at school about their lion encounter!

Octavia64 · 26/08/2025 08:44

Mine were like this as teens.

although honestly, I’ve been on safari and you do dawn and dusk drives and there’s a lot of hanging around in between. It is genuinely quite hard to keep awake when you’ve got up at 4am.

we did the “this holiday costs a lot etc” and just got back that they weren’t enjoying it and next time please could they stay at home.

they were delighted to be left in their room with WiFi.

we started doing our own weekends away.

zaxxon · 26/08/2025 08:45

Sounds normal to me, although you're sure to get posters here saying, "Oh goodness no I would never have tolerated such brattish behaviour, and lo and behold, my DCs have turned out 100% perfect while everyone else's are total nightmares, so there!"

I've found things tend to get better on the last couple of days of the holiday - maybe because the end is in sight, maybe because they're more rested & acclimatised, maybe because they're tired of missing out, who knows? So you may yet have a good day or two.

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