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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

DS 18 bullied and not able to have a normal teen life - advice please.

32 replies

Basilandparsleyandmint · 22/08/2025 08:17

My DS 18 has had a problem now for about a year. He has just finished sixth form with no real friends left.

The reasons for this vary from fall outs over girls. Not blaming the girls at all please understand.DS had a relationship with a sixth form girl that now goes out with an ex friend. Another lad and he fell out due to relationship break up with the daughter of a family friend and the lad cannot tolerate her coming to our home with parents. Said boy as taken to threatened other boys that have since had a relations with this girl. It’s all very childish reasons for disliking my DS as far as we cannot understand.

However the problem is that these boys have all taken their dislike to the next level. They have chased my son around our town in cars trying to get too close etc. DS cannot go into our local town to the pubs at the weekend as he has been followed / videoed and told to leave as he will be punched if he stays.

last weekend he was again followed in a car with two of these boys who then parked outside our home shouting. This is not the first time they have been outside our home. I went out to see them but they denied who they were. The driver has a personalised plate with his initials so not very bright.

My DS has stopped attending football as the older brother of one of these boys has made threats to him as well.

DH and I just don’t know what to do - he is living a life no 18 year should. He was meant to be leaving for uni so we thought a fresh start but unfortunately it will not be going this year now.I had thought about contacting the police but DS is afraid it will make the situation worse.
Any advice would be most welcome.

OP posts:
pinkpony88 · 22/08/2025 08:33

You 100% need to contact the police. I know he thinks it will make it worse but it won’t get better on its own.

Original poster
Basilandparsleyandmint · 22/08/2025 08:39

Thank you for your reply. So upsetting for him. When I think back to what I was doing at 18 and see how these boys are impacting g on his life and limiting it so, it infuriates me.
He isn’t perfect but my goodness he doesn’t deserve this.

OP posts:
PinkZebraStripes · 22/08/2025 08:43

You need to skill him up with the correct actions to take when being threatened with violence.

The correct actions not to take (I.e.the wrong actions) are to respond with violence.

You are very lucky your DS has not broken so far and responded with violence. That speaks to his character.

It would not be an unexpected response from a young man to lose his shit over being threatened on an ongoing basis so well done for his maturity.

The correct actions to take would be to document everything in writing and continually report incidents to the police. Model the behaviour of reporting to the police to him.

While they may not take action if they don't have evidence, it opens up dialogue with the police. They should also be able to give him advice - be there on the call or with him and ask what advice do they give him for how to respond.
He will feel more confident that there's a different world away from these people. He might also feel more confident in telling them to just move on.

XelaM · 22/08/2025 08:45

Move him out of the area asap!!

Original poster
Basilandparsleyandmint · 22/08/2025 08:50

XelaM · 22/08/2025 08:45

Move him out of the area asap!!

Edited

How can I move him out of the area? I cannot just pack him off alone and without family.

OP posts:
MamaElephantMama · 22/08/2025 09:03

It sounds like a bad area.

I would move my whole family well away from it all but in the mean time I would get a ring door bell to record them turning up and make reports to the police.

Is he working?

I would have stood up to the toe rags by now.

Original poster
Basilandparsleyandmint · 22/08/2025 09:12

I do not want to disclose where we live but we are in the U.K as that could be rather outing but it’s not a terrible area that you will be imagining.

We have a ring door bell ready and will be getting dash cam’s for his car.

We are not wanting to move for many reasons but especially not being pushed out of my home from harassment from teen boys.

OP posts:
Original poster
Basilandparsleyandmint · 22/08/2025 09:14

Sorry yes he has good job - he didn’t make his uni grades but is working towards an extra qualification that will boost his UCAS points.

OP posts:
TooHigh · 22/08/2025 09:19

You must call the police before this escalates any further. Trying to run him over with a car is extremely serious as is threatening violence.

TooHigh · 22/08/2025 09:20

And if these teen boys are 18 they are adults. I actually think you are minimising this because it started in school. This is really serious and I would take him to the police station today if you can!

Cinaferna · 22/08/2025 09:22

Are these boys from the kind of families that wouldn't care that they were tormenting your son, or would the parents be horrified? If the parents are normal, I'd have a chat with them. And with the football coach. And, as others have said, the police.

Try to reassure your son that this is not normal and it won't last. If he isn't able to go to uni this year, he will be able to do other things. It wouldn't be a bad thing for him to work away from home and realise there are some decent, normal people out there. Maybe he could get away for a couple of months, just until things have cooled down and moved on. Google gap year jobs abroad or volunteering programmes. He could get some experience, make some new friends of a better standard than the old ones, get fit and gain confidence and work experience.

My rule in life that I've tried to instil into DC is: if anyone treats you badly - friends, partners, colleagues, bosses, raise the bar. Move not just on, but up. More intelligent, kinder, ethical friends, lovers, bosses, better salary etc. Always move up out of the scum layer they exist on.

CrotchetyQuaver · 22/08/2025 09:25

I would contact the police, this is harassment surely.

ChewyMints · 22/08/2025 09:27

I absolutely would be fucking moving. I would. Because even if I didn't want to, it's likely that would resolve the problem and I have a better chance that I could control that resolution, rather than relying on the police, and the ability of teen boys who smell victim to back off

Needs must.

Pancakeflipper · 22/08/2025 09:27

Hello

I am in agreement with calling the police. And I'd be thinking of contacting a solicitor to see what they could suggest. Your son shouldn't be living under threat.

FartSock5000 · 22/08/2025 09:30

@Basilandparsleyandmint could he join a local karate or boxing club?

Something to help him make new friends and boost his confidence?

The bullies will stop when he has new friends at his back.

He also needs to not hide. Report the big brother threat at football club. Record the abuse on his phone and report to 101. They won't stop as long as he is acting like a victim keeping quiet.

Pancakeflipper · 22/08/2025 09:31

ChewyMints · 22/08/2025 09:27

I absolutely would be fucking moving. I would. Because even if I didn't want to, it's likely that would resolve the problem and I have a better chance that I could control that resolution, rather than relying on the police, and the ability of teen boys who smell victim to back off

Needs must.

But surely going to the police is something you can do now ?

Moving house (selling or renting),moving jobs, other family members like siblings etc is a huge upheaval and cannot be done quickly.

Starlight40 · 22/08/2025 09:38

Could he go to uni through clearing this year? My son didn’t want to go to uni last year but then suddenly decided to and applied in September and left 4 weeks later.

Starlight40 · 22/08/2025 09:39

Could he go to uni through clearing this year? My son didn’t want to go to uni last year but then suddenly decided to and applied in September and left 4 weeks later.

Starlight40 · 22/08/2025 09:39

Could he go to uni through clearing this year? My son didn’t want to go to uni last year but then suddenly decided to and applied in September and left 4 weeks later.

Starlight40 · 22/08/2025 09:39

Could he go to uni through clearing this year? My son didn’t want to go to uni last year but then suddenly decided to and applied in September and left 4 weeks later.

Original poster
Basilandparsleyandmint · 22/08/2025 10:20

FartSock5000 · 22/08/2025 09:30

@Basilandparsleyandmint could he join a local karate or boxing club?

Something to help him make new friends and boost his confidence?

The bullies will stop when he has new friends at his back.

He also needs to not hide. Report the big brother threat at football club. Record the abuse on his phone and report to 101. They won't stop as long as he is acting like a victim keeping quiet.

Thank you, yes agree that hiding is making him the victim and it’s making these, I call them boys but they are 18 and adults feel
more powerful.

it’s a small town that we live in and his circle
is small.it’s the sort of town that those that stay and don’t leave live a small town life and their attitudes stay small.

he has this morning accepted a clearing offer for uni which is a massive boost for him. He just wants to get away.

OP posts:
beAsensible1 · 22/08/2025 10:24

Basilandparsleyandmint · 22/08/2025 09:14

Sorry yes he has good job - he didn’t make his uni grades but is working towards an extra qualification that will boost his UCAS points.

Can he do a foundation year instead he can leave?

are you sure he is telling the truth about what happened with the girl? It’s weird that so many other people getting involved? Have you spoken to her or heard anything from anyone else.

you do need to call the police if he is being stalked and harassed repeatedly as the behaviour isn’t dying down and could get more dramatic

flightissue · 22/08/2025 10:35

Honestly if it is as bad as you describe I would be 1 contacting the police and 2 moving my whole family. Your son going off to uni is great but he is not going to want to come home.

Original poster
Basilandparsleyandmint · 22/08/2025 10:42

beAsensible1 · 22/08/2025 10:24

Can he do a foundation year instead he can leave?

are you sure he is telling the truth about what happened with the girl? It’s weird that so many other people getting involved? Have you spoken to her or heard anything from anyone else.

you do need to call the police if he is being stalked and harassed repeatedly as the behaviour isn’t dying down and could get more dramatic

Edited
Show quote history

I have an appointment this afternoon to discuss this at the local police station.

i am not sure what you mean bytelling the truth about the girl.

i sadly expected a comment or two along the tone of your message assuming that perhaps my DS wasn’t as straightforward as I am trying to portray him.

its hard on a forum as you don’t know me and you can only go on what I tell you. That’s okay I understand. :)

OP posts:
Bumdrops · 22/08/2025 10:50

He’s going to UNI -
fab !!
so glad to hear he will escape this appalling situation -
you sound like you have been an incredibly supportive mum in very difficult circumstances