Self-harm - did you remove the tools?

[Ginflinger]

Hello

We've been advised by CAMHS to remove all blades / sharps from DD room, as she's self harming.

DD says this will not stop her and she will absolutely just find something different to use.

what did you do in this situation, and did it work?

Thank you. And solidarity to any other parents or there going through this. It's hell.

Yes remove it.

the trickier you make it to self harm the longer the period of time between the impulse and the action and the less likely it is to happen.

camhs may also suggest substitutes such as twanging hair bands against wrist etc.

Yes. This isn’t all you need to do though.

Does your dd want to stop? Ask her about when the urge tends to strike- particular time of day etc? Then can you sit with her in those times.

If she doesn’t feel ready to try and stop she could try rubber bands - she can put one round the wrist and ping it hard when she feels she’d like to cut.

I was actually always told not to, because that’s how it escalates. What type of tools is she using? It’s so hard to navigate I hope you’re all doing ok.

Thank you.

If you removed the tools, did your child find other means of hurting themselves?

She's used needles, pins from backs of badges, pen lids, safety razors, pencil sharpeners. It seems impossible to remove it all.

my daughter was similar and I did used to hunt them out but it never made a difference and I certainly didn’t want her progressing to knives etc. I just ensured she had alcohol wipes and plasters etc so that any wounds could be kept clean and covered if needed. We go through stages now .

My mam removed my tools and I ended up damaging the nerves in my thigh with a juice blender. I then went on to burn myself with the hob flames. Please don't remove her tools.
Create her a safety kit. Mine were always in a special pencil case I kept in a draw. Sterilised blades, bandages, gauze, germolene etc. Show her that you understand this is something she needs right now, you are NOT condoning it, but you want her to know that you care for her and her wounds. Ask her to please tell you every time she self harms, not for punishment or judgement, but so you can monitor the wound for infection, help with self care and talk about what trigger led to the new cut. Ask her not to use the same tool twice, or try and find something random to use. I had an infection in my shin caused by a pencil sharpener. I had to have a wound debridment and it was horrendous. Sorry you and your DD are going through this 🫶

Look at calm harm and send the link to her.

Check her mobile and whether she is accessing harming information online, being bullied, etc.

Put restrictions on her mobile, limit hours on social media, get her out for exercise, etc.

what is the trigger; hormones, self steam, bullying, harming information online?

Best of luck.

After my DC told me about the self harming My DC was able to come to me (mostly) when she felt like self harming and she would punch a pillow/hit things/sing at high volume and developed other strategies.

i can’t say it was easy being woken up at 2am by her holding a blade from a pencil sharpener and asking me to help her but much preferable to her not being able to tell me.

For people who has self harmed why does it happen? Is it anger? Extreme emotions? Hormones? Bullying? Low self steam?

Is this something many teens go through?

I self harm daily. If people remove the tools, I find a different way. Even in hospital under section I have found a way to self harm daily.

It is really impossible to remove all risks.

I hope you are ok x

I think it depends on the reason for the self harming behaviour.

We were told by CAMHS not to remove the tools and so for I while I did nothing. Then one day I searched my daughter’s room and removed everything. It was heartbreaking- razor blades, pencil sharpeners pulled apart and blood soaked shirts. I then cleaned her room thoroughly and left it looking nice.

I was worried about her finding out but she simply said ‘you found my stuff’ and she then stopped using blades. Everything not solved overnight and she still used her fingernails in anger to scratch herself visibly afterwards but it was so much better. CAmHS said it was probably a cry for help in her case and she was relieved to have the adults take charge again.

Thank you for your honesty. I hope you find what you need xxx

It’s now a couple of years on and she’s back in school studying and is also getting treatment on her healed scars. Things are not perfect but are so much better.

Thank you so much for your advice. I really appreciate it.

Thank you. Really helpful to hear your experience. All the best to you and your daughter.

Thank you for a hopeful story. Xx

Absolutely do it.

My parents never did, they were just cruel to me. When I first told them what was happening their response was “well what if you get an infection and can’t sit your GCSEs?”, and then when I went back to a bad place mentally I remember my mum shouting at me in the Sainsbury’s car park that “oh here we go again, the pencil sharpener comes out again”, and various other horrible comments about my mental health

I didn't remove, but we had many many chats about hygiene and safety. I knew if I had done, they'd just find something else.

They knew they could come and talk at any point and there was no judgement.

Cahms told us to remove them but we had been to a private psychologist before we got the cahms input were told not to as removing them would only lead to my son finding more extreme methods. It's really hard, I like others on the thread bought wipes, plasters, bandages and asked to see just to check for infection/ , cuts weren't too deep. My son mainly used pins. He did use a razor blade once but I think scared himself so he let me remove those but I left everything else. It's really really hard not too be upset, exasperated and emotional about it but I had to learn to be very matter of fact so he wasn't doing and trying to hide it. His harm has decreased and at the moment when he does it is less severe but he's only just turned 14 so I know that at some point it may ramp up again. The calmer more settled periods do give me hope that he hopefully will at some point find different ways to cope with his emotions.

I'm so sorry this happened to you xx

We removed the blades and locked sharp
knives and medication away. I hate the implication that if you miss one it would be your fault if they self harm. When asked if I could keep dd safe I replied ‘no. If she wants to do it, she will’. They made me sweep the house for blades. They suggested it would take a few hours. I looked incredulous. It actually took nearer 48 hours. And there were still areas I missed. Before we removed them we had done the safe wound management as well. Dd didn’t realise dried blood represented a hazard, even though it was her own. For us, the cuts were always quite superficial, even though they bled a lot. She eventually stopped self harming but it took about six months to break what had become a coping strategy for stressful situations and strong emotions.

I do understand the idea that you can’t remove the risk altogether, but you can make it harder for them to do it on impulse.

Why?!?

Extreme overwhelming emotions. Everything feels like the end of the world. I have a very traumatic childhood.