Snapchat is making my teen unhappy

[Snapchatremoval]

I am not an expert on snapchat but I believe post stories there; My teen has been very down a few times; saying they don’t have any friends, they don’t get invited to things.

They do have a few nice friends. I know I need to tell my teen to not believe in everything social media tells you as it makes you think everyone is having more fun, going to parties, having boyfriends, girlfriends, etc.

Will I be unreasonable to restrict snapchat?

How old are they?

How old are they?

my 14 yo won’t touch Snapchat because she’s very aware of how easy it is for bullies.

14

Is there a way to put restrictions on it? So they can still use it and be safe?

I am getting very concerned with this social media stuff and all the dangers. Tiktok, snapchat, robblox, do I have to worry about you tube?

How do I keep my child safe? It is exhausting. I already put restrictions on their mobile phone, keeping an eye, doing things with them.

Since the social media genie is well and truly out of the bottle by the teen years I think that it's cruel to prevent teens from using it. It ostracises them from their peers. Your teen is still going to be aware of other teens doing stuff they're not invited to even without seeing snaps of it.

I think lots of conversations about social media being a highlights real of people's lives. Go looking for examples of influences where they show the real behind the scenes set up and work they put into it. There are families of youtubers my kids used to watch years ago all having apparently amazing times, where the kids, now older teens and young adults, are now talking about how their real lives looked and felt behind the fake highlight real.

Also give them more of a push to get out and have fun with the friends they do have.

In terms of safety - use it yourself for a week or two and find out. That's my best advice! And lots of open and frank conversations about interacting with strangers online, keeping communication on the platform it started on eg not going to WhatsApp with someone from robblox, not sharing personal information including in backgrounds of photos, doxing, being sent unwanted images etc...

But one practical piece of advice for Snapchat is to turn ghost mode on, so it doesn't share your location.

But I think that the best way to keep kids safe is to know that they will come across awful stuff online and make sure that when they do, they know that they can tell us anything without us getting upset or angry. It's not only the content that's harmful, it's more that the teen feels like they're dealing with their response to it alone because of guilt/shame/embarrassment/fear. That's the bit parents can help with most

I hate snapchat so much.

I am amazed we are letting it poison our kids minds. My 13 year old is absolutely addicted to it - I have used every control going to limit /block it at various times and he has got through every single one.

he just can't let it go, he feels he needs to be able to check it day or night.

There is literally nothing anyone could tell me that i haven't tried other than complete removal of the phone which is of course a possible step but a nuclear option - given it is how he communicates with friends and he will then be so angry I fear he would start looking to buy himself a 2nd phone - I'm just waiting really for him to click he could do that if he saved his money.

such a fucked up world we are raising our kids in.

@PothasProblem everything you say is correct - except one thing missing - addiction. This app is addictive by nature and encourages this through 'streaks' and other ways of making children feel they have to be on it all the time.

It is sad the impact this is having on our children.

I have put some restrictions through Apple family share and spoken to DD of the dangers of it.

All you can do is discuss with teens how addictive it is, and how it works to make you feel you have to keep checking it. explain what that does to them neurologically.

Get them to keep a score of their mood when checking it often and during and straight after non-screen based activities like swimming, hiking, kayaking, running, roller-skating, cycling, playing board games, baking cakes, to help them see how much better they feel when they are engaged in something more fulfilling and less addictive.

Encourage them to have some time consuming hobbies that keep them away from their phones. Something to keep them fit, something creative - music or drama or art, something that makes them feel connected to and contributing to the wider world - volunteering at church or via Duke of Edinburgh or a local group.

Remind them that it is never a true picture of anyone's happiness or state of mind or the fun they are having and that it is too easy to compare your one life against all the apparent 'fun' everyone else is having and think you have no friends. But the reality is very different.

I insisted phones and laptops were charged at night downstairs so DC could get some sleep - after 10.00pm on school nights, later at weekends. This got harder as they got older and into 6th form, but at age 14, I could insist.

I was talking to a police officer about bullying in school he said that Snapchat was the number one bane of their lives and it caused nothing but upset and if he could it would be the single thing he would immediately remove if he could. Needless to say my 12 year old doesn’t have it.

This is true. I think they need some boundaries and restrictions but they also need to learn to look after themselves and is our job to guide them, talk to them, keep an eye. It is not an easy task raising kids with all the impacts of mobile phones and social media.

I grew up in a country that wasn’t very safe, my parents talked to us about keeping safe, we have a curfew, etc but they never stopped us going out.

Thanks; yes, lots of communication needed. I took my foot of the gas, until I noticed how it was impacting her. I am now on the case, with lots of talk and some restrictions and she is happier; but it caused me some stress and anxiety to see how much this was impacting her and how vulnerable kids are. It was a wake up call.

As a secondary school teacher I can inform you that it's known as 'Fucking Snapchat' by our safeguarding leads.

The amount of stress and damage it causes is legendary.

Do you ever convey this to the pupils? Are there sessions about online addiction and SM effect on MH in PSHE? If so, does the info sink in at all?

We obviously don't use the phrase 'Fucking Snapchat' but yes. Massive amounts of information is given in Enrichment lessons, Computing and Assemblies as well as in tutor times.

We spend a huge amount of time warning teens about online safety, online bullying, mental health issues and Snapchat. They mentally eyeroll and ignore it all until everything goes tits up and they are weeping in someone's office.

The info does not sink in, because they think they know better than teachers or parents. But a disproportionate amount of time is spent dealing with Snapchat incidents.

You are right. I know schools provide lots of information, sadly it goes through one ear and comes the other. I always knew but it only hit me when I noticed how unhappy it was making my child. It has been stressful couple of weeks but I am glad it happened as it made me take action, also inform myself and had lots of chats with her.

I always talked to them about online safety, etc, but it only sunk it when it impacted my child, kids are so vulnerable at that age and rely on us parents to keep them safe and keep an eye.

You can put restrictions on through Snapchat itself - family centre. I use family link for time limits/ downtime etc. Stops them having to look at it 24/7. In most of Europe the age for social media is 16 anyway. I don't buy it that putting restrictions/ phones is 'unfair'.

My teens have got to age17 and 14 without ever having Snapchat or instagram or TikTok. And they haven’t died or become social outcasts.

they have WhatsApp but are only allowed to connect to people they know IRL.

Controls work only with children who dont actively try and remove them.

They are all absolutely useless against a determined child unfortunately. There are whole communities of kids online sharing info on how to get round them.

That’s one app I won’t let my 14DD have, it’s not even up for discussion.
I’m hoping by the time she’s 16/18 it won’t be cool anymore.
I think it’ll be hard to get rid of snap now she has it but maybe offer a swap?!

Well done to all the parents that stayed firm and put their children safety first restricting it. I did not realise who dangerous and damaging snapchat could be.

I let my 15yo have it and now wish I hadn't. I also think you should be able to turn Streaks off, which would make it less addictive, and less hurtful when someone drops you and you lose your streak 🙄

It's also terrible for feeling you're missing out - everyone posts Snapchat Stories of parties etc. I hate it, but my daughter felt she was missing out without it ☹️

Why does your child have it? It came out when I was a teen and I’m 30! It’s for nudes and abuse.

What makes Snapchat different from other social media/where is the specific danger - what do I need to look out for? My daughter uses it sparingly with a few select friends, I frankly don't really understand what it does apart from making weird selfies to send around and I fear I may be missing something. I am (now) aware that she gets lots of unsolicited contact attempts from boys, which she luckily is open about, she laughs them off and blocks/ignores. (Wouldn't have allowed it if I had understood that that is possible)

It's the younger generation's WhatsApp though - WhatsApp is now for old people apparently!