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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

DSD Touched by boy in School....

32 replies

Boymummy2015 · 03/07/2025 11:35

Hi All

My 14 yo DSD told me last night that there had been an incident in School yesterday involving another boy in her School year.

She has told me that he began touching her leg & making inappropriate comments, she has told him to stop twice and he persisted, she then removed his hand from her leg and again told him not to touch her, which this the boy has told her he will will "do what I want your community property" the incident was witnessed by another boy in her year and the boy involved has then proceeded to "brag" about it to other boys in the year and tell them in my SD's vicinity that he will do it again there's nothing she can do!

Needless to say myself and my DH are fuming and disgusted by what has happened. SD seems to be ok but she did seem a little shaken when she told me last night.

I have taken her to School today and been in and spoke at length with the head of year and my SD has now provided a statement, the boy involved (I believe) has been placed into isolation for the day and the other boys who were aware of the incident have also given statements......

We are upset, angry and quite disturbed by the incident and the comments which the boy has made in order to "justify" his actions are imo quite disturbing and we don't feel this is just a case of a young boy maybe having a little crush on my SD or trying to look "cool" infront of his friends.The comments he has said to us indicate a general outlook and opinion that he has control over women or his "community" do and as such can do what he wants regardless of how it makes women/girls feel...... with this in mind my husband wants to report it to the Police as a Sexual assault and take this matter further in order to ensure the boy is dealt with. I haven't told the School this at the minute as my husband mentioned this after I had been in to School this morning and I had left it for them to conduct their investigation as they are doing.

As a bit of a back story my SD has had an unsteady upbringing when at her mums and no longer has any contact but due to the environment at her mums she did get cut off from us for a few months a couple of years ago and wasn't attending School... we have since got full care and moved Schools to our local area 18 months ago & she has really settled in well and the last 9-10 months we have seen her really flourish again and come out of her shell to be the beautiful, confident and fun loving teenager she should be so we are a little concerned that this could potentially set her back.

Any opinions/thoughts on this and how best to deal with it moving forward are welcome.

OP posts:
FusionChefGeoff · 03/07/2025 11:55

I would also be keen to report to police - to show her how unacceptable it is and that you have got her back. As well as to sort the little shit out

Berthatydfil · 03/07/2025 11:58

Police 100%. This young man needs to be educated on consent.

whatwouldwear · 03/07/2025 12:00

Definitely report to police. Push the school as much as you can, i would the boy permanently excluded and for DSD to never have to sit in a room with him again

whatwouldwear · 03/07/2025 12:02

Berthatydfil · 03/07/2025 11:58

Police 100%. This young man needs to be educated on consent.

That doesn’t work. He’s 14 it’s not as if he doesn’t yet understand the concept of consent it’s just that he doesn’t care or think young girls deserve it. You’re not going to educate that out of him.

Cerialkiller · 03/07/2025 12:06

It sounds like you all did an amazing job. I always feel like the most important thing here is that dsd sees you and her dad have her back. This is doubly so considering her past issues with her mum.

It's a hard lesson about men/boys at 14 but can be used as a great opportunity to talk about safety, consent and danger etc.

I would praise her bravery for coming to you and recognising there was an issue that needed adult attention. She did really well, I'm so glad you are there for her.

Honon · 03/07/2025 12:08

I wouldn't report it to the police as what will likely happen is they'll take statements and then take no further action whatsoever. It won't be a good experience for your dsd.

It's scary how many young men think this behaviour is okay.

Berthatydfil · 03/07/2025 12:09

Sorry I was being ironic and missed- I meant educate as in “educate” via police action as its clear he doesn't care.

EvelynBeatrice · 03/07/2025 12:11

Definitely report to police.

You’d be doing the boy a favour too. If he doesn’t learn boundaries now and that on the whole Andrew Tate doesn’t reflect society’s views or law, he’ll end up in jail.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 03/07/2025 12:11

That's a sexual assault and he was given permission to do this by the manosphere.

School need to ramp up their sre curriculum

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 03/07/2025 12:12

@Honon they wont lock him up, but is he has a chain of accusations like this then that might tip the CPS to prosecute if there's a future offense

EvelynBeatrice · 03/07/2025 12:13

By reporting it even if no action is taken, it’s on the record.

Id also put in writing formally with school and request in writing their plan to safeguard your daughter and other girls. Also question if attitudes exhibited by the boy suggest he’s a child at risk of radicalisation - Prevent etc.

FatherFrosty · 03/07/2025 12:13

Your poor dd
i too would want the police involved in this

EvelynBeatrice · 03/07/2025 12:13

Sadly you’ll need to be the squeaky wheel as otherwise many schools won’t act.

morbidd · 03/07/2025 12:14

Do report this to the police. This needs stamping out and you have to worry what will become of this creature if he’s left to continue such behaviour.

Incakewetrust · 03/07/2025 12:16

100% report to police.
Your SD will see that all sexual harassment and assault is taken very seriously and is not to be brushed off.
The boy also needs to be shown that what he did was awful and a criminal offence. If he doesn’t learn now, what he does in future could be catastrophic.

Whosenameisthis · 03/07/2025 12:21

Honon · 03/07/2025 12:08

I wouldn't report it to the police as what will likely happen is they'll take statements and then take no further action whatsoever. It won't be a good experience for your dsd.

It's scary how many young men think this behaviour is okay.

I disagree. Even if the police take no criminal action it may help SD- even just reporting may help her feel like she’s done something, and not just given in or let it happen. It will also stress the point that she is believed and supported, and he is in the wrong.

hopefully the police will take a statement in a sensitive way. They will usually have specially trained officers.

i would make sure she knows that while the bar is unlikely to be high enough for any sort of prosecution, he will have the police report on file and if he escalates, which tbh with that sort of attitude it wouldn’t surprise me, he report might help get him put away sooner rather than later and protect other girls.

PhilippaGeorgiou · 03/07/2025 12:22

I would both report it to the police and insist that it is dealt with by the Prevent team. That in incel speak, and not an isolated nasty comment - this young man may be a nasty piece of work right now, but he is also almost certainly a victim too. Incels are targetting young men, and it is now a recognised problem. The "ordinary" police may not do anything, but the Prevent team may well take it more seriously.

MedievalNun · 03/07/2025 12:27

Another one saying report to the police. It may be the first time he’s done this, or it may not be, but his comments are seriously concerning and need to be stopped. Unfortunately, it seems the only way this will happen is if the police / SS are involved (& potentially Prevent, as serious misogyny is a form of radicalisation).

Give your DSD a big hug, she did the right - and a very brave - thing in telling you. As did the boys who backed her up btw.

Original poster
Boymummy2015 · 03/07/2025 12:35

Thank you all I really appreciate your advice on this.

I fully support my DH on reporting it of course but I do have concerns of the Police brushing it under the carpet or not taking it serious and we are hot on teaching her to have respect for herself and her body. With 2 young boys also we want them to grow up to respect girls and women and ensure they know the boundaries too.

I just worry if the Police do nothing then that can also send a message to kids too that nothing will be done. Double edged sword I suppose.

OP posts:
Itallcomesdowntothis · 03/07/2025 12:35

What a horrible thing to happen! So glad she came to you.

I would stop for a second and ask your daughter what she wants - it happened to her. Her thoughts are important.

Im not sure what the police will do as I really can’t see them arresting a charging a 14 year old boy with assault (although they should).

Push the school. This boy needs to be excluded. If the boy isn’t then tell the school you are going to the police - for a restraining order in best case which would mean he couldn’t come near her and may not involve so much?

Flopsythebunny · 03/07/2025 12:37

Report to the police today

Original poster
Boymummy2015 · 03/07/2025 12:40

We are incredibly proud of her and have told her this and the boys too who have supported her and backed her up shows there are some good lads out there still who know how to conduct themselves I hope my boys turn out just like these 2 superstars.

OP posts:
Agapornis · 03/07/2025 12:51

Report to the police. Even if CPS don't decide to prosecute, they'll very likely be supportive in how they speak to her. Perhaps you could call and ask about the process before deciding to report?

MedievalNun · 03/07/2025 12:52

Boymummy2015 · 03/07/2025 12:35

Thank you all I really appreciate your advice on this.

I fully support my DH on reporting it of course but I do have concerns of the Police brushing it under the carpet or not taking it serious and we are hot on teaching her to have respect for herself and her body. With 2 young boys also we want them to grow up to respect girls and women and ensure they know the boundaries too.

I just worry if the Police do nothing then that can also send a message to kids too that nothing will be done. Double edged sword I suppose.

Tbh, at the very least I think the Police might flag it as a safeguarding concern, if you’re really not sure they’ll do anything, ask for a Prevent referral too. I know up here the police force would speak to the boy and possibly refer him to the Youth Justice team as it’s sexual assault (they seem to now have a card system where they get a yellow for first and then if it’s red it’s court). You actually don’t know if he’s been reported before, but simply getting it recorded also builds a picture.

Also - most forces have an online chat now that you can use for advice; they’ll be able to point you in the right direction.

Sending you all a great big hug, you need it.

Original poster
Boymummy2015 · 03/07/2025 12:57

MedievalNun · 03/07/2025 12:52

Tbh, at the very least I think the Police might flag it as a safeguarding concern, if you’re really not sure they’ll do anything, ask for a Prevent referral too. I know up here the police force would speak to the boy and possibly refer him to the Youth Justice team as it’s sexual assault (they seem to now have a card system where they get a yellow for first and then if it’s red it’s court). You actually don’t know if he’s been reported before, but simply getting it recorded also builds a picture.

Also - most forces have an online chat now that you can use for advice; they’ll be able to point you in the right direction.

Sending you all a great big hug, you need it.

Show quote history

Thank you this is great to know. I do know (through sons football) a women who is a Detective on the safeguarding team with our local force so I might just drop her a message and see if she can offer any advice as well. Thank you so much

OP posts: