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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

GCSE revision before I lose my mind

43 replies

Mickey540 · 27/04/2025 18:55

Hi all one exasperated mom here. I have twin boys doing their GCSEs shortly. One who is taking it seriously and revising however one is more interested in Xbox, going out, seeing friends parties. He is also not the most academic. He did pass one accelerated gcse last year so I know he can if he puts his mind to it. But I cannot get him to do barely any revision without an argument. He is not bright enough to pass without any revision as his mock results have shown.
i have tried everything. Taking things off him. Being lenient. Helping him to do it . Grounding him and I cannot find anything that works.
i am really worried he will fail everything and I am paying extra tuition as well. All his friends are not studying as they aren’t bothered
i am at my wits end today he has done 15 mins if that . Do I let him fail and leave him to it but then as a parent that doesn’t sit right. Any advice who has been through this !?

OP posts:
MagicStarMama · 27/04/2025 18:57

What are school doing? My child’s school have revision lessons and are no longer doing proper lesson work as it’s now all focusing on getting prepared.

loulouljh · 27/04/2025 18:57

You cannot force him. He has to take the consequences of not revising.

Hoppinggreen · 27/04/2025 19:01

I think you can try but ultimately you can't make them revise.
DS could certainly be doing more but he is putting some effort in and wants to do well. His wifi goes off at 10 and he is only allowed on his computer from 8 anyway, he doesn't go to parties and his mates meet for a game of basketball in the park from time to time but thats it. He wouldn't be allowed to do any more right now anyway.
It may be that he is just embracing his role as the less academic more "sociable" twin a bit too enthusiastically. We had a bit of this with DS as his older sister got all 9's but h seeems to have got over it a bit
What does he want to do next? With DS he knows whre he wants to do GCSE's so he wants to do well enough to get there

sgtmajormum · 27/04/2025 19:02

What motivates him?
you mention xbox
if that is a big draw of his attention then remove it and he earns the time to game by studying first.

Hollyaddy · 27/04/2025 19:07

You cant force him. I understand as have a 15 year old doing Nat 5s now. Encourage talk bribe etc but really nothing you can do

Original poster
Mickey540 · 27/04/2025 19:31

MagicStarMama · 27/04/2025 18:57

What are school doing? My child’s school have revision lessons and are no longer doing proper lesson work as it’s now all focusing on getting prepared.

@MagicStarMama still doing classes as usual I think and some after school revision he will do a bit of.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mickey540 · 27/04/2025 19:32

@Hollyaddy i know i agree so frustrating

OP posts:
Original poster
Mickey540 · 27/04/2025 19:33

sgtmajormum · 27/04/2025 19:02

What motivates him?
you mention xbox
if that is a big draw of his attention then remove it and he earns the time to game by studying first.

@sgtmajormum yes do this and take it off him but then he just says I’m not bothered by it so can’t win when doing this 😬

OP posts:
MooseAndSquirrelLoveFlannel · 27/04/2025 19:34

You can't, and shouldn't, force him. Threatening, grounding etc is not the way to motivate someone and all you are doing is creating conflict.

Maybe he'll decide to cram instead, which actually works for some people more than studying over weeks.

Or maybe he won't to any and he'll have to live with his lot.

Either way, he'll be fine. Just make sure he knows, no matter his results that you love and support him.

Original poster
Mickey540 · 27/04/2025 19:36

Hoppinggreen · 27/04/2025 19:01

I think you can try but ultimately you can't make them revise.
DS could certainly be doing more but he is putting some effort in and wants to do well. His wifi goes off at 10 and he is only allowed on his computer from 8 anyway, he doesn't go to parties and his mates meet for a game of basketball in the park from time to time but thats it. He wouldn't be allowed to do any more right now anyway.
It may be that he is just embracing his role as the less academic more "sociable" twin a bit too enthusiastically. We had a bit of this with DS as his older sister got all 9's but h seeems to have got over it a bit
What does he want to do next? With DS he knows whre he wants to do GCSE's so he wants to do well enough to get there

@Hoppinggreen i think he thinks he is going to pass them with little effort but he isn’t and his friends are way too big an influence pressuring him to go out or on x box although he will say they don’t. And yes way too much going on for exam time . He wants to go to college but two levels if get over 4s higher levels or lower level is 3’s I personally think he will settle for that but so frustrating when is highly capable if he puts effort in 😤

OP posts:
Snorlaxo · 27/04/2025 19:36

What’s his plan for September ? I think my son revised maths and English because he didn’t want to retake.

StJulian2023 · 27/04/2025 19:36

Mine is refusing to revise, and is now refusing to attend school too 🤯. I’ve tried absolutely everything. So we’re on to natural consequences here. Don’t think I’ll have the same with younger DC who is very studious.

LemonTraybake · 27/04/2025 19:38

We’re in the same boat. Our son is not at all interested, and we have done all we can - bribed, sanctioned, talked it all through and argued. Its no use and just caused us all a world of stress, so now on his head be it.

Original poster
Mickey540 · 27/04/2025 19:43

StJulian2023 · 27/04/2025 19:36

Mine is refusing to revise, and is now refusing to attend school too 🤯. I’ve tried absolutely everything. So we’re on to natural consequences here. Don’t think I’ll have the same with younger DC who is very studious.

@StJulian2023 oh dear I feel your pain it’s so frustrating and menopause doesn’t help !

OP posts:
Original poster
Mickey540 · 27/04/2025 20:25

LemonTraybake · 27/04/2025 19:38

We’re in the same boat. Our son is not at all interested, and we have done all we can - bribed, sanctioned, talked it all through and argued. Its no use and just caused us all a world of stress, so now on his head be it.

@LemonTraybake exactly us. He is currently lying in bed refusing to do anything. I could cry with him ☹️

OP posts:
Original poster
Mickey540 · 27/04/2025 20:27

Snorlaxo · 27/04/2025 19:36

What’s his plan for September ? I think my son revised maths and English because he didn’t want to retake.

@Snorlaxo wants to go to college. He knowc has to try pass maths and English and having extra tuition but really struggling with maths. He has done some bits maths and English but not a great deal!

OP posts:
Hoppinggreen · 27/04/2025 20:51

Mickey540 · 27/04/2025 20:25

@LemonTraybake exactly us. He is currently lying in bed refusing to do anything. I could cry with him ☹️

Show quote history

One thing that helped us get DS a bit more motivated was getting him to visualise how he would feel when he opens that envelope on results day.
DS's friends aren't the very very academic kids but they are all quite hard working at least and he doesn't want to do worse than them so imaginging how great it will feel to beat some of them is hlping I think.
We have also promised a financial reward for each grade above the Mock Result he gets and he is very motivated by money

Original poster
Mickey540 · 27/04/2025 21:06

Hoppinggreen · 27/04/2025 20:51

One thing that helped us get DS a bit more motivated was getting him to visualise how he would feel when he opens that envelope on results day.
DS's friends aren't the very very academic kids but they are all quite hard working at least and he doesn't want to do worse than them so imaginging how great it will feel to beat some of them is hlping I think.
We have also promised a financial reward for each grade above the Mock Result he gets and he is very motivated by money

Show quote history

@Hoppinggreen yes I have already tried this one and his friends are all not interested he is actually doing the most out of friend group but that is not a lot!
I have also told him I will give him money 🤞 need to see how it pans out ☹️

OP posts:
Hoppinggreen · 27/04/2025 21:15

Mickey540 · 27/04/2025 21:06

@Hoppinggreen yes I have already tried this one and his friends are all not interested he is actually doing the most out of friend group but that is not a lot!
I have also told him I will give him money 🤞 need to see how it pans out ☹️

Show quote history

Oh that is tough.
I think you may just have to "let" him fail and help him come up with a plan B when and if necessary.

loulouljh · 27/04/2025 21:20

We tried money, imagining the results etc. They did not work. My DC did little revision and thought he would scrape through. He passed English x2 and a smattering of others but that was it. This year he has done some level 2 courses plus resitting maths as he couldn't get onto A level courses.

It was hugely stressful at the time I won't lie but he has worked hard this year in a different college environment and will go on to A levels in September. So all is not lost if he doesn't manage to do enough.....(and maybe he just will).

Original poster
Mickey540 · 27/04/2025 21:44

loulouljh · 27/04/2025 21:20

We tried money, imagining the results etc. They did not work. My DC did little revision and thought he would scrape through. He passed English x2 and a smattering of others but that was it. This year he has done some level 2 courses plus resitting maths as he couldn't get onto A level courses.

It was hugely stressful at the time I won't lie but he has worked hard this year in a different college environment and will go on to A levels in September. So all is not lost if he doesn't manage to do enough.....(and maybe he just will).

@loulouljh good to hear he passed some o hope he passes maths but he is struggling I hope he can scrape English. He’s smart but not overly academic more practical. Just stressful knowing you have to pass some!

OP posts:
shelle07 · 27/04/2025 22:14

I feel your pain. This was me last year and it felt like we were in a war zone. It was frustrating beyond belief. He ended up cramming everything in last minute, like literally up all night before each exam. We were beside ourselves with stress. Although DS passed everything in the end, he did have to change his A’Level subject choices because he didn’t get the required grades.
i thought he would have learned from this, and the disappointment when he realised less academic friends had worked their socks off and achieved great results. But somehow now we are back in the same boat over his A’Level mocks! And back nagging him to please prioritise his work. Younger DS is doing his GCSE mocks and he too is trying to get away with doing the bare minimum.
The only thing I have come to learn is that you can only guide them. They have to learn for themselves. You have to maintain your sanity and some times there is only so much we can do, and we gave to accept this. However it turns out, there will always be a plan B, and he can still get to the same destination but it might be using a different path.

I’m interested to learn other responses to your post, as I would love to find out too what are the magic ingredients to this secret recipe!

Original poster
Mickey540 · 27/04/2025 22:18

shelle07 · 27/04/2025 22:14

I feel your pain. This was me last year and it felt like we were in a war zone. It was frustrating beyond belief. He ended up cramming everything in last minute, like literally up all night before each exam. We were beside ourselves with stress. Although DS passed everything in the end, he did have to change his A’Level subject choices because he didn’t get the required grades.
i thought he would have learned from this, and the disappointment when he realised less academic friends had worked their socks off and achieved great results. But somehow now we are back in the same boat over his A’Level mocks! And back nagging him to please prioritise his work. Younger DS is doing his GCSE mocks and he too is trying to get away with doing the bare minimum.
The only thing I have come to learn is that you can only guide them. They have to learn for themselves. You have to maintain your sanity and some times there is only so much we can do, and we gave to accept this. However it turns out, there will always be a plan B, and he can still get to the same destination but it might be using a different path.

I’m interested to learn other responses to your post, as I would love to find out too what are the magic ingredients to this secret recipe!

@shelle07 at least it worked out in the end. I can’t see any last minute cramming going on here but I guess will need to wait and see!
and you are right it will all definitely work out ok in the end it’s just frustrating if he could pass them with some effort but I can’t do them for him so 🤞🤞🤞🤞

OP posts:
cornflourblue · 27/04/2025 22:22

When do his exams start? Agree you can't force them. My DC has first Nat 5 exams this week and doesn't appear to be studying much. I'm just being supportive, as much as I can.

Original poster
Mickey540 · 27/04/2025 22:41

cornflourblue · 27/04/2025 22:22

When do his exams start? Agree you can't force them. My DC has first Nat 5 exams this week and doesn't appear to be studying much. I'm just being supportive, as much as I can.

@cornflourblue 2weeks time is ticking on! Worrying me a bit !

OP posts: