Page 4 | Daughter will answer questions,

ShesAllGrownUp · 2008-05-17T12:05:18+00:00

My teenage daughter says that she is extreamly bored because she cant go out with her friend, its a disaster isnt it ? So i told her she can make herself useful and explain to all us mums what goes on in teenage lifes, So want to know anything just ask a question and she will get to commenting back while i make dinner, Hope she can be as a help..

duchesse · 17/05/2008 14:37

So, to recap about the room thing- is it that teenagers have different ideas of what constitutes mess from their mums? My son leaves all his clothes in folded piles on his sofa bed until he needs something, and then just turfs the whole pile over. It drives me nuts. Why won't he just put them away?

brimfull · 17/05/2008 14:41

dd's gone out now

her bedroom is disgusting,so no use asking her

StripeyKnickersSpottySocks · 17/05/2008 20:24

If you come back Lauren and answer a question I have one please;

My dd isn't yet a teenager but is already very moody, answers back and refuses to do things I ask her. I'm worried its going to get worse as she gets older. I want to have a good relationship with her but still need her to be able to understand that when I say she has to do something (or not do something) she needs to listen to me.

So how do you think mums can have any sort of (reasonable) control/discipline while still having a good relationship. Or is this impossible?

Original poster

ShesAllGrownUp · 18/05/2008 19:06

My dd isn't yet a teenager but is already very moody, answers back and refuses to do things I ask her. I'm worried its going to get worse as she gets older. I want to have a good relationship with her but still need her to be able to understand that when I say she has to do something (or not do something) she needs to listen to me.

So how do you think mums can have any sort of (reasonable) control/discipline while still having a good relationship. Or is this impossible?

A: The only reason we are moody is because we are annoyed with something that has happend in our social life, or something has gone wrong when we were trying to do something, So when you ask us to do simple things we make out that you have just asked us to do something huge, basicly we take everything out on mum, Sorry, But sometimes all we need is a hug from our mum.

Talk to her, But not ALL the time, It can become boring, dont ask questions all the time either, ask a few, Dont say
"How was school" thats just annoying, if something has happend at school, good or bad, we will tel you..

I cant really give you a answer to the disipline/control because every child is different and so different punishments should be used, I guess rewards for doing things is a good way to go, Not all the time, I can remember in primary school my dad would take me out to mc donalds for doing well at school over a certain amount of time, For bigger things bigger rewards such as when i got all level 5's on my primary SAT's i got a new phone, Build trust with your daughter, i can remember not talking to my mum for a week, i told her the person that i fancied at school and by the next day all my friend's mums knew and they had told there kids and then everyone knew, Something i had told my mum as a secret she had used it lightly in conversation, I was really annoyed... If we can trust you we will tell you EVERYTHING, trust builds the mother daughter relationship..

So the answer to your question is, Trust, trust your daughter enough to know that if she got in trouble for something, that she really didnt mean to and that it wont happen again, unless she is the type of girl that is always getting in trouble..

Also,

Dont nag, if you say it constantly then we wont do it..

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Original poster

ShesAllGrownUp · 18/05/2008 19:22

So, to recap about the room thing- is it that teenagers have different ideas of what constitutes mess from their mums? My son leaves all his clothes in folded piles on his sofa bed until he needs something, and then just turfs the whole pile over. It drives me nuts. Why won't he just put them away?

I absoulty hate putting clothes away, i do that just get it when i need it, its boring putting clothes away.. i dont know why just the whole idea is boring

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StripeyKnickersSpottySocks · 18/05/2008 19:23

Thanks for that. Think you have a wise head on young shoulders

nappyaddict · 22/05/2008 18:31

boo hoo this thread is making me sad. i only have 3 months left of teendom.

i agree about the tidy rooms thing. i hate tidying. i prefer to spend my time doing something better than tidying. mine gets done when it gets really bad and even when it's really bad it still only take about 15-20 mins to do it. i don't get what the problem is. as long as its only untidy and not dirty why do people get so het up about nagging you to tidy up? it's your room. it's not like anyone else has to go in it but you!

oh and i could never stand looking the same as others. i have been known to stop wearing clothes if i have happened to see someone else wearing something that i have.

iesha · 22/05/2008 19:41

lol @ stopping wearing clothes, I know what you mean but I have visions of you running around naked because you saw someone in the same top as you.

Interesting reading. These young ladies will go far, a credit to their parents and to themselves.

PickledEggs · 22/05/2008 19:58

If you don't like LYNX on boys, what one do you like? FCUK?

nappyaddict · 22/05/2008 22:10

lol i don't even have to be wearing it at the same time. if i see someone wearing a top that i own it will put me off it.

CapricaSix · 23/05/2008 10:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Disenchanted · 23/05/2008 10:14

Awww you sound like a sweetie

GetOrfMoiLand · 23/05/2008 13:15

I love this thread

Bless the girls

LaineyW · 23/05/2008 13:39

CapricaSix, your post struck a chord with me too. My mum had a difficult time after two failed marriages and decided to basically let us do what we wanted (I have two older sisters). At the time it was wonderful, after years of a very strict stepfather, we could suddenly go out, have boyfriends, have friends round to sleep etc. but there was a backlash. I never remember her really being involved with me regarding schoolwork, boyfriends etc. and I sort of retreated into my own little world. I never sought her advice and just tried to make my own decisions.

I could have easily gone completely haywire (and I still wonder how I managed not to...) What we actually needed was guidance and basic discipline along with lots more hugs and just general conversation!

With my own girls (DDs who are 15 and nearly 13) we talk a lot, discuss the day, who's upset them, (and who they've upset!!), their triumphs, their disasters, boys, drugs etc. etc. and we text when they're not at home. But it's taken me absolutely years to find the courage to really tell them when I think they're doing something really wrong (my 1960s and 70s liberal upbringing has left me weak...). I now realise that being the bad guy is often essential, and they almost always respond well. Well, eventually, after the flouncing and mandatory door-slamming that usually accompanies an argument.

Sorry to blather on. I obviously still have issues which probably need an outlet!

seekinginspiration · 03/06/2008 12:35

This was good, sorry I missed it. We need a regular session, about once a month. Call it Ask the teenager?

Original poster

ShesAllGrownUp · 09/12/2008 18:31

Ask The Teenager

good idea.

i'll ask Lauren

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