How does my 14 yo’s day look?

[facts6754]

This post was inspired by an earlier post!!! So I thought I would ask how my 14 year old daughter’s weekend/holiday day looks:

7:00-8:00 - Get up
8:30 - Breakfast
She then usually goes upstairs to game/relax.
9:30-11.00 - Long walk
More relaxing time, then lunch sometime around 12:30-1.00
Then we all relax until we usually go to an art exhibit/another walk sometime in the afternoon
5:30-6.00 - dinner, then bath
Then at about 7-7:30 she disappears to write for two hours.

how does her day look? Is it normal or should there be more incorporated in it? She is SEN (AUDHD) so I know regular screen time rules are different and she also doesn’t partake in sport for this reason. Thoughts?

Sounds very sedate for a 14yo but if she’s happy that’s what matters. Comparison is the thief of joy!

I’d say it’s unusual in that there’s no social interaction/friends mentioned.

mine is more:
9am appear from room for a cuddle and to collect phone, hang out in room for an hour or 2 getting ready & making a plan with mates

11am walk dog with anyone else available then do dishwasher (regular chore)

12ish bus to meet friends then either kick about in park, or wander round shops, or hang out together at one of their houses

5.30ish home again, piano practise and dinner then family film/game (if not seeing friends til later would probably eat out and be home by 8pm)

8.30 bath/shower and chill before bed at 10

@Isyesterdaytomorrowtoday she doesn’t have friends.

Jesus I don’t see mine before lunch time 🤣🙈

It’s unlikely her day would look ‘normal’ then, might have been worth highlighting that in your OP.

does she have friends online? Or none at all? Is she happy with it that way? I’d be more concerned with that than ‘how her day looks’

Unusual I’d say. I would expect at that age free time would be spent with friends.

Sounds like a lovely day OP!

OP has already mentioned that her child doesn't have friends. This is common for ND children who may struggle with social interaction unfortunately. Thankfully she is spending time with her family instead for long walks and art exhibits which sounds lovely to me.

No chores at all? Not even helping to make meals or doing the dishwasher? I think at 14 even with SEN there should be some focus on life skills in there. My 12 and 15yos both washed their bedsheets yesterday, 15 put his back on but the 12 yo needed some help. 12yo did some baking. 15yo made lunch etc. We don't have a strict rota for chores because we are all so busy but they are learning to be able to take responsibility for themselves.

Also what exercise is she getting?

I wouldn't say it's normal to get up that early as a teenager on their holidays! But it doesn't matter if its 'normal' or not, what matters is if she is happy and healthy this way. The long walks sound good for health but is she happy not doing social things? Perfectly possible that she is happy, not all teenagers are so social, especially if there's neurodiversity involved. She is spending time with family, that is very good.

For comparison, my 14 year old on holidays will sleep in until 2pm or even later if I let her, then eat, watch some telly, read or be on her phone, eat dinner with the rest of us and be vaguely social, watch some telly with me then go back to her room for the rest of the evening. She'll only see her friends occasionally during the holidays because she wants a break from being social after a long school term.

Nothing like my children's at that age! They would mostly miss the morning by being still asleep, and anything they did outside of the house would mostly be with friends. Indoors, they spent almost all their time on screens, talking to friends whilst playing games (this is something I moaned a lot about). There was no routine in the holidays, except for dinner in the evening. Lunch was at any time, whenever they decided to make something. Bedtime was very late - past midnight usually.
I didn't mind this. I actually relished the lack of routine for a couple of weeks myself.

My 15 year old doesn't even wake up until midday ish.

I think what this thread shows is that there is no ‘normal’ for teenagers. Some will be up
and out socialising all day, others sleeping in and chilling out. School days are long and hard and full of pressure, let them spend their time off as they choose. I honestly don’t think it matters as long as your teen is happy.

Is she getting up that early on a holiday/weekend of her own accord? That’s unusual to me for a teenager although not so much so that it’s in any way an issue.
Her day doesn’t seem typical for a teenager, but I appreciate she has SEN. Two of mine do too. I guess I’d be curious about what opportunities she’s had to socialise outside her home or make friends? Have you checked out any social groups for young people in your area? You’ll find that many neurodivergent teens attend these groups as they often struggle to make friends independently in school.
I guess my concern would be that all her activities seem to be with her immediate family, much as the activities themselves are fine. There doesn’t seem to be much scope for supporting her in developing the social skills that would encourage friendships etc.

She didn’t put that in the OP at all!

I have a ND teen with a great social life, so that’s certainly not a given that they don’t have friends!

I have 2 teens, I work from home, my eldest is a social butterfly, she will get up
around lunchtime, catch the bus into town, pop to the gym, meet with friends, she may come home tonight, if she does a friend will be with her for a sleepover but more than likely she will message mid afternoon to say she is stopping at someone’s house tonight, I may see her for 10-15 minutes today. Last night she had 2 friends stay over and they spent an hour or so chatting with me before doing their own thing, she’s 16.

my youngest is 15, again she had friends stay over last night (4 of them), they will come down mid morning, trash the kitchen making pancakes, they are then planning a movie and some afternoon sunbathing, one of her friends has been here 2 days already I believe she is staying again tonight. I’ll see them periodically throughout the day but won’t really spend anytime with her. Tomorrow she will crash after 3 days of full on peopling and then plans start up again next week

basically my children have no routine at all on a weekend/holidays and I will barely see them - their presence is felt though as I will be at the supermarket most days, the kitchen will be well used (they do tidy but not to my standard) and I’ll find evidence of having several teenage girls in the house every time
I enter a room. Last night there were 8 girls in total. Next week it looks like I am going to have at least 2 full days where they will both be out.

I have a 14/15 yo. This is absolutely spot on for what holidays and weekends look like. POSSIBLY he might go to the gym, but this would be for a brief spurt at the start of the holidays, then tail off to continued festering in bed towards the end of the holidays

At that age my DS was up at about 10 but often 11
Local park with his mate to play football for couple of hours sometimes joined by others
Lunch with us or his mates house, plus mate, lived in the same road as us
Gaming, homework or whatever
Maybe a bike ride or walk with us late afternoon
Dinner with us
His job was to clear up the kitchen
Board games or tv with us

No gaming allowed after dinner ever.

If it works for you and your DD I’d stay stick with it and don’t look for validation here.
When I first read your post I was shocked that a 14 year old would get up at 7am in the holidays as my 14 year old DS would sleep all morning if I let him! I also felt a little sad for your DD that she wasn’t spending time with friends but since saw your update that she doesn’t have any friends. I’m sure you’ve tried in the past to encourage and facilitate friendships so hope she manages make friends in the future.

@BelfastBard Yes she gets up that early by choice. She has insomnia and struggles to sleep so staying in bed longer is more of a punishment for her than it is doing her good.
She hasn’t had any friends for some 2+ years since primary ended and I think she’s just accepted it now because she doesn’t want to do anything social anymore. I get the feeling she is lonely but she won’t partake in anything. She also doesn’t really like the people at her school.

Does she have any special interests you can find a club for? That might be a way of finding friends outside of school.

@Natsku We have tried time and time again but she never contacts people in the clubs/has lasting relationships with them

Oh that is tough, maybe in the future she'll be more willing to try to form friendships.

I'd expect to see some chores, and some more hands-on activity.

Does she have any extra-curricukar interests besides writing? (And is that on a screen?)

Different physical activity from walking? Swimming, dancing, cycling, badminton. Playing an instrument, knitting, cooking, drawing,

I guess you know that it’s extremely unusual, but is she happy? If she is, then it’s fine. If she’s not, then is your post a cry for help with how to help her?