15 year old boy keeps asking girls out

Yorkshiregardener · 2025-04-09T16:24:49+00:00

Hi I'm really worried about my teenage son. In the last month he's asked out a lot of girls from school, all of whom have said no. He's getting a terrible reputation, making girls feel uncomfortable with constant messaging and has been threatened by a couple of boyfriends. I have removed his phone to let things calm down a bit but he seems completely unaware of how he's making these girls feel or why he should stop. He's desperate for a girlfriend but is only ostracisng himself from his classmates by coming across as desperate. Does anyone have any advice?

DoPenguinsHaveHips · 09/04/2025 17:35

Have you told him to stop asking every girl he walks by our?

Have you sat him down and explained how to act?

whathaveiforgotten · 09/04/2025 17:43

Constant messaging that makes girls feel uncomfortable sounds like harassment.

Would you or he be open to him having some counselling sessions? Perhaps with a youngish male counsellor so that he feels more able to be open with them? This needs to be nipped in the bud.

My fear would be that due to his age and the prevalence of Tate and co online, he will start to see the perfectly reasonable rejections from girls as something to be angry about and turn to incel type thinking about women.

You have presumably explained to him that it’s harassment. What does he say about that?

Original poster

Yorkshiregardener · 09/04/2025 17:50

Yes, we've talked to him about it. He knows why we've removed his phone. We've had many discussions about how he's making people feel, that if someone doesn't respond he needs to leave it and how unpopular he will become, as well as setting himself up to be hurt by a boyfriend.
But he is taking no notice.
Really glad it's the Easter holidays but dreading him going back to school.
He just seems completely unaware of how to act.

OP posts:

Original poster

Yorkshiregardener · 09/04/2025 17:51

whathaveiforgotten · 09/04/2025 17:43

Constant messaging that makes girls feel uncomfortable sounds like harassment.

Would you or he be open to him having some counselling sessions? Perhaps with a youngish male counsellor so that he feels more able to be open with them? This needs to be nipped in the bud.

My fear would be that due to his age and the prevalence of Tate and co online, he will start to see the perfectly reasonable rejections from girls as something to be angry about and turn to incel type thinking about women.

You have presumably explained to him that it’s harassment. What does he say about that?

I would love him to get some guidance from someone. He's not listening to us. How would I go about it?

OP posts:

whathaveiforgotten · 09/04/2025 18:05

Have you spoken to the school about it? They may have some resources that would be helpful?

You say he’s not taking any notice but what is he actually saying to you in these discussions? Is he speaking negatively about the girls who are rejecting him?

User135644 · 09/04/2025 18:14

Is he neurodiverse?

BelfastBard · 09/04/2025 18:24

Has he shed any light on why it is he’s so keen to have a girlfriend? Surely he can’t want every single one of these girls to have become his girlfriend? As in, how can he be so indiscriminate in what he wants in a partner to have asked multiple girls in a short space of time?
Are there any other older male role models in his life/family that you think he would listen to? Might be worth reaching out to them to see if they’d give him a bit of guidance?

AlisounOfBath · 09/04/2025 18:35

Is his dad having this conversation with him? Because if he isn’t, he needs to. There are some conversations that are not going to work if it’s from a mum. If not dad, then any older boys in the family with a girlfriend who could have a word? Tell him again that there is nothing wrong with wanting a girlfriend. He is completely normal in that regard. It’s also normal to be sad or disappointed if it doesn’t happen. But that he has to try to get to know a girl first before asking them out, and that even then it might not happen until he’s older. He absolutely needs to understand boundaries etc, but if you finger-wag he’s likely to think “old farts don’t understand”. If people feel shame, they’re much less likely to listen.

I remember spending much of my teens terrified of talking to boys but desperate for a boyfriend at the same time. It’s a rotten age and everyone makes so many mistakes. Try not to think “my son is turning into a sex pest!” He is a teenager learning to navigate the most difficult part of adulthood: dating. Lots of people on here will rightly be worried about the girls he’s pursuing but he needs compassion too. I have taught teenage boys for many, many years and being censorious with them never works. Talking to them like an adult and appealing to their rationality (despite it often being in short supply!) works better.

YesThatsATurdOnTheRug · 09/04/2025 18:38

I remember a boy like this from when I was at school. He just wanted 'a girlfriend', didn't care about anything in terms of who she was/what she looked like. No one would go near him because it would have been so embarrassing to accept when he'd ask just anyone.

It's great that you're tackling this so head on, look online for counselling recommendations. Poor kid.

Yesterdaywassunny · 09/04/2025 18:38

I think a counsellor might be a good idea - would he talk to the school counsellor? Or a youth helpline, where an older, trained, young person can talk to him, as he's not listening to you or his Dad.

Well done on taking his phone off him, you're letting him know that his behaviour is not on, and giving a consequence.

Original poster

Yorkshiregardener · 09/04/2025 18:43

AlisounOfBath · 09/04/2025 18:35

Is his dad having this conversation with him? Because if he isn’t, he needs to. There are some conversations that are not going to work if it’s from a mum. If not dad, then any older boys in the family with a girlfriend who could have a word? Tell him again that there is nothing wrong with wanting a girlfriend. He is completely normal in that regard. It’s also normal to be sad or disappointed if it doesn’t happen. But that he has to try to get to know a girl first before asking them out, and that even then it might not happen until he’s older. He absolutely needs to understand boundaries etc, but if you finger-wag he’s likely to think “old farts don’t understand”. If people feel shame, they’re much less likely to listen.

I remember spending much of my teens terrified of talking to boys but desperate for a boyfriend at the same time. It’s a rotten age and everyone makes so many mistakes. Try not to think “my son is turning into a sex pest!” He is a teenager learning to navigate the most difficult part of adulthood: dating. Lots of people on here will rightly be worried about the girls he’s pursuing but he needs compassion too. I have taught teenage boys for many, many years and being censorious with them never works. Talking to them like an adult and appealing to their rationality (despite it often being in short supply!) works better.

Having just watched Adolesence and having a younger sister, it hard not to worry about this. We are trying to be kind but are just not sure what to do next. We're waiting to hear from school about support there and his phone is removed.
Any other advice would be gratefully received.

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mathanxiety · 09/04/2025 18:46

Have you explained to him that girls are not objects/ things/ trophies?

Sodthesystem · 09/04/2025 18:50

'Can you explain to me why you keep repeating behaviour that you know doesn't work and only causes you trouble?'

Like what are his reasons?

Meadowfinch · 09/04/2025 18:58

If he won't stop, it's time to have a very very blunt conversation.

Does he have an older male cousin or young uncle to help him understand that pestering a girl for a date after she has said no once, is harassment and is a criminal offence.

Explain he needs to STOP NOW or he will end up with a criminal record, and all the problems that causes.

Plus no sane girl will go near him now because he has made himself look absurd.

Why does he want a girlfriend? Is it just a determination to have sex. What else does he think 'having a girlfriend' entails. Does he even know?

Snorlaxo · 09/04/2025 19:01

Does he get along with other boys ?

I know from my son’s friendship group that they talk to each other about stuff like asking people out and “wing man” each other.

If there was someone acting like this in his group they would have told that boy exactly what girls are thinking.

Snorlaxo · 09/04/2025 19:03

Did your h date at 15? It might make ds feel better to know that he’s not “behind” if he’s never dated a girl at age 15. Based on your post, I’d be very concerned about a girl dating your son.

stayathomer · 09/04/2025 19:41

This is what Adolescence has done to the world- these replies are crazy!!!!!Op, your son has possibly seen his friends/ peers in relationships and thinks he’d like the same, yes he’s a little bit deluded and it probably hasn’t occurred to him that you don’t move about asking people to go out on dates and yes he needs to be told this, but it doesn’t mean he’s evil/ should have no contact with girls/ is heading towards Andrew Tait territory. He’s a teenager!

Op does he have many friends? Hobbies? Does he have siblings or others that can talk to him?

Original poster

Yorkshiregardener · 09/04/2025 20:48

stayathomer · 09/04/2025 19:41

This is what Adolescence has done to the world- these replies are crazy!!!!!Op, your son has possibly seen his friends/ peers in relationships and thinks he’d like the same, yes he’s a little bit deluded and it probably hasn’t occurred to him that you don’t move about asking people to go out on dates and yes he needs to be told this, but it doesn’t mean he’s evil/ should have no contact with girls/ is heading towards Andrew Tait territory. He’s a teenager!

Op does he have many friends? Hobbies? Does he have siblings or others that can talk to him?

Thank you
He does have friends but he is quite socially awkward, hence the blundering around not knowing how to approach girls. He won't speak to us about it and is convinced that all his friends have girlfriends except him, which isn't true.
I have spoken to a counsellor this evening who will see him. My DS is aware that his behaviour is unacceptable and that he's upsetting people. I want to keep him safe. This is all occurring by phone so its removal will at least stop him asking anyone else out!

OP posts:

Original poster

Yorkshiregardener · 09/04/2025 20:51

whathaveiforgotten · 09/04/2025 18:05

Have you spoken to the school about it? They may have some resources that would be helpful?

You say he’s not taking any notice but what is he actually saying to you in these discussions? Is he speaking negatively about the girls who are rejecting him?

No, he's never negative about any girl. Just sad that they say no.

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stayathomer · 09/04/2025 20:52

Phones are just nightmares! Hope he finds a way forward to life being about friends, family, school and nerdy stuff op!

Original poster

Yorkshiregardener · 09/04/2025 20:53

User135644 · 09/04/2025 18:14

Is he neurodiverse?

We do sometimes wonder but school/groups etc have never brought anything up.

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EmeraldRoulette · 09/04/2025 20:56

mathanxiety · 09/04/2025 18:46

Have you explained to him that girls are not objects/ things/ trophies?

This. He's not treating them as humans.

LlynTegid · 09/04/2025 20:59

I am glad you have found a counsellor to speak to him and hope that it brings the outcome you are seeking. If not, the blunt approach may be the next step you need to take.

Avatartar · 09/04/2025 20:59

Does he do any out of school activities that involve girls and boys so he can mix with them in real life, to know they are not monsters/ mysterious beings?

SugarandSpiceandAllThingsNaice · 09/04/2025 21:03

Is he worried about going to prom single? There is a lot of pressure on kids that age to find a boyfriend/girlfriend before exams for prom. (If it’s GCSE year for him).

I think you need to find out why he is desperate to find a girlfriend. Telling him don’t do this or that is good advice, but I agree he isn’t acting normal and some counselling would do him good. Not just on etiquette but also on self esteem, and self worth.