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Teenagers

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

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Original poster

DS saying he will give up his job

50 replies

PenguinChops · 08/04/2025 20:38

My DS is 18 and a pretty good teenager in that he is overall polite and chatty and we have a good close relationship.

He is, however, rather lazy. He’s due to finish college in a couple of months and is not going to university. He’s always been absolutely fine at school and college but has been skiving off the odd day more and more frequently as the course comes to an end. He also did precisely zero revision for his GCSEs yet managed to pass and he will come out of his college course with a merit I believe

He also has a part time job in retail. Just 12 hours a week and he’s had this job for almost 2 years. Really well paid, brings home £650 a month and this means he can buy all the bits and pieces he likes to. Very local job and he’s doing well there

however he’s decided he’s leaving in June. Reason? He wants to have ‘one last summer to chill’ what ever that means. Despite the job being spread over just 2 days a week, giving him loads of time to ‘chill’ , he will not listen to any reason from me whatsoever.

his plans after summer aren’t exactly illuminating. He’s going to do a part time personal training course from September to December and then ‘see how he feels’

I’ve spoken to him about how at 18 we have to be working or studying or a combination. That I will not bank roll him (unfortunately he has access to a large sum of money - 14k. This is from savings that his father has allowed him access to (we’ve not been together for 18 years so this is not my money so I have no say in it) And this access has come about in the last month. I’ve advised him to put it in an ISA, take a little to spend etc and stay working but nope. He won’t budge

so my question… I’m bored of trying to reason with him and I’m now wondering if I just let him crack on and I’ll be here (as always of course) for advice and support when he regrets chucking his job away so he could play more x box and go to a music festival?

What would you do?

of course I can’t ‘make’ him do anything and our discussions have not been heated. He’s just totally adamant he fancies some chilling time now and that’s that

OP posts:

shellyleppard · 08/04/2025 20:41

Let him chill....but don't offer any financial support when his money runs out.

Original poster

PenguinChops · 08/04/2025 20:42

I also - in case it’s asked - don’t take rent from him. He’s at college and working part time and I won’t take rent from him whilst he’s a student. I don’t need to take rent from him either but had planned to when he is working full time in the future

although I sense this could be some way off right. I was he’s in bloody chill mode

OP posts:

Original poster

PenguinChops · 08/04/2025 20:43

@shellyleppardthanks for the reply. You’re right I think. What else can I do? Go on and on at him every day? Just makes it worse and makes him more resolute

OP posts:

Original poster

PenguinChops · 08/04/2025 20:44

He’s also quite young for his age in some ways though he’d not have a bit of that! I’ve pointed out that adults don’t pack in jobs that pay well with no other job to go to, just because they don’t feel like doing anything for months on end

but then, 18 is the time to learn this lesson I suppose

OP posts:

Harp1977 · 08/04/2025 20:46

If he is not working that's fine, don't give any money he has access and choice with what his Dad has given him, but he must contribute to keeping the house in order esp if you are out working each day.
From September I would no longer consider him a student or a dependant and I would be asking for some money towards bills etc (you can save it for him if you wish) But i would be having that chat now and he has time to chill, enjoy his summer and be a big boy from September

CornishTiger · 08/04/2025 20:46

Well once he’s not a student he needs to pay lodge. After all if you were a single parent ( you may be- I don’t know) he’d class as an adult for council tax and you’d lose single persons discount, you have food costs and fuel costs.

Life doesn’t come for free. End of.

Original poster

PenguinChops · 08/04/2025 20:50

I’m not a single parent and we don’t need the money. BUT my plan was to take rent from him when he was in the world of work because its important for him to pay his way.

can’t take what he doesn’t have though so my only choice if he really drags this out is to not give him money apart from for the necessities

he’s got access to a fair chunk though so that won’t worry him too much!

OP posts:

ARichtGoodDram · 08/04/2025 20:50

I would take rent from him. You can save it and put it away for him if you don't need it.

18 year old him will likely grumble, but older him will likely thank you if at least some of his 14k ends up protected.

My DD2 was horrified to be charged rent under similar circumstances at 18. Last year at 25 and buying her first flat now she's post uni and settled in a job she was delighted when a chunk of deposit appeared.

shellyleppard · 08/04/2025 20:51

@PenguinChops i think you need to let him realise life isn't free. If you keep on at him he will think you are nagging. If he doesn't go back to college he needs to pay rent and help around the house. Good luck x

TY78910 · 08/04/2025 20:52

shellyleppard · 08/04/2025 20:41

Let him chill....but don't offer any financial support when his money runs out.

I agree.

A 12h contract sounds like a weekend job? It may be that while all his friends are out and about on weekends, he’s working?

PerkyGreenCat · 08/04/2025 20:52

At the moment, you're just nagging him. He can sit on his arse all summer and beyond if he wants to because he knows he doesn't have bills to pay or food to buy. He can blow the full 14k on bullshit courses or partying or anything he wants. He knows he's always got a roof over his head. His life is comfortable and easy. It sounds amazing!

In fact, can I move in? I'll be no trouble!

Original poster

PenguinChops · 08/04/2025 20:52

@Harp1977I think I’ll go with this line as I’m so bored of trying to reason with him to just keep his 12 hours a week.

just tell him he’s free to leave his job and have a summer off but that this decision - made against my best advice - could well have consequences that he doesn’t enjoy and that from September I expect him to be either back studying for his level 3 diploma or working or a mix of both

OP posts:

ARichtGoodDram · 08/04/2025 20:53

PenguinChops · 08/04/2025 20:50

I’m not a single parent and we don’t need the money. BUT my plan was to take rent from him when he was in the world of work because its important for him to pay his way.

can’t take what he doesn’t have though so my only choice if he really drags this out is to not give him money apart from for the necessities

he’s got access to a fair chunk though so that won’t worry him too much!

He needs to pay rent from whatever funds he's living on. That's his choice if that's work or savings.

Don't change your plan to charge rent because he's giving up his job - the point of the rent is to teach real world. In real world with rent and bills he couldn't just chuck his job with no set plans because he's fancying a summer off.

At the very very most he should be asking for unpaid leave for the summer if the workplace would facilitate that.

Original poster

PenguinChops · 08/04/2025 20:53

@TY78910no, it doesn’t interfere with him going out and he’s not a big one for that anyway. He likes football, Xbox , chilling and doesn’t do any partying tbh

OP posts:

Dillydollydingdong · 08/04/2025 20:55

Don't worry about it. Just let him go ahead. After all, he's 18, and adult, so he will just have to take responsibility for any bad decisions he makes. Not your problem.

Original poster

PenguinChops · 08/04/2025 20:55

@PerkyGreenCatyeah I have room for one more! And yes, he’s aware and acknowledges what a lovely home life he has.

Hes just being a total pain right now and I’m definitely nagging him for sure. Which is not getting me anywhere so I need to apply some reverse psychology probably

OP posts:

TY78910 · 08/04/2025 20:56

PenguinChops · 08/04/2025 20:53

@TY78910no, it doesn’t interfere with him going out and he’s not a big one for that anyway. He likes football, Xbox , chilling and doesn’t do any partying tbh

Fair enough! My brother is in his 20s now and only just about getting an interest in getting his life together and treating a job seriously. I have no advice, just to say it’s probably common!

Original poster

PenguinChops · 08/04/2025 20:57

@ARichtGoodDramive told him ways to get time off at work if he has a few plans he knows he won’t get time off for. Christ, in my day we just pulled a sickie. We’ve discussed that, being honest with his manager, getting shift cover, all sorts! But nope ‘ I’m definitely leaving mum’

OP posts:

shellyleppard · 08/04/2025 20:58

@PenguinChops sounds like a good plan.

Original poster

PenguinChops · 08/04/2025 20:58

@TY78910yep I think it’s relatively common with some teens. My older one went to uni and has a high flying career and her own home etc so Christ knows how they’re so different! (And nope, I never ever compare them. They’re both my favourites 🤣)

OP posts:

NC28 · 08/04/2025 21:00

I have to say that if I was 18, living with my Mum and had access to £14K, I’d probably take the summer off too and enjoy it. There’s no way you’ll convince him otherwise, I think.

I think all you can do is let him lie in his proverbial bed. If he struggles to find a job because of an employment gap or blows all the savings, you should let him deal with that himself.

Definitely get rent from him. If he’s big enough to make decisions to arse about all summer, he’s big enough to pay his way.

PerkyGreenCat · 08/04/2025 21:02

@PenguinChops excellent, I'll start packing!

He's an 18 year old lad. He's a spoilt brat, they pretty much all are at that age. Well, I certainly was! He needs to make his own mistakes and deal with the consequences. Don't try to advise or problem solve for him. Let him get things wrong. Tell him you're always there if he wants some guidance but don't tell him what to do. Keep your mouth shut, yes it's hard when you can see him making stupid decisions!

In a few years, he'll get his act together and get a proper job but to do that, he needs to get some life experience first.

BadSkiingMum · 08/04/2025 21:03

If he really understands that he might not get his job back then I would probably say yes?

On some level he is right, this might be his last chance to ‘chill’ in the security of his parental home.

A lot of university students don’t work during the breaks. Will it really matter? I rather regret some of my horrible and badly paid student jobs, rather than taking it a bit easier and enjoying my late teens. He’s already got some work experience under his belt.

Perhaps it is far better that he enjoys this summer now than he suddenly throws in a ‘proper’ job in a few years time?

Crispynoodle · 08/04/2025 21:05

💯 let him do as he pleases
then encourage him to learn to drive
then he will want his own car
then he will need a job to bankroll said car!

Mumof1andacat · 08/04/2025 21:06

Time to start paying bed and board at home. Also he needs to start paying his mobile phone bill, clothes and toiletries etc. He's old enough too.

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